Say you don't want it
by EmmaCorneliaHart
Summary: Alice Prewett followed my gaze and sighed. 'Emma, leave the poor boy alone. There's no need to break his heart, too.' 'I'm not going to break his heart,' I protested. 'I just want to kiss him. That's all.'  And that was how my mission started.   OC/RL
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

When asked to describe me, people that like me often use the word 'vivacious'. People who don't like me always use the word 'slutty'. Which I think is quite unfair, really – no one ever calls Sirius Black a slut, even though he has kissed and shagged more girls than I've boys on my name. You'd think that, now we live in the seventies, there's sexual equality, but no such thing.

Now, I won't deny that I've kissed many a boy on many a drunken occasion. And I won't lie to you and say I've never regretted any of them – believe me when I say that I have. Thomas de Courcy is one of them; Peter Pettigrew is another. The first is just creepy, the second developed a small – okay, enormous – crush on me. He thought it meant something, though the poor boy should have known better. Had I not kissed all the other Marauders as well, without it becoming anything even remotely resembling a relationship?

In fact, the answer to that question is a 'no'.

I had been in a relationship with Sirius; it was the longest and last relationship we both had, lasting two weeks altogether in our second year.

And even though James Potter had been in love with Lily for so long no one remembered it otherwise, we had had a sort of friends-with benefits-thing going on in our fifth year. Lily loved this, seeing as he left her alone a bit.

And then there is Remus Lupin. Him I've never kissed, strangely enough. I don't know why; we've been going to Hogwarts together for over six years now. We have attended the same parties, he has tutored me in Transfiguration and Charms, I've seen him grow from a small, insecure boy to a tall, insecure man. And never have I got as much as a kiss on my cheek, let alone a full-on snog like I have had with most of the male population of Hogwarts.

This never bothered me. I like kissing, but it is not like I made it my life's mission to snog _every _boy at the school. It would be impossible; I'd have to kiss first years, and even for me, that's a bit much. But when it was the after party of the first Quidditch match and I saw Remus standing there, holding a drink, looking quite adorable, I wondered _why _I had never so much as flirted with him.

He is not my usual type, not at all. I like my men tall, muscular, tanned, confident, which is not the most adept description of Remus Lupin, for whom the words 'bookish' and 'shy' are more fitting. But that night, there was something about his brown hair hanging in his eyes that made me wonder if maybe he had more talents than just translating Ancient Runes.

You should always beware of the quiet ones, after all.

Beside me, Alice Prewett followed my gaze and sighed. 'Emma, leave the poor boy alone,' she told me, shaking her head. 'There's no need to break his heart, too.'

'I'm not going to break his heart,' I said. 'I just want to kiss him. That's all.'

And that was how my mission started.


	2. The first attempt

**Chapter 1.**

'Emma, with you that's basically the same thing,' Alice said. 'Let Remus preserve his innocence.' She tried to steer me away, but unfortunately for her, I can be quite steadfast when I want to be. And usually when I've found a new boy – or victim, as Alice and Lily liked to call them – I want to be _very _steadfast. I'm not too good at giving up and I could hardly give up my quest for Remus´s heart before it had even started, could I?

'Alice, relax. The poor boy needs a shag,' I said, trying to reason with her. 'I mean, just look at him. How many girlfriends has he had in all his years at Hogwarts? None. And knowing him, he won't go for one-night-stands either. How will he cope in the normal world if no one has initiated him?' I was quite proud of this argument, really.

Unfortunately, Alice wasn't.

'When he finds the girl that's right for him, that won't be a problem,' she said, grabbing my arm.

'Maybe I am the right girl for him!'

'Only the right-now girl, darling,' she said. 'You wouldn't be able to keep your attention with him any longer than it took him to come. And then you'd leave him and then we'd be where I said we would, namely that Remus's heart is broken. Find someone else. Bla - Sirius, for instance.' She nodded towards Sirius, who was talking and standing very close to our shy dorm-mate, Alexandra. She looked quite pleased with his attention; it would be mean of me to interfere just for my own needs, wouldn't it?

'Nah, he's busy,' I said, with a dismissing wave of my hand. 'Better to let him and Lexi have a fun time together. No, just look at Remus, all alone, obviously drowning his sorrows and loneliness in…' I looked more closely, only to realize it was butterbeer he was drinking. Hardly the beverage of the depressed man, especially when bottles of Firewhiskey were only three yards away.

'Look at Peter, all alone and looking at you with his puppy dog eyes,' said Alice. 'If you're going to give happiness to someone, let it be him, please. I'm not sure how many more of his poems I can stand.'

'Now, that's not fair. He's not written me a poem in ages. At least a week,' I said. 'He must be getting over me. It would be wrong if I were to relight the fire of his obsession. So,' I added, when she rolled her eyes, 'are you going to recommend James to me now, just so you've had all the other Marauders?'

'I would, if I weren't afraid of Lily scalping me,' she said. 'She's become so possessive of him, I reckon they're almost a couple now.'

We both looked at the lovebirds; how Lily could still deny she fancied him was beyond me. She was leaning into him, twisting a lock of her hair around her finger, smiling a lot. If that wasn't flirting, then I didn't know what was. And Lily, good girl that she was, only flirted with boys she liked. She had yet to discover the joy of_ flirting pour le flirting._

'Well, that only leaves Remus then, doesn't it?' I said cheerfully.

'Or maybe a nice sixth year?' she suggested. 'Richard McLaggen is looking mighty fine tonight, I have to say.'

I shrugged. 'Maybe, but he was an awful kisser, that was a waste of my time.'

'Mark Knightley?'

'Did him only last week.'

'Robert Ferrars?'

'Too needy, I'll think about him again in a couple of weeks.'

She let out an exasperated sigh. 'Fine. If there's no other boy to your liking, can't you just _not _kiss tonight? Preserve the image I have of you as an innocent and shy young girl?'

'Sorry, babe, I can't,' I said. 'Mainly because I stopped being innocent a long time ago, but… Remus just looks too appealing. I have to at least try, haven't I? Exactly,' I said, before she had time to reply. 'Don't worry, I won't let him fall in love with me. He's far too smart for that anyway.'

'You're an evil woman, Emma Hart,' she said darkly.

'Yes, I am. Have I any lipstick on my teeth?' I gave her a smile and she shook her head.

'None. Off you go, you dark temptress. Do keep him alive.'

'I'll try.' And off I went. On my way I was almost pushed aside by a third year who had yet to learn what dancing entailed, but I made it to Remus OK. He seemed pleased to see me; never before had I noticed how he got little dimples when he smiled.

Yes, he was _definitely _my project now. I was a sucker for dimples.

'Hey Remus,' I said, smiling. 'What are you doing here, all alone? It's a party, shouldn't you be dancing and showing us your wild side?'

'I would, if I weren't afraid of hurting innocent bystanders,' he said. 'I'm an awful dancer. And I doubt my wild side is something you want to see.'

_I do_, I thought. _Your wild side is exactly what I'm looking for, my dear. _

'Surely you can't be that awful,' I said.

'Oh, but I am. Have you never heard of the Incident of '75?' he asked. When I shook my head, he continued, 'Then it's better if you don't hear of it. Ignorance is bliss, especially when it comes to my dancing skills combined with alcohol.'

'You don't strike me as drunk,' I said. 'Maybe you should try talking to your dancing skills, without the alcohol?'

'But without the alcohol I've too many inhibitions to make a fool of myself.' He smiled apologetically. 'So either way, dancing and I are just not meant to be. We've accepted it a long time ago. The children don't mind.'

'I would, if I were your child and you'd left my Dancing mum for the skanky Alcohol,' I said. 'Isn't there any way I could bring the two of you together and we could all be happy again? I know!' O_h, yes, I'm sure that came out like it was very spontaneous._ Sometimes, I feel like I should take acting classes. Remus looked as if he agreed. 'I could teach you how to dance,' I said. 'We'll start easy, and before you know it, I'll have you dancing the Swan Lake.'

He staggered backwards with mock-fear. 'Oh, please, no. Not Swan Lake!'

'Yes. Don't worry, I'm sure you'll look great in tights. C'mon.' I grabbed him by his hand and pulled him away from the secluded corner he was in, to the dance floor. He put his drink down on a dressing table, which was a good sign. It meant he was willing to cooperate.

I felt slightly disappointed at that. I'd sort of hoped he would be a challenge – you know, 'I won't let you blemish my dancing virtue', that kind of thing. Then again, this was good. If he was willing now, it was clearly a sign of interest. And I'd meant what I'd said about those tights.

We went to stand amongst the other couples, who were all dancing awkwardly to a song by the Weird Sisters. It was a strange song – too slow for hyper dancing, too fast for romantic-cuddling dancing. And a very bad song to practice dancing on; how was I to teach Remus if I hardly knew what to do myself?

'Okay, so, step one,' I said, standing very still. 'Is that you need to feel the beat. When is there a drum-kind of thing? Now. Now. One. Two. One. Two.' I started bopping in time with the music. 'Do you feel that? Good. Now make a movement every time you hear it. It doesn't need to be complicated,' I added, when I saw him looking at my hips with a doubtful look in his eyes. 'No hip movement needed. Just start by moving your arm up and down. No, not both! Never both, that's only during the climax!'

After a couple of minutes, it became clear there was a reason Remus and Dancing had broken up. This was not a matter of false modesty; he truly was awful, the poor boy. But luckily for him, the second next song was a slow one. And no one really dances to songs like those – they're just for cuddling and swaying to the music. And the swaying is optional.

'Well, so much for my dancing class, I suppose,' he said. 'Unless you think you can teach me what to do with this?'

Of course I did. After all, sexy dancing with a boy is fine – very fine, in fact – but it was obviously not Remus's style. And that was fine with me; if it took slow and cheesy dancing to put my tongue in his mouth, then so be it. I had made bigger sacrifices to win a man over.

I put my arms around his neck. 'I'm afraid that is exactly what I think, Remus,' I said. 'Don't worry, you don't have to do much apart from holding me and just swaying. Even you can do the swaying, I'm sure.'

'I'm flattered by your confidence in me,' he said, before awkwardly putting his arms around my waist. I wasn't sure if it was the light, the alcohol or my presence, but his cheeks seemed redder than usual.

_Merlin, this boy's adorable. Why did I wait so long before snogging him_?

We swayed to the music a bit. It was uneventful, but nice; Remus had quite a nice smell, I noticed. With every passing second, my surprise at not noticing this before shocked me. But maybe it was just the newness, the fact that he was one of the few older boys in Hogwarts I had not got to know better? (Others were Severus Snape, but I doubted I'd try him anytime soon. For some reason, greasy hair was not my thing. Lily seemed to like it, though – maybe he had hidden depths as well?)

Either way, when the song drew to a close, we still hadn't kissed. Not so much as brushed cheeks, in fact, which was very unusual and quite disturbing. Why wasn't he bending down and whispering sweet nothings into my ear? I'm sure Sirius would have done it by now.

In fact, if he were Sirius, we'd probably be in his dormitory right now. Maybe Sirius is not the best equivalent. But even Peter had moved faster than this.

'Remus?' I said, standing on my tiptoes, my mouth only inches away from his ear.

I felt him stiffen. 'Yes, Emma?' he said, in a voice that did not _sound _like he was trying to be seductive.

'Did you know you look very sexy tonight?' I whispered. I drew my head back to look at him, but instead of the lustful gaze I had been expecting, I saw him staring at me with nothing less than bewilderment in his eyes.

'I'm sorry?' he said, puzzled.

'You heard me. I said you look very sexy tonight.' But despite the sexy smile I gave him, he kept a confused expression. So much for my hope he would know what to do. 'Very sexy, indeed.'

'Well, er, thank you,' he said. But not in the low tone I wanted to hear. He sounded quite panicky, to be honest. In the background, the song changed to something a bit faster, and Remus seemed to take this as his cue to let go of me. Taking a step backwards, he said, 'Er, anyway, I've to talk to Peter about something. I'll see you later. Have a nice night.'

Before I could so much as wish him goodnight, he turned around and left. I stared after him, dumbfounded.

_Bloody hell, _I thought, shocked. _Have I just been rejected by Remus Lupin?_


	3. Discussion

There were many words to describe Sirius Black: gorgeous, arrogant, delicious, intelligent, jerk, charming, sexy, and probably many more regarding his good looks. Personally, I preferred using one of the few Dutch words I knew when I thought of him: _mooiboy_.

Dutch, as I found out when I was in the Netherlands two summers ago, was a very interesting language. Not as fascinating as German, where they had words for the most ridiculous things (such as a man who likes to – no, don't worry, I won't tell you. It's better if you don't know). But still, the Dutch language has some words I miss in English.

_Mooiboy_ is one of them. Why we don't have it in English is beyond me – doesn't nearly half the word consist of an _English _word? But I suppose that's the Dutch for you. They'll be creative, but not _too _creative, thank you very much.

It was hard to define '_mooiboy_'. It was what you called posers; it was what you called boys who got good grades (assuming they've any friends); it's what you think when you see a man wearing leather trousers; it's what you sighed when a boy had _another _girlfriend. Really, you could use it in many ways, and I'm not sure if even the Dutch know exactly what it means.

The female equivalent, '_mooimeid_', was something I had often heard . I suppose that in many ways, I am a _mooimeid._

But back to Sirius. He was the personification of _mooiboy_. And tonight, he had proved it once more, as Lexi was telling us.

'And then he started whispering in my ear and it was just so… so…' She looked around, searching for words. 'Sexy? I don't know. But my _God_, was it nice. ' She looked so excited, in her pyjama's with little, flying owls on it. I thought it only fair to warn her, though, before she made the mistake many others had made.

'Well, I suppose Sirius _does _have the most experience of all the boys in Hogwarts,' I said. 'It's only fair that he's learnt something of it. Too bad he doesn't do relationships any more.'

'No, I suppose a relationship with you would make us all revert to flighty snogs,' said Lily, who came out of the bathroom brushing her red hair. 'We can only imagine what that must've been like for him.'

'So incredibly awesome that he knew he could never top that, and it was better to stop at the peak.'

'I guess Sirius is a bit of a... busy boy,' said Lexi, though she sounded uncertain. 'Hasn't he kissed two other girls tonight?'

'He has,' came Alice's disembodied voice from her bed. 'Lizzie Chaste and someone else. It was all very dramatic and gross. Could you all be quiet now? Some of us are trying to sleep.' She made a big show of shoving her curtains closed, but none of us paid any attention to it.

'But you enjoyed it, yes?' I asked Lexi, who nodded.

'Very much so. But,' she said, as Lily opened her mouth, 'you need not worry about me being stupid enough to fall for him. He's looking for many experiences, I was just for one evening, I know that and I have peace with that.'

This had Lily and me exchanging strange glances. Never had I heard of Lexi keeping busy with a boy before – chances were that this had been her first kiss. And was she actually saying she did not care, because she had fun? Even I had cared more about my first kiss. And I'd always thought Lexi was the old-fashioned romantic who waited for Mr. Right.

'Are you… quite sure?' asked Lily.

'Yes, I am. I've been thinking about it, and, you know, as long as I don't find someone I fancy, that doesn't mean… I can still have fun, can't I?' She glared at us defiantly, but when neither of us denied this, she seemed to relax. 'And it's not very romantic, but I thought, well, Sirius is experienced, he knows what he's doing, and… he didn't seem to mind, so I thought… You know, highest success rate would be with him…'

I let out a sigh of relief at that. Thank Merlin – she was still our little nerd. She almost had me worried there!

'Fair enough,' said Lily. 'Lexi, I must say I'm proud of you, not waiting for destiny, but taking your own chances. And stuff. Though you shouldn't do it too often,' she added. 'You should still take things slowly and everything. Don't rush into anything.'

Lexi rolled her eyes. 'Don't worry, I won't, Lils. I won't be like you and make a big song and dance about not fancying James Potter, only to talk only to him tonight, and flirt so obviously with him…' A mischievous smile played around her lips when she saw Lily blushing.

'I wasn't flirting _that _obviously,' she said.

'No, of course not,' I said. 'Twisting your hair, smiling – laughing, even – leaning so close into him you could basically inhale him… Very non-flirty behaviour, I can see what you mean.' I nodded solemnly, but stopped when I got a pillow thrown in my face.

When I looked around to see who had cast it, I saw Lily, sitting on her pillowless bed, a wicked expression on her face.

Obviously, this was something I could not just allow, so I threw a pillow back at her.

Somehow, Lexi got caught up in our fight, which only stopped when somehow, an enchanted pillow got through Alice's curtains and hit her. Her angry face was enough to make us all retreat to our respective beds and make a truce, at least for tonight.

'Anyway,' said Lexi, hugging her own pillow to her chest. I was not sure if this was just because the girl needed a hug, or to warn me and Lily not to try anything funny. 'Lils, you know we're right. If even I can kiss Sirius Black, then surely you can snog James?'

'The shock would kill him,' she said, shrugging. 'It's for the best this way.'

'That's what you say now – but what when his penis explodes because he -' Lexi began, before being cut off by Lily.

'Lexi! Don't,' she said, pressing her eyes closed. 'I doubt that'll happen. He's got hands, hasn't he? And _anyway_, James's manly parts aren't any of my concern. It's not like I care about them. They could be bananas, for all I care.'

'Of course, Tiger,' I said, using James's pet name for her. 'But if they're bananas, how will he ever sire your forty-eight mini Potters?'

She stuck out her tongue at me. 'Don't be ridiculous, Emma.' She was silent for a second. 'I wouldn't have forty-eight. I'd draw the line at… four. Maybe five, if they've his hair. Even though it would be a cruel thing of me to do, it's not as if the world is up for so much mayhem…'

'That's the price of making babies with James Potter,' Lexi nodded. 'You will never have a moment's peace.'

'Every day I will get letters from Hogwarts, telling me what my children have done this time.'

'And James won't help you, he'll just be proud his children are as bad as he is.'

'But he'll still love you with a passion, more fiery than any flame. Years into your marriage, he'll still tell you every day how wonderful you are.'

'Yes. So maybe we'll end up having those forty-eight babies after all.' She bit her lip, a contemplative look on her face. 'Although we'd have to start soon, then, otherwise I'll be menopausal too soon…'

'Which brings us back to my original point,' said Lexi. 'If I can snog Sirius, you can make James the happiest man alive.'

'I suppose I should,' Lily said. 'I suppose I should.'

'It's only the decent thing to do, after all,' I said. 'And about time, too.'

'Yes, yes, you're right, can we stop about it, now?' she said, sounding a bit annoyed. 'Okay, so we've done Lexi and her shocking revelations, we've established James Potter's future happiness, Alice won't talk to us, so that just leaves you to spill your dirty beans, Emma.'

'Yes, we're all very curious as to what you've done tonight,' said Lexi.

'I'm not!' That was Alice.

'I know,' I said. 'Anyway, whether you'll believe it or not… tonight, I have…' I looked around, dropping my voice for extra dramatics, 'kissed… with no fewer than… _no _boys.'

The fact that Lily started frowning and Lexi gave me a sceptic look, made me wonder if maybe I had been kissing just a _tad _too many boys lately. Surely a girl could go about not kissing a boy for a night? It was not exactly noteworthy, was it?

'Very funny,' said Lexi. 'No fewer than none still leaves open a whole lot of numbers. One, two, three…'

'I mean no more than none. I have actually kissed not _one _boy. None at all. So be proud of me, I have held myself.'

'I don't believe it,' Lily said.

'That's because it's not true,' said Alice, from the bed. We all turned just in time to see her heard popping from between the curtains. 'Or rather, she hasn't kissed any boys, but not for lack of trying.'

Oh, great. I had kind of been hoping that little flaw this evening would not be mentioned. I had not kissed Remus _tonight_. It was not like I'd failed or anything.

'What do you mean?' Lily asked.

'I meaaan…' She enjoyed this; enough so to push aside her curtains and reveal herself, sitting in a lotus position, looking very pleased with herself. 'Our dearly beloved was _trying _to seduce Remus, but he rejected her.'

'I wasn't trying to seduce him, we were dancing,' I said.

'If that's what you want to believe…'

'I'm very sorry, but I think there's some sort of miscommunication going on here,' said Lily. 'Did you say Remus? As in, Remus _Lupin_?' She looked at Alice, who simply shrugged. 'Surely you are mistaken. He's not Emma's type at all.'

'He is, he's got dimples,' I said, before I could help myself.

Alice cast her eyes heavenwards. 'That's what's her excuse. She's going to break his heart, because he's got dimples. Then again,' she added, as if she had only just thought of it, 'that's only if she actually manages to kiss him. And apparently, that's not something that happens too easily. I think you're losing your touch, love.'

'I am so _not_,' I said, indignant. 'Remus is just very special. It's because of the dimples.'

'Oh, Emma, don't do that,' Lily groaned. 'I know Remus is secretly adorable, but he's really not your type. It would just be weird and disturbing. Can't you go back to Peter?'

'When was Peter ever my type?'

'Six weeks ago, apparently.'

There was little I could say against that. Nevertheless, I would not give in so easily. 'Maybe Remus is _exactly _my type. Maybe that's why I've been single all these years; because I've been waiting for him to make his move, and he just didn't. Isn't it time, then, that I, like Lexi, take my fate in my own hands?'

'I already tried to talk her out of it. I hope you have more success than I did,' was all Alice said, before she closed her curtains again.

'So,' I said, looking at Lily and Lexi. 'Are you going to try and talk me out of it?'

Lily simply shook her head. 'There's no point. If Alice couldn't do it, I doubt we can; the only thing stronger than your will power must be Sirius Black's ego. Although I must say that, if you _have _to kiss Remus, please make sure you don't hurt him.'

Why was everybody so worried about that? I was a professional at this – I knew what I was doing.

'Don't worry. He'll be fine!'

* * *

><p><strong>An: **The Dutch language _is _the best, of course. Forget our drugs policy, forget the red light district, forget the wonderful education system - we have the word _mooiboy_. It fits Sirius so perfectly, if he went to my school, people would call him that _all the time_.

But I have to be fair. The German language can be even better. After all, haven't they come up with the nastiest word in the history of everything?

Exactly.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it!


	4. Request

'Have you always got chocolate on you?'

It was the next day, around two, and I had just got up. In the Common Room, to my great joy, Remus, Peter and Sirius were sitting in a corner, playing some card game. Once every few seconds, Remus reached out to the bar of chocolate lying on the table, broke off a piece, and ate it. It was one of Honeydukes' biggest bars and it was almost entirely gone. I suspected it had been whole when they started this game.

Reluctantly, he looked up at me, keeping one eye on Sirius. 'Not _always_,' he said. 'We're not allowed to eat during classes.'

'Not that that ever stopped him,' said Sirius, 'That's one of the few rules our Remus doesn't mind breaking.'

'That's not true. I break loads of rules all the time,' said Remus. 'And I saw that,' he added, when Sirius did something I couldn't see. 'But, er, I think that I do have it with me at all times. It's essential to my survival, really.'

I laughed, but Sirius shook his head gravely.

'He means it. He actually gets withdrawal symptoms when he doesn't have chocolate at least twice a day,' he said. 'And believe me, it's not pretty.'

'Not at all,' Peter muttered.

'Peter has had quite a few bad experiences, seeing as his need for chocolate almost rivals Remus's,' said Sirius. 'And then you've James and me, and we're perfectly normal.'

'If you're normal, I'm boring,' I said. I perched myself on the arm rest of Remus's chair, and leaned into him. Luckily, he had cards I could look at, so it would be at least half subtle. I was not so sure if the full-frontal attack worked for him. 'So, what game are you playing?'

'Cheat,' said Sirius, who sounded very excited all of a sudden. 'It's the _best _Muggle game ever.'

_Cheat, __cheat__… __do__ I __know __a__ game __named __cheat?_'What does it entail?'

'You cheat as much as you can.'

'Ah. Yes, I can see why that would appeal to you,' I said. 'Who's winning?'

'Probably Peter,' said Sirius. 'I don't know why, seeing as my cheating skills are obviously superior - '

'Obviously.'

'– but he just… manages to cheat _more,_ you know? Though he wins even more often when we're playing übercheat…' He sent Peter a disapproving look; Peter simply shrugged and – could it be – yes! I had seen his arm move underneath the table, towards Sirius!

Neither of the others had noticed, though, and they continued playing. To my great annoyance my main conversational partners were Sirius and Peter, despite the fact that I was almost sitting on Remus's lap. I didn't really get the point of the game, which only added to my irritation.

'Sirius,' I said, after a couple of minutes.

'Emma?'

'I was wondering, didn't you say yesterday that you had to do something?' I tried to convey with my eyes that it was time for him and Peter to piss off. 'Something that was taking place… somewhere in the castle that is not here?'

'Did I?' he asked. He leaned back into his chair, a big grin on his face. _My, he is full of himself; it's a good thing he's so good-looking, otherwise he'd never get a girl. Or at least not as many as he does now_. 'Really? Oh, I must've forgotten…'

'Yes, really, so maybe it's about time you started doing that. You know, maybe you should take Peter with you.'

'But then what would happen with Remus if we're gone?' he said.

'I'll look after him – don't worry.'

Sirius looked at Peter, who looked at me, while I looked at Remus, who was looking at Sirius. Eventually, Sirius nodded.

'I suppose I trust you enough,' he said, getting up from his chair. 'C'mon, Pete, let's go down to the kitchens, it's time for my second lunch.' He waited for Peter to get up as well, and then went to the portrait hole. Before he left, however, he turned around. 'Don't do anything too naughty while I'm away. I expect Remus's innocence to be intact when I return.'

'I'll make sure no one will bother him about that,' I said, one hand on my heart. 'Even if I have to defend him with my life.'

'Can't ask for anything better than that.' And he left, Peter trailing behind him.

Even though there were now two unoccupied chairs near Remus, I decided to stay on his chair. I couldn't go _too _easy on him, he might not notice I was flirting. 'So Remus, did you have fun yesterday night?' I asked.

Aha! He could not let Sirius do the talking now, eh?

'Yes, I did,' he said, smiling. 'And you?'

'Hmm, very much so,' I said. 'It was a shame our dance lasted so short, though; I think I'd almost taught you the basics, but now we'll have to do it again some other time, right?'

The smile didn't fade, but became a little bit strained. 'Oh, I think I've come to terms with the fact I can't dance. But thank you for your offer,' he hurried to add.

'You're welcome,' I said, trying not to sound too frustrated. 'If you ever change your mind, you know where to find me. So…' Realizing he was not comfortable with my proximity – why not? Why why _why_ not? – I moved towards Sirius's empty chair. 'What are you plans for today?'

'I think I'm going to the library, try and get some of that enormous amount of homework done,' he said. 'Maybe something with the rest.'

'The rest?'

'Of the Marauders,' he said. 'That is, if we can keep James away from Lily for more than five minutes. Never thought he'd like being a Head Boy so much…'

'Life's full of surprises,' I said. 'Why doesn't he just get down on one knee and tell her he loves her and wants her to have his babies? She'd be delighted to hear that, I'm sure.'

'Maybe, but he's tried that before in Fourth year and it didn't end well. I believe she told him to sod off, or she'd make sure he'd never make any babies with anyone,' Remus said. I could see he tried to look stern, but I could see mischief twinkling in his brown eyes. 'He was quite devastated after that.'

'You don't say. Well, it was late, so I'm not sure if I heard her right, but yesterday she might've said something about their babies having his hair, so I suggest he tries it again.'

'You've obviously never professed your love to Lily Evans when it wasn't reciprocated,' he said. 'After the first six years, and a whole lot of curses and jinxes, it's natural for someone to become a bit scared of her.'

'I don't think you've to be rejected by her to fear her. Just wait until you wake up in the morning only to discover it's her time of the month. Even all your chocolate can't mollify her then.' I looked at his bag, out of which another one of Honeydukes' big chocolate bars was protruding. 'Okay, maybe all _your _chocolate would be enough…'

He blushed. 'Even I need to sin once in a while. Or, you know, constantly. Would you like some?' He got out the bar, seeing as the first one had disappeared completely – something I noticed only now. How did that _fit _in Remus? He was so skinny, he looked like one bar of chocolate would be enough to make a difference.

Damn that boy and his boy metabolism!

'Nah, thanks, it's too early for me,' I said.

He frowned, then looked at his watch. 'Emma, you do realize that it's almost half two?' he asked. With the ease of an expert, he tore open the packaging and broke off a large chunk of chocolate.

'I know, but I only just got up. Beauty sleep, that kind of thing,' I said. Despite the early hour, I felt a familiar tugging in my stomach when I saw him eating the chocolate. Really, what had I said? Too early for chocolate? It's never too early for chocolate.

'I think I've changed my mind,' I said. 'Could I have some, please?'

And so, we ate chocolate together. In silence, but we did not need to speak; we were connected through the chocolate bond.

As soon as I'd finished my piece, another basic need struck up. A need for attention. 'So, er, Remus, you're quite good at Ancient Runes, right?' I said.

'I… I guess I am, why?'

_Why__ do __you __think? _Was he honestly not noticing, or was he playing hard to get, or _what_? 'Well, I'm kind of awful, and we've our N.E.W.T.s this year, and I was kind of wondering if maybe you could help me.'

'Oh.'_ Don't sound too enthusiastic, Remus_. 'Er, I'm not sure if I'm the best person for that, I'm not very good at teaching.' He reached for the chocolate again, though I'm not sure if he even noticed he was doing that.

'Nonsense, you helped me a lot when you tutored me in Transfiguration last year,' I said. 'Please, Remus?'

I know I'd said I wouldn't throw a full-blown attack, but the situation left me with no other choice. I leaned closer into him, making sure my eyes looked big and pleading. 'Please, Remus?' I asked softly. 'I'd really, _really _appreciate it.'

He choked. 'Really, Emma, I - '

'Please?'

I caught his gaze and held it with mine. Time for the shaky smile, a bit more pleading, and –

'On Tuesday my second period's free – is that a good time for you?'

Yes!


	5. Tutoring Sessions

I looked into the mirror, my wand only inches away from my eye while I inspected my eyelashes. They looked fine; long, dark, full. Nothing better than magic to give your eyes a lift on a Tuesday morning. For one's hair, however, the magical world had yet to discover the miracle cure for frizz. Until that had been found, I had no choice but to confiscate Lily's Muggle products.

'Sometimes, Emma, you frighten me,' said Lexi, who came out of the shower and regarded me with something that bordered on fascination. 'Why wake up early when you can still lie in your nice, warm, comfortable bed?'

'Because if I lie in said bed, no one will do my make-up and I will look like a monster,' I said. 'We haven't all got your extreme confidence to walk around make-upless, darling.'

In the mirror, I saw her rolling her eyes before she covered them with her glasses. 'You're a Gryffindor, be brave and try it.'

'Maybe some other day. I've a Marauder to seduce.' I took a step away from the mirror and looked at my reflection. Shiny dark brown hair? Check. Well made-up blue eyes, with no sign of dark circles? Check (though that took a while to achieve). Clear skin? Check. Cheeky smile? Check.

'Lexi,' I said, turning around.

'Emma?'

I put my hands on my hips. 'Do I look like I'm wearing make-up?'

She gave me a blank stare. 'Haven't you just spent the last hour putting it on?' she asked, while buttoning up her oxford blouse. This was why I preferred Lily or Alice when it came to my looks; at least they knew what I meant when I said, 'Yes, but what if my hair does a Marilyn?' or when I complained my foundation was flaky. Lexi had discovered only last year what mascara was.

'Yes,' I said. 'But can you _see _me wearing make-up?'

'I don't know, I guess?'

I sighed and walked over to Lily's bed. This called for a professional.

Lily asleep was not one of the most charming views ever, and all of us agreed that if James ever saw her like that, his love would be severely tested. Her mouth was open, her hair messy, and she was always _talking_.

'No… I don't want to marry Sirius's cat…' she said, frowning. 'Cat, no! No, shoo!'

Lexi appeared by my side. 'Sirius's cat again?' she asked.

'I do wonder whatever happened to her to make her have these dreams,' I said. But my problems were more important than Lily's last fifteen minutes of sleep, so I took out my wand and, knowing from many years of experience that this was the only way, made my wand spray cold water.

Even so, it took about ten seconds for Lily to realize she was being drenched.

'God!' she cried, sitting up. Her left hand grabbed for something, probably her wand, but before she could protect herself against her attacker, I said, 'Lily, relax. I need you.'

She squinted, realized who I was, and groaned deeply. 'Emma, I hate you.'

'I know, but you love me for it. Can you see I'm wearing make-up?'

'Yes, you look like a clown,' she said. 'Remus will never like you and you will die sad and alone and a month later, people will find you, half-eaten by all of your twenty-five cats.'

'But I hate cats.'

Should've thought of that before waking me then, eh? No, really,' she said, sitting up and looking at me, 'I can see it, but it's not too obvious. Why?'

'Tuesday. I've Remus tutoring me, I need to look good, obviously,' I said. 'Is it too obvious?'

She shook her head; her red hair, darkened by the water, stuck to her face. 'Although I doubt it would really matter. That boy's as celibate as possible.'

'Besides,' said Alice, who I had not seen getting up, 'boys never notice it when you do or don't wear make-up. Frank hasn't said anything about my looks in _ages_.'

'Well, that's because the two of you are basically married. Remus and I are still in the phase when everything is exciting,' I said, returning to the mirror to inspect my face. It didn't _look _too obvious, but that was the problem with make-up. You were constantly looking at your face while applying, so it was difficult to say when you went overboard. I wanted to look gorgeous, but I didn't want Remus to know I'd spent that much attention to it.

Not only because his ego would inflate and I liked his modesty. I just loved it when people thought I was a natural beauty.

'I think you look fine,' Lexi said, while brushing her own light brown locks. I'd love to give her a make-over, but she wouldn't have it. Then again, she did snog Sirius this weekend, so maybe change was on its way…

Anyway, whether I looked fine or not, I was getting hungry. And if there was anything I'd learnt while abroad, it was that English food was inedible. The only meal that resembled something nice was breakfast, which was why I always made sure I had enough to last the day, if it was necessary.

In the Great Hall, I saw Sirius, who had no problem with English food and always ate enough to feed a small to medium sized developing world country.

'Hello,' I said, taking the empty seat next to him. 'Not with the other Marauders?'

'No, the sissies say they need time to wake up,' he said, before swallowing. 'Whereas I always say, no better start of the day than breakfast! Or lunch. Or dinner. Or just a pizza somewhere along the way. Or any kind of food, really. Though I would love some pizza…' He looked down at his plate and I just _knew _he was wondering if maybe he should go to the house elves and ask them to make him a pizza.

'Thank Merlin I've got you, then,' I said. 'Someone needs to keep me company.'

'True, but wouldn't you rather I were Remus, if it's company you're craving?' He did not look at me, nothing suggested anything other than a casual question, but we were both teenagers. I'd been in his position more than once and I knew what he was doing.

'Well, yes, of course,' I said. 'It's always great fun, being around Remus.'

'It is.'

'One does wonder why he's never had a girlfriend, though,' I said, in a tone just as casual as his. 'I mean, such a lovely boy, and no girl to look after him? Maybe it's time someone of the other sex tries to gain his interest.'

'Maybe so, yes.' He took a bite of one of his croissant and chewed it thoughtfully. Only when he'd choked, did he say, 'Did you have anyone in mind for that position?'

I shrugged. 'I suppose that if something like that is to be executed _well_, I should just do it myself. It would not do for someone to mess it up.'

'No, indeed, 't would not.'

We ate in silence for a while, both waiting for the other to make the next move. It was Sirius who gave in first.

'I know Remus won't agree with me on this, but I think it's a good thing you're doing,' he said. 'That boy needs a shag, even if he thinks he can go without it. He's a teenage boy, after all!' He shook his head; this was probably something he had lamented many times before. 'It's not natural, this abstinence.'

'I take it you hereby give me your blessing?' I asked, trying to hide my elation. If I had his friends on my side, the battle was already half-won.

'I do, Emma. Use it wisely.'

* * *

><p>Ah, there he was, the object of my affection, the man of my dreams (at least this night's), the bringer of good grades: Remus Lupin himself. It was adorable how at ease he looked when he was in the library; it really was his natural environment. When he went to sit next to me (I was early – wasn't I diligent?), he gave me the warmest smile he'd given me since our slow dance.<p>

'Good morning,' he said, taking a couple of things out of his bag. To my disappointment, it wasn't chocolate, nor was it a set of handcuffs. They were books, books I'd seen before, for that matter. Ancient Runes books. 'How was your first period?'

'Oh, fine. Not as interesting as, you know, anything else, but I survived,' I said, wondering if I should get my books as well. If I didn't, I could share with him… And really, wasn't it much easier if he could just point to where we were?

So no books for me. Good.

He opened his book on a page I recognized. It was homework for tomorrow, but I hadn't started on it yet. For the first time since Sunday, it came to me that this might be more than just a great way of talking to Remus; I might actually learn something from it.

'I'm not sure if you've translated this text yet,' he said, getting out another book, with helpful notes on the text. When I shook my head, he looked relieved and said, 'Good. I'm sorry, I'll prepare something for next week, but I've hardly had any time, so I thought maybe we could just go through this text together?'

He'd thought of preparing something for this tutorial? And he apologised for _not _having done so?

_Marry me, Remus_, I thought. But I didn't say that – instead, I said, 'That sounds like a great plan' and I swear, honest to Merlin, that that's what we did. And I had fun doing it; I wasn't very awful at Ancient Runes, but I wasn't very good, either, which meant it always took me ages to finish a text, by which time I would've lost all my interest in it. But with Remus, we covered it quickly, I understood what was going on, and I was reminded of why I chose Ancient Runes to begin with.

And that was just the Runes-part of this hour. The best part was, of course, that I was close to Remus, who just turned yummier and yummier by the second. The awkwardness in our last conversation had disappeared, maybe because he'd accepted that he was my target, maybe because he was in the safe setting of the library.

But by the end of the hour, I realized everything we'd said had been about Runes. I tried to remember when I'd flirted with him, but found I couldn't.

_Emma_, I thought in shock, _have you… not flirted with him? What kind of behaviour is this?_

'Same time next week?' Remus was asking, while he put away his books. Despite his cool demeanour, I wondered why he was in such a hurry. We had a break, after all.

'Yeah, sure,' I said, leaning back into my chair and examining him while he packed his bags. His body wasn't as well-defined as Sirius or James's, but there was something very sexy about him, I decided. 'What've you got now?'

'Defence,' he said. He closed his bag and swung it over his shoulder. 'Speaking of which, I've something to discuss with professor Flatbread, good bye.' And then he'd left, just like that. As if he'd wanted to get away from me as soon as possible.

_I really don't get this boy_, I thought, blinking. _But my, I want him._


	6. Vampire romance?

A week had passed. A week in which I had booked next to no progress; sure, I spoke to Remus quite often, but somehow, he managed to de-flirt our conversations and before I noticed it, it was time to go or the class started or Peter came by. And I just didn't get why he did it; he was perfectly polite and funny and nice when we _did_ talk, but it wasn't flirty. No innuendo, no fleeting brushes of our hands, no nothing. It was beyond frustrating.

But there was a light in this otherwise impenetrable darkness: it was Tuesday again. And as soon as this first period was finished, I'd go to the library and I'd have an entire _hour _of Remus. This time, I wouldn't just listen to him and be a good student. No, I'd already checked the next text, and it was about a man who killed another man who'd harassed the first man's wife. An act of love and passion; I _had _to be able to flirt this time!

In fact, I doubted very much if I were able of _not _flirting when reading such a text.

And so it was that when the bell rung to announce the end of the class, I felt happy and expectant. I was putting away my books when somehow, James materialized next to me, with Peter in his wake. For some reason, I didn't think they were here to tell me Remus was waiting on his bed with whipped cream on his –

'Emma,' said James, 'Remus can't make it today, he's not feeling well.'

I froze, my hand holding a heavy textbook suspended in mid-air. 'I'm sorry?'

'He says he's very sorry, but you know what he's like, he has a poor health and he's ill again,' said James, looking at Peter, who shrugged.

Well, shit. That was a downer. What on earth was I supposed to do without Remus? What colour could my life have, if he wasn't in it to chase away the darkness that loneliness entailed? And did this mean I was supposed to make the entire translation – and those sodding questions – on my _own_?

'But couldn't he at least… try to see if he's fit enough to tutor me?' I asked, knowing it was useless. 'I need him.'

'I know, Ems, but you'll have to wait until next week. Maybe he can give you an extra tutoring session in the weekend…' While he spoke, he started to move towards the hallway; it took me a moment to realize that he didn't have a free period, of course. He had somewhere to be. Unlike me, since I had absolutely nowhere I could go, nowhere I was wanted…

'I can basically _see _the melodrama taking place in your head,' said James. 'Is this the moment where you do your dramatic faint, only to be picked up just in time by the heroic Remus?'

I rolled my eyes at him. 'I'm not _that _dramatic.'

'No James,' said Peter. 'She's just dramatic enough. It's just a girl thing, you wouldn't understand.'

'Because you know everything about the ins and outs of being a girl?' James raised one eyebrow, something I had been told he should do more often, seeing as Lily liked it a lot. 'Really, Pete, sometimes you can be a bit weird. Just sometimes.'

'I'm not,' Peter was quick to tell me. Merlin, how tedious, these boys with their crushes on me, especially when they were the ones I regretted kissing. What was wrong with just getting _over _someone already?

'So, Ems, what're you going to do now?' asked James. 'Feel like accompanying me to my Herbology?'

'No.' But then, what was I going to do? All my friends had classes, except for Remus, but he was ill, so I could hardly –

Wait. Why wouldn't I be able to do something with Remus? He might not be well enough to teach me, but surely he must be bored, just lying in his bed all day with no one to play with? One could almost say it's my duty to liven up this day for him.

'I was wondering,' I said, when Peter had arrived at the History classroom and we continued without him, 'Remus, where is he staying? In your dormitory, or…?' I made sure the tone was casual; I was just being curious, no, I am definitely not going to jump on Remus the moment I see him in a bed, that kind of thing.

But damn those Marauders and their ability to sense wickedness! James didn't even pretend to be fooled by my attempt at nonchalance.

'I'm not sure if he's up for that kind of action, dear,' he said. 'C'mon, there's a hidden corridor here – it's a shortcut.' I followed him through a door that had pretended to be a piece of wall. 'Anyway, our dearly beloved is momentarily residing in the Hospital Wing, where he is tended ever so lovingly by our other dearly beloved, Madam Pomfrey.'

'I wasn't aiming for any kind of action with our dearly beloved,' I said. 'But he might be bored. We could… converse. Have deep, philosophical debates on whether we should call our children William or Alexander, that kind of thing.'

'Alexander, you don't need to discuss that with Remus.'

'Fair enough, 't would inflate Will's ego too much if I named my child after him. But anyway,' I said, realizing we had almost reached the huge, oak doors that led to the grounds, 'I think I've accompanied you far enough now, I'm going away on my quest to spread love and happiness through this school.'

'And by school, you mean in Remus's pants.'

'_Exactement_. I'll see you later.'

He held up his hand in salute and then hurried down the last flight of stairs. I turned around, wishing I was wearing heels – turns looked so much more dramatic on them, but thanks to the wonderful Hogwarts clothing regulations, high heels were only permitted after classes. Then again, I wasn't actually _in _my class right now… And my legs did look a whole lot better in heels…

But no. Changing my shoes would mean less time to be with Remus, and I had a mission to accomplish. So away I went, on my way to the Hospital Wing, a room I usually avoided. I didn't like the way it reminded me of ill people and seeing as I was quite healthy, I'd almost never gone there to get better. Judging on what I knew about Remus's health, though, I thought he might feel like he lived there.

When I came through the door, he was the first thing I saw; with his brown hair all messed up, he was the only thing that seemed out of place in this otherwise squeaky clean, white room. He was sitting propped up against the bed, a book in his lap. He did look ill; even paler than usual, with dark circles underneath his eyes, and – could it be? Yes, he seemed even skinnier than last time I'd seen him. Where did this boy _leave _all that chocolate?

He looked up at the sound of my approaching footsteps. The look that came to his face was hard to place; he seemed happy at first, but then his face clouded. He closed his book, keeping a finger between the pages where he was, and said, 'Emma, hey. I'm sorry I can't tutor you today, I just feel rotten and… I'm really sorry.'

'Oh, that's okay,' I said. I walked over to his bed and nodded at the chair. 'Mind if I sit there?'

He shook his head and I sat on the chair next to his bed, wondering what to do now. He looked just as awkward as I felt, glancing at his book once every seconds. Well, I supposed that was as good a topic as anything.

'What are you reading?' There. I could talk about books. I might be a bit of a slut – only a bit, really – but I wasn't a bimbo. I'd read _The rise and fall of the Goblin Empire_. In fact, I liked reading. And so did Remus. It was an obvious sign we were meant to be.

He looked at his book again, then said, as if unsure himself, '_Dracula_.'

I suppose I must've given him a blank look, because he quickly said, 'You probably don't know it, it's by a Muggle author. But, you know…' He shrugged. 'I know it so well, it's easy to read when I'm ill and have nothing better to do.'

So far for our conversation on books. '… Aha. And… what's it about?' I asked, to be polite.

'Vampires.'

That took me by surprise. It was no more than natural that Wizards wrote books about vampires – they could be a real pain in our arse, after all – but Muggles? How did they even _know _about vampires? 'Seriously? As in, the blood-sucking kind of vampire?'

'That kind of vampire,' he nodded.

'And it's by a Muggle author? Are you quite sure?' I tried to get a look at the cover, and he held it up for me so I could see it. It held a still picture of a tall, pale man with a black cloak and blood dripping from his chin. To be quite fair, it did remind me of the pictures in my Defence books, though those vampires were a bit more savage. 'Wow. Never thought Muggles would write something like that.'

'Vampires are an important part of their folklore,' said Remus, who suddenly went to sit upright. If he'd had glasses, I'm sure he would've pushed them up the bridge of his nose. 'It goes back to the Romans at least, who had stories of the incubus and the succubus – vampires who drink their victim's blood, but have sex with them as well.' He'd put down his book and was using his hands to stress certain point of his lecture; I couldn't help but smile when he blushed a bit at the 'sex' part. The poor, innocent boy. But he didn't notice, and continued.

'Whereas we know that vampires only drink blood, a lot of ancient peoples thought they ate human flesh. In ancient Greece, for instance, they had these owls – the Greek word is _strix _– and they were considered a bad omen when…'

I didn't really listen to the rest of what he was saying. But fact is that he was adorable, quite the little professor. His entire face lit up while he told me about Muggles and vampires, in a way I'd only seen him beam when he was explaining a strange tense or mode in Ancient Runes, or when he was with his friends.

After a couple of minutes, he suddenly fell silent. 'I'm sorry,' he said, sounding embarrassed. 'I, er, got a bit carried away. I didn't bore you too much, did I?'

'Not at all,' I said, smiling. 'It was very interesting. Though maybe you should take it easy; I wouldn't want to be the reason you got even more ill.' This little speech has obviously exhausted him; looked paler than before, and when he let himself sink back into the cushions, he closed his eyes.

Though this wasn't the way I had imagined my little visit to go, I felt this was probably the time for me to leave. 'Remus?' I said. When he 'hmm'd, I continued, 'I've still got some homework to finish and I think you need your sleep.'

He opened his eyes. 'I think you might be right about that,' he said.

'I usually am.' I got up from the chair. For a moment, I hesitated, but then decided that I would just do it. So I bent over and kissed him on his forehead. 'Get well soon, okay? I'm not sure if my Runes would survive if you were absent too often.'

He made a vague, non-committal grunt, and then I left, thinking this might have lasted only half an hour, but it got me a whole lot further than the past week had done.


	7. Hogsmeade

After this romantic-ish rendez-vous, I'd expected he'd realize he wanted me and would jump on me the first time he was physically capable of it again, so we could sneak into a broom closet and have a nice, hot make-out session. So four days later, when he was released from the Hospital Wing, looking tired and haggard, I decided to talk to him, hoping we'd stop mid-conversation because we were overtaken by passion.

But no such thing happened, no sir! Instead, we had the following awkward conversation.

'Hey Remus,' I said, walking next to him. I sent Sirius a warning look, which he interpreted justly; he left us alone, mumbling something about the library. A pathetic excuse for someone who had managed to talk himself out of detention numerous times, but as long as it worked, I wasn't about to complain. 'Are you feeling better?'

'Yes.'

I waited for him to elaborate, but when he didn't, I said, 'Good. You've had me worried, you know. But I'm glad to hear you're okay. Anyway, the reason I came to talk to you is not only to express my happiness at your recovery, but also to ask you something.' Looking back on it, this was probably where I knew things were going wrong. I never spoke like that, except to annoy my parents once in a while. 'You see, next weekend is a Hogsmeade weekend, and I was kind of hoping you'd go with me. You know,' I pressed, when I didn't get a reply, 'As a sort of date.'

He put his hands in his pockets and looked at the ground. 'Emma, I don't think that would be a good idea,' he said.

'Oh, but it is,' I said. 'You, me, Honeydukes… I don't see what's _not_ wonderful about that picture, really.'

'No, except that I've already got plans. With the rest of the Marauders; we're supposed to help James shop for birthday presents for his parents.' He shot me an apologetic smile, but I didn't return it; it was the worst lie he could've come up with, seeing as Lily accepted James's date-proposal yesterday and James had been telling everybody – and I do mean everybody, even poor first-year-olds who only saw him as Head Boy and Quidditch Captain.

'Really?' I asked, keeping my voice light. 'That's strange, seeing as I thought James was going out with Lily.'

'He changed the plan,' he said quickly. 'He's going with Lily now, but I've still got to go with Sirius and Peter.'

'And they can't go without you?'

'No.'

'Why ever now? I'm sure they're more than capable than enjoying themselves,' I said. I stopped walking and so did Remus, who, I noticed for the first time, had an ugly cut running along his neck and shoulder. How the hell had he got that when all he'd done the past few days was lying in bed? 'Don't you want to go with me?'

Now, you should know I only asked this because I was quite certain he'd say that _of course _he wanted to go with me, he was just a bit insecure, or maybe he didn't know what I'd want to do, or _whatever_. This tactic has never failed; especially when I pout, boys just can't help themselves. They need to make me feel better, it must be their instincts.

But Remus didn't have that instinct, apparently, because he looked me straight in the eye and said, 'No, actually, I don't. I'm sorry.'

That had hurt. A lot. Not only had it seriously dented my ego, but I also felt strangely… rejected? Alone? It was hard to place, but by the time I noticed something was amiss, Remus had started walking again and was now almost in the Great Hall. I didn't follow him; I wasn't hungry anymore.

Contact between us had been nil ever since, apart from the tutoring session, which was so distant he could've been in another room and it wouldn't have made any difference.

Without a Remus to spend my time with, I had to find someone else. I could've gone with Lexi and Alice, but when I got an owl from my brother Will, asking me if I could meet him that weekend, I decided I'd meet up with him. And so it happened that I was now sitting in the Three Broomsticks, waiting for my brother, whose tardiness was legendary.

When, only ten minutes late, I saw him opening the doors, I waved so he'd see me. He waved back, then pointed at the bar, then at me, with a questioning look in his eyes. I held up my Butterbeer and two fingers and he nodded and made way for the bar. Being a tall, handsome lad, he'd caught Rosmerta's attention within ten seconds, and before long, he came back, carrying one cup of butterbeer and one Firewhiskey.

'Hello princess,' he said, leaning over to peck my cheek. 'Long time no see. Have you missed me?'

'Incredibly so. I have no doubt that these months without my presence were nothing more than an endless chain of darkness, misery and despair, so I won't ask you whether you've missed me,' I said, grabbing his Firewhiskey and taking a sip, even though I didn't really like it. It was just our tradition; whenever he had something – be it food, drink or girls – I'd take my share without asking. 'Anyhow, what have you been up to?'

He told me about his job; he'd just been promoted and was now working under Lucius Malfoy, someone who'd apparently got his position through connections and was now waiting for his father to die so his inheritance came along; he didn't really care much about his job and seeing as Will didn't either, they got along great.

'Sounds like fun,' I said, after he'd told me about a night out with Lucius and a couple of friends. 'Do I know him or is he before my time?'

'I'm afraid he'd already left Hogwarts by the time you came around,' said Will. 'Though I suppose he'd be your type if he were a couple of years younger.'

'What age is he?'

'Twenty-three.'

'Could still me my age, then,' I said, seeing as I'd had men far older than twenty-three. Maybe I should try this Lucius for a while; just someone to distract me while I was working on my Remus-scheme.

I must've got a too-familiar expression, because Will sighed and said, 'Don't even think about it, Ems. He's got a girlfriend.'

Oh, well. 'Damn.'

'But, now we're on this topic, how are _you _doing?' And, of course this question was followed by, 'How is your love life?'

'Just spectacular,' I said, drowning the last of my butterbeer. 'No, really, it's horrible. There's this boy – Remus Lupin – and I… It doesn't work.' Encouraged by Will's curious look, I continued, 'He's adorable, really, the cutest thing you've ever seen, but he seems to think celibacy is still the way to go. A fortnight ago, I practically threw myself at him on a party and what did he do?'

'Shagged you right on the floor?'

'No! He just left! Can you imagine?'

'The bastard! And what has happened since?'

'He's been tutoring me. But it doesn't… Nothing _happens_. He just sits there and explains things to me. And just the other week, I asked him on a date, and he said he didn't want to.' I took another swig of his Firewhiskey, but honestly, I needed it. It still hurt when I thought about that conversation. 'I mean, what am I supposed to do?'

'Maybe you should try the hard-to-get approach?' Will proposed.

But I shook my head. 'Won't help. If the initiative doesn't come from me, there really won't be anything happening. He's too shy to do anything.' And, of course, there was the small chance that he just wouldn't want me, but I decided not to linger on that. 'Will, what am I to do?'

'I suggest something involving few clothes when he doesn't expect it,' he said, shrugging. 'Always does me in.'

I had the feeling Remus would be scared shitless if I tried a striptease when he came back from classes, but then again, maybe it was just what he needed? Although I wasn't sure if that was how I wanted it to go; I had the feeling that for Remus, it should be more than just a shag. I'd already put so much effort in that boy, I wanted more out of it than just fleeting physical pleasure.

_Oh cripes_, I thought, rethinking what I'd just contemplated. _Emma, that is no way to think about a boy. What if you fall for him?_

I was so engrossed in my own thoughts that it took me a while to notice Will had started talking. '… seeing as I'm coming home this year, I thought it might be fun if we did something together? So they'll think we're a happy family and stuff?'

Family. Coming home. Obviously, he was talking about the Christmas holidays, only three weeks from now. Wait – 'Only'? The holidays themselves lasted only two weeks. And what was this thing he wanted us to do together?

'Er… Sorry, what did you say?'

'That mum and dad've been working very hard lately and that maybe we should do something nice for them,' he said. 'Nothing big, but maybe we should… I don't know. You know I'm bad at this stuff.'

'Then don't propose it,' I said, having no idea what I could do to surprise my parents, except maybe marry Arthur McManus, the twenty-year-old everybody always jokingly called my fiancé, seeing as we'd be a 'perfect match' (except that we're not). I never liked him, and he's never liked me either, but seeing as every time I flat-out told my parents I hated him, my mother started crying, I decided just not to mention him too often.

'We could invite some people to dinner,' said Will. 'Maybe invite grandma over from France?'

'She won't come, you know she won't.'

'We could always ask her…'

'Or not. Look, Will, I'm sure that just being there with them will be more than enough for them,' I said, doubting it very much but unable to tell Will that they wouldn't give a fuck. Because that meant admitting something to myself as well. 'Can't we talk about something mo…'

My words dried in my mouth as I saw Remus, Peter and Sirius walking in through the door, snow in their hair and their cheeks red from the cold. While Sirius went towards the bar, Remus untied his red-and-gold Gryffindor scarf and motioned to a table not far from ours.

Will followed my gaze. 'Sirius Black?' he said, sounding confused. 'He's your new beau? I thought you said…'

'No, it's not Sirius. I said Remus; the skinny one with the brown hair,' I said, nodding at Remus, who was sitting with his back to me. I wondered if that was intentionally or that he just hadn't seen me. 'He's my prey.'

'Poor boy,' Will sighed. 'He looks like a strong gust of wind could blow him away. Are you sure he's the one who's withstood your attention all this time?'

Yes, he was. And as he laughed when Peter said something, I felt something stirring in my abdomen.

This was getting out of hand.


	8. Revelation

I was sitting on the couch in the Common Room, held tightly by two warm arms, while a pleasant voice murmured what Lily called 'sweet nothings' into my ear. There was soft music playing in the background, something classical, maybe Beethoven. I didn't really care; all that mattered was Remus and the way his hands were toying with my hair.

'Remus?' I said, resting my head on his shoulder.

'Emma?'

'Do you think we could stay like this forever?' I lifted my head to look him in the eye. That didn't last long, though, seeing as instead of answering, Remus leaned in closer to kiss me. Hmm. Nice. And maybe that was an answer in itself; a 'no', because why would we just sit there when we could kiss?

When I broke the kiss, my head felt pleasantly empty. I reached out my hand to trace the contours of his lips when he said, 'Maybe we shouldn't sell eggs this Friday. Rebecca wouldn't like it.'

… Say what?

He smiled and leaned in to kiss me again, but just before his lips touched mine, I opened my eyes and discovered I wasn't in Remus's arms; I wasn't even in the Common Room. I was lying in my bed, alone, while next to me a bird was singing an overly cheery 'Wake up!' song.

'Ugh.' I buried my face in my pillow, willing myself back to sleep. So what if Remus had gone a bit strange at the end? Before that, things had been wonderful. Better than they were in real life, at the very least, since Remus hardly spoke to me when it wasn't necessary. Quite different from the love-struck boy in my dreams.

'Good morning – good morning!' Lexi sang,

'Don't be so happy,' I said, sitting straight up in bed. I pushed a lock of hair from my face, only to be confronted with Lexi, basically dancing around in her underwear, and Lily and Alice, who woke up like normal people, i.e. not at all.

'C'mon Emma, it's such a nice morning,' she said, while buttoning up her oxford shirt. 'Aren't you looking forward to a new day, filled with opportunities to… All right, I'll stop being so happy,' she said, upon seeing my murderous glare. 'Just trying to cheer you up.'

'You can't. My life is misery and despair,' I say. I get out of bed and grab a towel. 'You finished showering?'

'No, I'm dressing so I can go in in a couple of minutes,' she says. 'Yes, I'm finished.'

As I took a shower, all kinds of thoughts ran through my head. It started with a recap of my dream, which I tried to relive as vividly as possible. I tried to recall what Remus had whispered in my ear when we were lying on the sofa, but the words that had seemed so clear to me in my dream had become vague, leaving me to think that for all I knew, Remus might've told me how to milk a cow.

Then I returned to reality, in which Remus would rather teach me that than whisper those things. I thought back to the last time I'd seen him – yesterday night, in the Common Room, being assaulted by James Potter who wanted his glasses back. Oh, if only I could jump on him like that!

But then I realized something. I didn't just want to jump him and rip his clothes off. Not that that didn't sound very appealing, but I wanted… I wanted…

I wanted him to care for me. Not just to kiss and touch me, but to care about what I think, feel, want. I wanted more than just physical contact; I wanted his trust, his confidence, I wanted to be there when he was happy, to comfort him when he was sad.

The revelation was so shocking, I dropped my shampoo to the floor without noticing.

Oh god.

Oh.

God.

'Emma, hurry up!' Lily called from behind the door. 'You've been in there long enough.'

With shaking hands, I turned off the shower and grabbed my towel, which I had barely put around me before I opened the door; Lily was standing next to her bed, her toothbrush in hand, pulling at the dead ends of her hair; Lexi was brushing her hair; Alice was groggily getting dressed. All of them stopped whatever they were doing and looked at me.

'Emma, is something wrong?' Alice asked. She managed to sound remarkably caring, considering the earliness of the hour.

'Something is very wrong,' I said, moving to Lily's bed. I sat down on it, staring into the space in front of me, dumbfounded.

'Why? What is it?'

I choked. 'I… I think I fancy Remus Lupin.'

* * *

><p>'Sirius, I need your help.'<p>

Sighing, he rested against the wall, his arms crossed in front of his chest. 'Is this about walking on custard again? Because really Emma, no matter how many flies can walk on it, I doubt - '

'No, no, no, it's not about the custard-walking,' I said, though for a moment I did wonder again whether it was possible for humans, like flies, to walk on custard. It was one of my life goals to try it one day, I just hadn't had the opportunity to find enough custard yet. 'No, I really need your help on something serious.'

'I'm always Sirius.'

I raised my eyes heavenwards; would he never get _over _that joke? 'Anyway, it's not about the custard. It's about Remus.'

Immediately, his expression got guarded. 'Oh. What about him?'

'Well, as you might remember, I had a plan concerning Remus,' I said, wondering how to say this without sounding either pathetic or obsessed. 'And, you know, I've tried to… make it work, and… it's not really working and I feel that if maybe, Remus was to try a bit harder…'

'If you're going to slip him a love potion -' Sirius started, but he shut up when I uttered an indignant 'Wha?'

'Of course I'm not going to do that,' I said. For a moment, I wondered if Remus feared I'd slip him a love potion; surely he must know that I would never be that desperate?

Then again, if things kept going like this, maybe I _would _be that desperate. Best not to let it come to that.

'No, I was just wondering if maybe you could put in a word for me. Just, you know, ever so subtly tell him that I'm wonderful and that he would benefit from being with me and…' I shrugged, as if that explained the rest, which, to Sirius, it might.

The muscles of his mouth twitched. 'You want me to put in a word for you?'

'Yes.'

'With Remus Lupin?'

'Yes.'

'So he might… what?'

'Oh, I don't know,' I said, with an impatient wave of my hand. 'Talk to me apart from explaining about verb conjugations? Sit next to me at dinner once in a while? Get down on one knee and declare his everlasting love in front of the entire school? Something along those lines, anyway.'

Again the muscle twitch; was he trying to hold back his laughter or something? Maybe he just had to vomit. It wouldn't be the first time he did that, though last time he'd been stone drunk.

'I'll talk to him about it,' he said, laying one hand on my shoulder. 'But I can't promise anything.'

At that moment, a voice both of us knew only too well sounded through the hallways. 'E-Emma?'

I turned around, only to see the object of my affection, Remus Lupin himself, coming towards me, stuffing something in his leather bag as he went. He wore a strange expression – it reminded me of what he had looked like before the OWLs. It turned into one of relief when he noticed Sirius. 'Oh, hey Pads,' he said, skipping to a halt about a metre away from me. 'Didn't see you there.'

'Sirius Black, man of mystery,' said Sirius. 'But I am about to leave for another secret mission right this instant, so I expect the two of you to… entertain each other.' He shot both of us a meaningful look before walking away with his usual swagger.

'Hey Remus,' I said. It was strange, being so close to him now I had had my Revelation. Had he been cute before, he now was irresistible. Everything, from the blush on his cheeks to his lopsided Gryffindor tie, looked like it was there just to remind me of how strange the situation between the two of us was.

'Hey,' he said, putting his hands in his pockets. 'I, er… Hi.'

'Hi.' He didn't reply, so I continued, 'Is something wrong?'

A couple of seconds, he just stared at me, his mouth slightly open and a crease between his eyebrows. 'Er… No, no, nothing wrong,' he finally said, as if only just realizing he had to answer. 'I was just… wondering if… ' He smiled awkwardly and then hurried to say, 'If maybe you'd seen my Astronomy books?'

Now it was my turn for an confused pause. 'Astronomy books?'

'Yeah, the, er, books I use for Astronomy?'

'Oh, those. No, haven't seen them.' Another pause. 'Was that all?'

'Yes. Yes, I think so,' he said, scratching his nose. 'Sorry to bother you. I'll catch you later.' And after another smile, he turned around on his heels and walked away. I felt my heart twitch – actually twitch, something I until then had only read about – and then decided that, now I was feeling weird anyway, I might as well just add fuel to the fire of my discontent of today.

Time to write my parents.

Whoohoo.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Happy 2012 everyone!**


	9. Going for a walk

All day, I'd been feeling down. Ever since I'd stepped into Transfiguration and overheard the conversation between Sirius and Remus as I sat down at my usual table.

'Look Remus,' Sirius said, in an overly loud voice. 'It's Emma. Why don't you go and sit next to her? I'm sure she'd appreciate that.'

'You know why not,' Remus answered; I looked up to see him staring at his table. Sirius knew why not? Well, then he could've shared it with me when I asked him to help me yesterday! If I'd known what was wrong with me, I could help it. But I supposed this was just once more the proof that Sirius Black was in fact quite worthless.

'Don't be such a baby,' said Sirius. 'Go and sit there.'

'No.'

'Fine. Then you'll sit alone,' he said, taking his bag and moving to the table next to James's. He looked over his shoulder to Remus and said, 'Now be a man, Moony. This is very un-Marauder like behaviour and this way, you might damage our reputation.'

'Shut up, Black,' was all Remus replied. And he didn't come to sit next to me.

Needless to say, I hardly took in anything that was said that lesson. Instead, I was trying to come up with a reason why Remus would rather sit alone than with me. Had I been too pushy? Did he think he'd only give me false hope if he sat next to me? Was he afraid I might jump on him in the middle of the class, or that I'd otherwise distract him? But no, I thought, when I glanced at him and saw he was doodling next to his notes. He wasn't paying any attention now, either.

_Why don't you want me, Remus Lupin?_ I wondered, willing him to turn around and acknowledge me. My brain waves seemed to have reached him, because as McGonagall was writing something on the Blackboard, he leaned back on his chair and threw a look over his shoulder. Our eyes met and I didn't know whose cheeks became more scarlet; judging from the heat in mine, I'd say I won.

He turned his attention to McGonagall again, and though I knew I'd regret not doing the same, I just kept on watching him. It was awful; I was torn between mentally gushing about him and angsting about his rejection. For the first time ever, I understood what James had to have been feeling all these years.

The rest of the day took so long I suspected God had slowed down time, just to spite me. Of course this had to be Thursday, the day on which I had four of my five classes with Remus. Four classes in which he was very decidedly not sitting next to me, or talking to me, or even looking at me apart from that one moment in Transfiguration. And the hours just dragged on and on and on until finally, my classes for the day were over. Strangely enough, homework didn't offer much of a distraction. Shame.

'God, Emma, what's _wrong _with you?' Lily asked, when I'd sighed something about life being futile and ending and why would we bother?

I sighed again. One thing was good about this situation: I was allowed to be very melodramatic. 'Oh, Lily, I just don't know if my life has any point anymore.'

'And why wouldn't it?'

'Because of Remus!' I told her what had happened in Transfiguration, but she wasn't too impressed.

'Point being…? I've done that to James loads of times and he's still fine, isn't he?' she said, turning back to her essay. 'You just shouldn't make such a big deal out of it. I'm sure Remus didn't even intend for you to hear it.'

'But he doesn't like me back!' How could she not see how important this was? 'I mean, what am I to do now? Leave him alone, try harder, be hard-to-get… what?'

She shrugged. 'I don't know. Maybe you should just let it be for a while and see how he reacts? I'd love it if James had done that back in fourth year.'

'But I'm not James. The situation is completely different,' I said. When I'd asked her what I was to do, I'd meant for her to say that Remus would come around and see how amazing I was. She wasn't supposed to tell me to back off, that meant she thought I'd lost already.

'Thank God you're not James,' said a voice behind me. I turned around to see Sirius and – my heart leaped – Remus. 'The world couldn't handle two of him. Also, you wouldn't be half as hot.' He grinned; at the table behind ours, two second years squeaked.

'Why, thank you, Sirius,' I said, trying to keep my eyes focused on him instead of Remus.

'You're welcome. I'm taking your seat,' he informed me, dropping his back to the floor.

'But I'm sitting here.'

'Yeah, well, you've to get up then, don't you?'

Behind him, sounding very nervous, Remus said, 'Pads, don't.'

_Pads, don't do what?_ I thought, while ignoring my intestines dancing at the sound of his voice. _Don't kick me out of my seat? Don't bug me? Don't do _what?

Just to annoy Remus, I got up and graciously stepped away to make place for Sirius. 'Have fun with it. So, now you've robbed me of my seat, will you tell me where I _can _sit?'

'Remus's lap?' he said, smiling when the both of us turned red – again. We could make an act together, the two tomatoes. 'No, sorry, he's not sitting, so that's q big impossible. But maybe the two of you should have a talk.'

I have to say, when I'd asked him to help me out, I'd kind of expected him to be more subtle about it, rather than throw Remus at me like this. But hey, a given horse and his mouth and not looking into it, that kind of thing, right?

'Sirius,' said Remus, tersely now.

'Remus,' Sirius said, leaning back on the chair so it rested only on his hind legs, 'I'm going to say this one more time. Are you a Gryffindor or a wussie?'

'Why? What's he going to do?' Lily asked, looking both confused and amused.

'I'm sure you'll hear in a couple of hours,' he replied. 'I'm sure Emma'll tell you everything that happened.'

Remus looked more uncomfortable by the second, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. 'Er, right,' he said. 'Emma, er, shall we go outside? For a walk?'

I nodded. From the corners of my eyes, I saw Sirius nodding approvingly and wondered if maybe they'd practiced it. Before I turned around to follow Remus out of the library, Sirius gave one of us a thumbs up – maybe both of us?

We walked downstairs in silence. Only when we'd reached the entrance did I realize I hadn't got a cloak or scarf and that it was December. Already, I felt cold, but I couldn't bring myself to propose to go upstairs; what if the entire walk was blown off? Surely I could handle a bit of cold.

Remus didn't look too warm, either when we stepped outside, but neither of us complained. In fact, we didn't really say anything until we got to the Great Lake and Remus seemed to have gathered enough courage to say what it was Sirius forced him to.

'So, er Emma,' he said, looking at the snow-covered ground rather than my face, 'How, er, are you?'

Okay. Not what I'd expected. 'Fine,' I said, even though I was about everything but. Excited, scared, happy, nervous, confused, hopeful – but fine? 'You?'

'Yeah, me too.'

'Good.'

'Yes.'

In the awkward silence that followed, I brought my hands to my face and breathed on them, trying to warm them. When Remus saw that, he stopped walking and said, 'Are you cold?' I nodded and he said, 'Oh. Do you… want to go back inside?'

'No!' I said quickly, loudly. Afraid I sounded a bit mad, I continued, in a more gentle voice, 'No, I'm fine, really.'

A gust of cold wind made us both shiver, but the look he gave me in that moment, was enough to warm my entire body. He nodded at my hands. 'Would you like me to rub those warm for you?'

As a reply, I held out my hands and he held them between both of his, rubbing them warm. It sure helped; the moment he touched them, they felt like they were on fire, but in a pleasant way. We stood there for a while in silence, while he warmed my hands, and though I'm quite sure this wasn't how Sirius had imagined us, it was very nice.

'You know,' I said, when he'd finished, 'You could've used a heating spell for that, too.'

Again, his cheeks turned bright pink. 'Well, yeah, but I thought…'

'You thought what?'

He smiled sheepishly. 'I don't know. Not very much, I think.'

'Was your thought progress distracted by my beauty?' I asked; that smile had given me back my flirting energy and I was going to use it. But with great power comes great responsibility; I'd use it wisely. At least, that was my plan, until Remus very bluntly answered, 'Actually, yes, it was.'

That shut me up, apart from a confused, 'Oh.'

He appeared quite taken aback himself, too. 'Did I just say that out loud?'

'Yes. It's very flattering, though,' I said. Inside me, everything was screaming, _he thinks you're pretty! He thinks you're pretty! YES! WHOOHOO! _'So… ah… you think I'm pretty?'

'Yes.' He choked, and then a waterfall of words came out of his mouth, so quickly I was sure he was afraid he'd never say them if he didn't hurry, 'And funny and sweet and smart and great and just… I don't know. I think I fancy you.'

'You _think _you fancy me?' I shook my head as I put my arms around his neck. 'Is that the best you can give me?'

'I know I fancy you,' he said. He looked uncertain as he put his arms around me, but all my insecurity had faded away. He fancied me. Really, there was nothing left to be said now, was there? 'A lot, and I know I haven't been acting it but I was just very nerv - '

'Remus Lupin. Shut up and kiss me.'

And so he did.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Review button right down here ^_^**


	10. Bliss

_Dear Serena and Edmund,_

_Sorry for not having written to you this wee, I've just been terribly busy. With school – my teachers seem to have got this wonderful idea that they give me so much homework I won't feel bored for a _second _with Christmas. At the rate they're going, I think they might succeed._

_Nevertheless, that is not all that has been keeping me busy, because I now have a boyfriend. His name is Remus Lupin, his father works at the Daily Prophet, he's a Gryffindor and also a Seventh year, and when he finished Hogwarts he wants to do something with books, but I'm sure he's going to become a professor; he is a wonderful teacher and has been tutoring me for weeks now, as you'll probably see in my grades (Ancient Runes especially). We've been together for a week now; I hope he can stay over a couple of days with Christmas._

_Other than this wonderful piece of news, little has happened here. Can't wait to see you next week._

_All my love,_

_Emma._

As I folded the letter closed, someone wrapped his arm around my waist and I felt two familiar lips on my cheek.

'Hello,' I said, a grin spreading across my face. I looked to my right, only to see Remus, who was grinning very broadly as well. It was one of the things we had done most this week: stare at each other and grinning our heads off. We didn't even have to talk, although we did that a lot, too. But even when we talked, we still couldn't suppress the constant smiles.

I snuggled close to him and watched Sirius, James and Peter entering through the Portrait hole.

'Ah, the love birds have been reunited once more,' Sirius bellowed, taking a seat across our couch, sitting with his legs wide apart. 'I was starting to worry; hadn't you been apart for almost ten minutes?'

'Nearly two hours, in fact,' I said, entwining my fingers with Remus's. 'And yes, that's a long time.'

'The two of you are pathetic,' said James, who leaned against Sirius's arm rest.

'Let's talk again if Lily ever agrees to go out with you, shall we?' said Remus, who then turned his attention back to me. 'How was your afternoon?'

I shrugged. 'Homework-y. Yours?'

'Very non-homework-y,' he said.

'Will you tell me what you've done?'

He shook his head; his fringe, which badly needed a cut, hung in his brown eyes. 'Sorry, Marauder's secret. Besides, if they got you, you're safer if you don't know anything of our plans.' He kissed my temple and that was the moment he was forgiven. Though he wasn't to know that.

'Marauder's secret,' I scoffed. 'How do I know you weren't just visiting your other woman?'

'Emma, the only other woman Remus could ever have is a chocolate bar,' said Sirius. 'And he _was _with her. He's probably with her right now, the two-timing bastard.' His eyes twinkled as he nodded to Remus's bag. 'Aren't I right, Remus?'

Hmm. One of the many wonderful things of Remus that I hadn't even realized before he'd become my boyfriend. Sure, I'd known he liked chocolate, but only when I spent most of my time with him, did I notice that he always carried it with him. Always.

This basically meant that I had a near-constant supply of chocolate only centimetres away from me.

I mean, honestly, how much closer can a boy get to perfection?

'Oh, I don't mind about that other woman,' I say. 'As long as you share her.'

'How does he do it?' James asked in a stage-whisper. 'They've only been together for a week and already he's in a threesome with two girls. Never thought Remus'd have such skills.'

'He surprises us all,' said Peter, nodding.

In the meanwhile, Remus got a bar of Honeydukes's white chocolate with nuts from his bag and broke off a bit for me and, of course, a bit for himself. According to James, him sharing his chocolate was the highest sign of approval he could give; it had taken the Marauders two years to make him share it with them. So you understand I felt very honoured every time he gave me some.

Remus and I ate our chocolate and grinned at each other some more while the rest of the Marauders were planning a prank. Seeing as I did little more than stare in his face for about half an hour, it was impossible not to notice the dark circles under his eyes.

'You look tired,' I said, tracing them with my finger. 'Is it because you've been up all night thinking of me or…?'

'I think I might be getting ill again,' he said. 'Although thoughts of you might be a contributing factor in my tiredness.'

'Ill _again_?' I asked, thinking how not too long ago, he'd been ill, too; and I'd seen him in the last week, _every day_. He hadn't done anything that he could be ill _again_. Then again, his poor health was becoming legendary. Maybe he didn't need to be around virus pools to catch something. 'Remus, you need to eat more fruit.'

'Maybe, yeah,' he said. Was it me or did he look… embarrassed? 'But maybe it's just a quip and I'll be grand tomorrow. Who knows?'

'I hope you will be. Imagine going through almost an entire day without you…' Now that I imagined it, it did seem quite awful. Of course I'd go and see him in the breaks, but… not seeing him in classes? They would be unbearably boring and long.

'God, Sirius, that must be awful,' said James, who'd put down his quill and was watching us, a huge smirk on his face. 'An entire day without our dearly beloved Remus, how _will _Emma survive?'

'I don't know. It must be terribly hard for her,' Sirius said. 'An entire day without sticking to him like two pieces of gum… You might have to function like a normal human being again!'

'Yes, doesn't it sound horrible?' I said. Turning back to Remus, I said, 'So you'd better not be ill tomorrow; think of all the anguish you'd put me through.'

'I'll try my best,' he said.

'Good.' I rested my head against his shoulder and breathed in his wonderful scent: chocolate, aftershave and something indefinable but very manly. When he leaned in to kiss me, I felt his stubble scraping my cheek. I loved men with stubble, though I'd never really thought Remus as a man to have it. He must have hidden masculinity in him, that comes out through his facial hair. Either way, I liked it.

'You know, Remus,' I said, after sitting like that for a couple of minutes in complete contentment, 'You have stubble.'

'I know. And that while I shaved only this morning,' he sighed, rubbing his jaw in a gesture I found unbearably sexy.

'You shaved this morning and already you've this much stubble again?' I asked in surprise.

'Yup. Does it bother you?'

'No, not at all. I think it's very sexy. Just don't grow a beard,' I add hastily. 'I won't kiss you when you have a beard or a moustache.'

'No beard, no moustache,' he promised, kissing me again. 'Would you like some more chocolate?'

I did – of course I did. As I nibbled on a piece of milk chocolate – yes, he had several bars of chocolate in his bag, he was that wonderful – I poked my stomach. 'You know, Remus, dating a boy who is a walking chocolate store might not be a good idea. My diet's screwed.'

'Why on earth would you follow a diet?' he asked.

'If you see me again after the holidays, you'll know why,' I said; I wasn't fat, not even chubby, but my body could gain wait like crazy if I didn't look out. But I'd read somewhere that a good shag burns a hundred calories; maybe I could trade chocolate for sex? That way, we'd both be happy.

'I think you don't have to worry,' he said.

'Spoken like a true gentleman. Speaking of the holidays… What are your plans?'

Apparently, he was going to spend them with his parents and James, Sirius and Peter would come around a couple of times. Nothing too eventful, until…

'And, you know, if you want to… come one day, you're more than welcome,' he said, his cheeks reddening. 'I mean, if you've time and… you know.'

An image sprang to mind, of me and Remus sitting by the fire eating chocolate biscuits and cuddling. Appealing didn't even begin to cover it. 'That would be nice,' I said. By now, my jaws started to hurt from all the grinning. 'I'm not sure if you'd ever get me to leave, though…'

But judging from his smile, he didn't mind.

God, being in love was fun.


	11. Coming home

Remus did get ill, despite all my warnings, but in the three days that followed, we just changed the setting of our grinning-at-each-other and then everything was fine. Well, not _fine_, obviously; I'd never thought I'd feel so bad when someone else was sick, but somehow, Remus managed to get out that nice side of me. I suppose it was good for me, being a nice person for a change. Maybe it was because of Christmas approaching; the birth of baby Jesus could even get out the best in _me_.

Because I spent all Remus' days in the Hospital Wing there with him, the Marauders claimed him for the majority of the train ride home, which meant I spent a long time with my friends; the first time since Remus and I'd got together.

It was high time that I did so, too. In the two weeks that I'd spent less than the usual exorbitant amount of attention on them, they somehow managed to change their lives completely. Suddenly Lily was actually drawing 'James loves Lily' in all her notebooks, Alice was contemplating marrying Frank – as in, _marrying him!_ – and Lexi had discovered sandwiches with chocolate sprinkles. And that all in the course of only two weeks!

'And… we're… back!' Lily shouted, when the train entered Platform 9 ¾. It was filled with parents, either talking animatedly to one another or just standing there in awkward loneliness; those poor parent who had been sent by his or her spouse to pick up the kids and didn't know anyone.

When I had children, Remus would be that parent.

Not me.

I should tell him that, before he gets delusions that he might stay at home and make dinner.

… But he should do that as well, shouldn't he? I mean, we can hardly go around feeding our children things I'd made, they'd die within two weeks…

Maybe this was something I shouldn't worry about until we actually _had _those babies. Rather than, you know, when we've been together for two weeks and he spent a quarter of that time in bed in a non-sexy way.

'Oh, there's Frank,' Alice said, sounding excited as she pressed her face to the window. She waved, but he didn't see her and within seconds, we'd gone past him. 'Bollocks.' She got away from the window and looked at the compartment holding our luggage.

'Okay, which of us is going to be the man and get it out?' she asked.

'Not me, I'm the dwarf,' said Lexi, abusing once more the excuse that she was tiny to be let off duties.

'I'll do it,' I said, but before I'd even had a chance to get on my toes, Lily waved her wand and one by one, the trunks levitated, moved a couple of inched forward, and came down slowly. The whole thing lasted less than ten seconds.

'You lot are pathetic,' she said, putting her wand back in the pocket of her jeans. 'I'm the Muggle born and yet I'm the only one who came up with that?'

'I'm sure this was Gods way of reminding you why you are superior to us all,' Alice said, while grabbing her trunk's handle.

'He didn't have to, I was well aware of it before this.' The train stopped entirely now and the doors to the platform opened. A seemingly endless stream of children came out, filling the platform with their cries and talking, but still the corridor was too full for us to even consider exiting our compartment.

'This is ridiculous,' Lily said, when she'd tried to step in line but was pushed away by a bulky fourth-year. 'We're seventh years, where is our respect? I was scared _shitless_ of the seventh years. And I'm Head Girl!'

'Yes, and I'm Head Boy, that doesn't make people fear me, either,' said James, who'd appeared in the doorway.

'What are you doing here, Potter?' Lily asked. Her tone was too brusque to be real and her fingers grabbed her trunk so tightly her knuckles became white.

'Just wishing you happy holidays, Evans,' he said, not fooled for a second. 'Merry Christmas and a good 1978.'

'You too,' she mumbled. He chuckled and left.

'Arse,' she said, but she looked very pleased with herself.

When it became quieter in the corridors, we decided to take the plunge, and hauled our luggage with us. The first people were already leaving the platform, making it easier for me to try and spot my parents. I turned around swiftly when I heard Alice scream.

'No, Frank, don't,' she said; she was being lifted up in a bear hug and swung through the air. 'Put me down!'

Frank, a tall, brown-haired Auror in training, let her go after about three rounds, by which time they were both smiling. I wondered if maybe it was wrong of me to interrupt their romantic reunion, but I had my social obligations, so I tapped Alice on her shoulder.

'Alice? Happy holidays,' I said, not sure if she heard me.

She averted her eyes from Frank's face. 'You too, Emma. We'll write.'

That was the best I could hope for, so I continued my search for my parents.

The moment I felt something touching my thigh, I knew they weren't coming. I wasn't even disappointed as I looked down to see our House Elf, Effie, reaching for my trunk. She'd been sent the last three years; maybe my parents thought going wasn't worthwhile if you had only one child to pick up.

'Miss Emma gives luggage to Effie,' she said, taking my trunk. 'Effie comes to pick up miss Emma next.'

'Oh, no, that's all right, I'll get home myself,' I said, though I had no idea why. Facing the cold, dark street of London or being Apparated by the House Elf… that wasn't a difficult choice, you'd say. Except that it was, because I felt loathe to get home all of a sudden.

'Is Miss Emma sure?' Effie asked.

'Very sure.'

That was all that was needed for her to Disapparate. I stared at the empty air for a second, but there was no point in me waiting here, so I buttoned my coat and made way for the gates.

'Emma!' someone called.

My head snapped up, only too look into the face of Remus. I'd seen him a couple of times on the train, but still, just seeing him again made my heart flutter. And now I wasn't going to see him for _days_. Oh, Merlin.

'Remus,' I said. 'Hey.'

'Hi.' He grinned and pulled me into a hug. 'Are you in a hurry?' he asked, when he'd released me. I shook my head and he continued, 'Because I, er, might've bragged about you a bit to my parents, so they're really curious about you…'

'Your parents want to meet me?'

He nodded and then gestured to a couple standing a couple of metres away, looking at us. The man was a tall man with hair that was almost entirely grey, except for a couple of locks in Remus's milk chocolate brown, and the woman was small and dainty. It was easy to say who Remus took after; even if he hadn't pointed them out to me, I would've recognized his face in his mother's.

But still. Looking like Remus did not mean she would shower affection on me like he did.

Then again, I'd be rather worried if his mum fancied me.

I let myself be pulled along to his parents, hoping I looked about decent.

'Mum, dad, this is Emma,' Remus said, wrapping his arm around my waist. 'Emma, these are my parents, John and Rachel.'

'Oh, Moony, are you introducing her to your parents?' James appeared again, closely followed by Sirius. 'Hey Johnny, Rach. I feel I should warn you,' he said, in a tone that was unexpectedly serious.

'Yes,' said Sirius, when Rachel raised her eyebrows. 'If you want to have a normal conversation with Remus, make sure Emma's not around.'

'Every brain wave he has will be about her,' James nodded. 'And only when she's gone will he be able to talk about other things.'

'I'm not that bad,' Remus said. 'I don't only think of Emma when she's around. Sometimes I think of chocolate, too.'

'Or the combination of the two, eh?' Sirius winked. 'Anyway, happy holidays and we'll be around next week, so brace yourselves.'

'I'm already stocking up food,' Rachel said. 'Don't worry, you won't starve.'

'Yeah!' Sirius and James gave each other high fives; Sirius ruffled through Remus's hair and then they went off with Mr. and Mrs. Potter. I felt for James's mother; how awful it must be, living with those two boys… Hell, feeding them!

John Lupin cleared his throat. 'All right, er, good to know,' he said. 'Anyway, Emma, it's nice to meet you, even if you do take away my son's intelligence.'

'I am sorry about that,' I said. Blimey, this was a lot more awkward than I'd imagined it would be. Maybe this was the real reason why I hadn't had actual boyfriends before Remus? Apart from Sirius, but he'd immediately told me that he'd show his love for me by never introducing me to his parents.

'Anyway,' Rachel said in a loud voice, 'John, you and I are going to be very interested in that announcement over there.'

'Why would we - ' He caught her pointed look and smacked his forehead. 'Oh, right, of course.'

They quickly walked away, leaving Remus and me as alone as you could be on a crowded platform. Still, it was a lot less awkward than when they had still been standing next to us.

'I can't believe I won't see you for a whole week,' I said, putting my arms around him. 'Forget going to classes without you, that was a piece of cake compared to this.'

'You can always come by earlier, if you want to,' he said. 'I mean, there's a chance you meet Scary Aunt Elise, but other than that… You're more than welcome.'

'I might take you up on that.' I said. 'Merlin, I miss you already.'

'You are a bit of a drama queen, aren't you?' he murmured, before bending down to kiss me. I wasn't sure whether he'd intended for it to become a full-on snog – he wasn't the best with affection in public – but by the time his father called, 'Oi! Remus!' and we broke the kiss, the platform was nearly deserted.

'Remus, we really have to go, or your mum is going to kill us for ruining the dinner,' John said, looking as awkward as I felt. 'Don't shoot me, I'm only the messenger.'

'Right,' said Remus. 'Well, I'll… see you, then,' he told me. Somehow, those words didn't seem sufficient; he'd 'see me'? No, he wouldn't, would he?

Whoa. Possessive girlfriend syndrome. Easy, Emma.

'Yeah. Bye.'

A last kiss – no snog, nothing more than a peck on my cheek, really – and he and his parents left. I waited for about two minutes, so I wouldn't bump into him again outside; there was nothing more embarrassing than meeting someone again after your first goodbye. You'd just go, 'Oh, haha, goodbye again, haha' and everyone would feel stupid. To avoid this, I always waited a couple of minutes until I thought the coast was clear.

When I stepped outside, I wondered why on earth I'd told Effie to go home without me. Not because I could easily get home by myself, that was for sure; I never understood Muggle public transport and I'd failed both of my Apparition tests. But I told myself it was a nice walk, a great way to see London again after my months of absence, and I refused to call Effie now. I had my pride.

So on I went, and although I couldn't feel my toes by the time I'd finished the hour-long walk, I was reminded of the beauty of our capital city. The Muggle tourists, the Muggles going crazy in those coloured… _things _they used as transport, the Muggles complaining about the weather. London was a very Muggly town if you weren't in the right place.

The Hart house was a large, stone building with a view over Hyde Park. It was just off the main roads, which meant hardly any Muggles – tourist or Londoners – wandered in our street, which was just as well, seeing as once in a while, things happened that Muggles weren't allowed to see. At the moment, the worst offence our house made towards the International Statute of Secrecy were the small, coloured pixies floating in front of the window, singing Christmas songs.

When I entered, the smell of the Italian cuisine filled my nose. No Christmas-like welcome dinner, then, with a turkey and mashed potatoes. It wasn't as if I'd expected it; the fairies were just a decoy, but inside, the Christmas feeling would be hard to find.

'I'm home,' I called, as I took off my coat.

My mother appeared in the hallway, her dark hair, streaked with grey, in a classy do. 'There is no need to shout,' she informed me, before submitting me to her scrutiny. 'You are late.'

'I decided to go for a walk.'

'Why?'

'So I might be hit by a bus before I got here.'

She narrowed her eyes – blue, like mine, but I could only hope I would never use mine to give such disapproving stares. 'Don't be such a smartass. Speaking of ass, you seem to have gained one – how much weight have you gained?'

Wow. Even for her, this was a new record. Calling me fat before I'd even set foot in the living room. 'I'm glad to see you, too, Serena,' I said. 'Is Edmund home yet?'

'No. He's still at work.'

'Oh. And Will?' I asked, sending an entire opera of prayer to Merlin.

'He won't come until tomorrow.' Her features softened and she shook her head slowly. 'Really, Emma, sometimes I don't know what to do with you. You'd better get changed, I expect your father will come home soon and Marcus and Beatrice are staying for dinner.' She went back into the living room, thereby missing me sticking my tongue out at her retreating back.

Childish, I know, but sometimes she just deserves it.

* * *

><p><strong>An: Christmas, the reason why they discovered America. So we can go far away from our families and avoid this awkwardness. Anyway, review button is right down here, folks (:**


	12. Dinner

Will was the only reason I managed to survive the first twenty-four hours of my stay. When at eleven the following morning I entered the drawing room and saw him standing there, still in his travelling cloak, talking to Serena, I forgot all my dignity and squealed with delight.

Within minutes, we'd re-established our us-against-the-world camaraderie, ignoring Serena and Effie as well as possible; it wasn't too hard, seeing as Serena had a lunch meeting at two and Effie listened when we told her to sod off.

It was because of Will that it took me until four before the first wave of WRD - Without-Remus Depression – hit me. And when it did, I took care of it in the only way I knew how: by talking about him. Endlessly.

The great thing about Will was that he hardly knew anything about Remus, apart from what I'd told him that one time in the Three Broomsticks; it wasn't as if I'd waste valuable time with Remus by writing about him to my brother. So now I could tell Will everything, from the failed attempts to the success and all it entailed.

'I suppose he sounds nice enough,' he finally said. 'I do wonder, though…'

'What?'

'What did he think before he fancied you? I mean, at that party for instance…' He grinned. 'It almost sounds as if you scared him away…'

I thought back of that first dance. It was something I'd spent many a lonely hour pondering on, and sometime last week, when Remus was recovering but not yet well enough to leave the Hospital Wing, I'd asked him.

'Well, he… He said – and there are his exact words – "You can be very scary when you want something."' I still hadn't figured out if that was a compliment or not. 'And apparently it surprised him, though Merlin knows how, seeing as he'd known me for years and we were dancing…'

'And of course, he should've known that you only danced with boys to get into their pants,' he said, nodding. Then he broke into ravenous laughter. 'Oh, now I feel for the poor boy. "You can be very scary when you want something", he's right about that.'

'Whatever. So yes, I scared him away at first. But,' I balled my fist and held it in front of my chest, 'In the end, victory was mine! Oooh, and had I told you about the chocolate?' I gushed, forgetting to speak in my dignified sergeant-voice.

'The fact that he always has it?'

'No, I mean, I know I've told you about that, but the chocolate _messages_? No, doesn't ring a bell?'

He fell back on his bed, his hands behind his head, staring at the ceiling. 'You have chocolate messages?' he asked.

'Yes! It started out as a joke, you know, I remembered those Muggle sweets that are heart-shaped and have a message on them? And I thought, if they were made out of chocolate, they'd be perfect for Remus. So I went to the kitchens and the House Elves made me some and I didn't eat all of them. And on one I didn't eat, I wrote with white chocolate… What was it again?'

'"Fancy a shag?"'

I kicked him, but he only grinned more broadly. 'No. I think it said "I like you". Something like that, anyway. And I put it in his bag when he wasn't watching and then that evening, when I was removing my make-up, a piece of chocolate flew in through the door - '

'The chocolate flew in through the door?' Will said incredulously. 'Why didn't he bring it up himself?'

'You know why. Boys can't enter the girls' dormitory.' If there was _anyone _of whom I was sure he knew this, it was Will. And Sirius. '_Anyway_, stop interrupting my story.'

'Sorry.'

'Good. Feel bad about yourself.'

He put on an expression that could be an illustration in the Bible of a good, repenting Christian, so I forgave him and continued. 'So this piece of chocolate came in, heart-shaped, with _caramel _in it, I am not kidding, and it said… "I like you too". So I guess I wrote "I like you" on mine.' It was the one piece of chocolate I'd ever felt bad about eating; what I really wanted was to treasure it, maybe hang it on my wall as a constant reminder of Remus's cuteness, but in the end, the call had been too strong.

And so our little habit of sending each other chocolate messages had begun. Sometimes we just put them in each others bags, sometimes I placed them on his favourite place in the library, when I was sure he was going to study so he knew I'd be five minutes late, sometimes we just gave them to one another.

'You exchange chocolate,' Will mused. 'I suppose he _is _the perfect man for you.'

'I know. The only one who truly understands me.' I sighed, wondering if it was too early to write Remus yet. It wasn't as if anything had happened that was write worthy, but if I wrote him, he'd have to write back, and I was in dire need of his attention. 'I miss him already.'

'Emma, now you're scaring me,' said Will, sitting up and sending me a worried look. 'You saw him only a day ago.'

'Yes, but do you know how _long _a day away from him is?'

He might never find out, because at that moment, Effie came into the room and informed us it was time for dinner. Since we had no guests, we didn't have to change and Will and I went down the marble staircase making bets on whether our father would or would not show up, despite what he'd said.

'Edmund,' Will said, sounding surprised when we entered the dining room and he was actually there. 'Hello.'

'Hello William,' Edmund said. He was already seated at the head of the table and made no attempts to get up, so after an awkward pause wherein Will and I didn't know whether to go up to him or not, we both just took our usual places at the table.

Our parents were the only ones who spoke while Effie served dinner; they discussed someone Will and I were probably supposed to know, judging from their many looks in our direction. Chances were we'd suppressed the memories because the boredom of even thinking about this person might kill us, but now was not the time to bring that up.

'So, Emma,' Edmund eventually said, while cutting his steak, 'How are things at school?'

'Great,' I said. 'I mean, my grades are quite good and you know about Remus…' Even at dinner with my family, he could make me smile.

My father looked up from his plate, his bushy eyebrows frowned. 'Remus?' he asked. 'Do you mean Remus O'Shannahaugh, the inventor of the Ducktail enchantment? What about him?'

My smile froze. 'No, Edmund, I mean Remus Lupin.'

'Who is that?' He went back to cutting his meat; I could feel I'd lost his attention when it turned out my Remus wasn't famous.

'My Boyfriend,' I said. 'You know, the one I wrote you about?'

He exchanged looks with Serena, who seemed just as surprised as he did. 'Did you, honey?' she asked, feigning a happy smile. 'How nice for you.'

'This Lupin,' my father said, 'What does he do?'

'He goes to Hogwarts.'

'And his father?'

'He works at the Daily Prophet,' I said.

'Ah. And your grades are all right?'

'My grades are fine.'

That seemed to be all he had to say about the subject, because he turned to Will to discuss some matters at the Ministry and the election of the new Minister. I knew I should pay attention to their conversation – he always upbraided me about not knowing what was going on in the Magical world – but I was too miffed. I hardly ate anything, my mother's comment from yesterday only too clear in my memory.

At the end of the one-hour dinner, my parents seemed to decide we had all been tortured enough by the uncomfortableness, and Will and I were allowed to retire to our rooms. Once in Will's room, I let myself fall on his bed and started to nose about under his bed. It didn't take long for me to find an old copy of _Playwizard_.

'Typical,' I said, while leafing through it. Endless articles on how to pick up girls, the best shaving spells, what to do when your 'wand' didn't cooperate (I wasn't sure whether that was a metaphor or not and decided I wasn't going to find out; it'd only end in disappointment). 'Do you read this crap?'

He didn't laugh, as I'd expected him to. When I glanced up, I saw him sitting on his Victorian couch.

'Will?' I asked, wondering what was amiss. 'What's up?'

'Do you remember when I told you about my new boss, Lucius?' he asked.

Oh, shizzle. Was Will being bullied at work? 'Er, yes… what about him?'

'Well, he's part of this club – or rather, a society,' Will said. His hands were toying with the front of his robes, a habit we both had when we were nervous. 'And he asked me to join, which I did, and I was just wondering if maybe when you finish Hogwarts, you'd want to, as well.'

Oh. No bullying then. More like a Marauders post-Hogwarts, or something like that. 'If it's the kind of group where you men are playing cards while drinking and complaining about the Appleby Arrows, then I'll pass.'

Again, he didn't laugh at my attempt to be funny. 'No, it's not exactly that,' he said.

'Then what do you do?'

'We're going to purify the Wizarding World.'

'As in, you're opposed to magical waste?' I asked, though something about his tone told me that this was a different kind of purifying. 'Haven't we got people like Filch for that?'

'No, Filch isn't the kind of person for the job,' he said. 'No, it's more like… How do I explain this? You know how the Magical World is just filled with scumbags lately? And I don't mean the last couple of months, but the last years, really. People who shouldn't… who shouldn't be allowed to be near magic?'

The only one I could think of was Peter, seeing as he had a talent for making things explode when he was using magic. 'Ah… no, I don't know that, actually.'

'No, maybe you haven't noticed it yet. It's more obvious when you're not on Hogwarts anymore,' he said. He got up from his chair and went to sit next to me on the bed. 'But you should just know that you shouldn't believe everything you read about them in the Prophet.'

'Your society is in the Daily Prophet?' This just became a whole of a lot more interesting. Purifying is one thing, but media attention…

'We're mentioned once in a while,' he said.

'And what are you called? So I know which stories not to believe and such.'

'Death Eaters. Now now, ' he said, when my mouth dropped in incredulity. 'I know it sounds very scary and evil - '

'It does.'

'But it's only a cool-man name. I mean, that Remus of yours belongs to a club named the Marauders, and they're not doing illegal things, are they?' I wasn't too sure of that; I had no difficulty whatsoever imagining those boys doing at least _some _illegal stuff. 'It's just a name,' Will said. 'It doesn't mean anything.'

'Good,' I said. 'Because it sounds like you're part of a group of necrofagists. '

This time, he did laugh and tugged a string of my hair. 'Nothing like that, don't worry. And think about it.'


	13. Drug

**A/N: I was watching Twilight the other day with my friend (yes, I know, shame on us) when we noticed something. In the entire film, Bella laughs only once. Once! When she's hopelessly in love with someone! You'd think that that, especially when it's reciprocated, would make you want to grin all the time. So there are some shout-outs to Twilight in this chapter, but with (what I see as) normal teenage love, instead of depressed, I'm-not-happy-when-I'm-with-you-I-just-become-suicidal-when-you-leave-me teenage love. **

**Also, to all of you who want to marry Remus: He's mine. Sorry girls (and Peter).**

* * *

><p>There was a note on the kitchen dresser when I got downstairs the next day.<p>

_William and Emma, your father just wrote he has a sudden meeting at the Ministry and won't be home for dinner, will you tell Effie? Serena._

Since I doubted Effie had assumed Edmund would be there, I simply crumpled the piece of parchment and put it in my back pocket. I looked around for something easy and edible, settling in the end for an apple. While I ate, I walked to the dining room, where I now saw another note. I picked it up, wondering where my mother managed to find parchment with a family weapon on it.

_William and Emma, I just remembered that I have dinner with the Blacks tonight, so I won't be home for dinner. Will you tell Effie? Serena._

This was something Effie might not have anticipated; I'd tell her when I found her. Until then, I had no idea what I was going to do. Sometimes I asked myself why I didn't just stay at Hogwarts during the holidays; if Lily, Lexi or Alice stayed as well, it would be the best time ever. Instead I always went home, either hanging out with Will – which was something that was a lot harder now he had a job, I found out – or sought girls from my Muggle primary school. But as I only saw them during the holidays, the first move was always a bit awkward and it was quite difficult to keep up the Muggle façade all the time; I wasn't sure if it was me, or if Muggles really invented more crazy things, but sometimes pretending to know what a telephone did, was quite tiring.

I could of course be virtuous and do my homework. Have it done with, so I could spend the rest of the holidays free of worry.

Or, you know, I could not do that and read old _Fashion Witch _instead.

Choices.

On the door to my room, where I hadn't noticed it before, stuck another note.

_Sweet, wonderful, beautiful, forgiving, divine Emma! So very sorry, but I won't be able to deliver you from boredom tonight. Got a meeting with Lucius & co. You could come too, if you like, but it won't be the most interesting ever, so I'm sure you've better things to do. I will make it up to you tomorrow; let's go ice skating, all right? Until then: I know you love me and are capable of forgiveness. Good luck avec les parents tonight. Love Will. _

_P.S. I drew a happy otter for you._

Underneath it was a caricature of an otter with a broad smile and a text balloon, saying, 'Sorry' in capitals. I tore the parchment off the wall, not feeling in the mood for forgiveness. They were all just letting me down? I understood Edmund – he probably spent most of his days dining somewhere else. But the first days of the holidays were pre-eminently Serena's days of showing the world she was a good mother and Will _owed _it to me to save me, even more so when even mother and father weren't around to annoy me.

It was at times like this that I understood Rudolph best.

When I entered my room and saw a small grey owl sitting on my bed, a package tied to its claw, I wondered if this was Effie, using this strange way to tell me that she wasn't eating here tonight either and that I had to cook for myself. At the rate this day was going, it would hardly be surprising.

'This is the Christmas spirit,' I mumbled, but despite the possibility of yet someone else rejecting me, I released the package from the owl. It was a latter, with something else in the envelope as well. I scanned it briefly; it was round-ish, but that was all I could tell without opening the letter.

When I did, a brown object fell on to my duvet. With my keen senses, I knew it was chocolate immediately. I picked it up and turned it around in my hands. In dark chocolate, someone had written 'I miss you' in the middle of a bonbon.

I ripped the envelope in my haste to get out the letter. It was written in Remus's neat, cursive handwriting; I'd even missed that.

_Dear Emma,_

_Nothing much has happened here, except for my mother complaining I look like a skeleton and my father attempting to boil eggs in the oven (it doesn't work, apparently). So I'm not sure why I'm writing you, as this is probably not very interesting, but I just wanted to let you know that I miss you and think about you a lot. My father now says that you don't even have to be around for my brain to stop working and I think he might have a point; basically every thought I've had was about you. I can't wait to see you again._

_Lots of love,_

_Remus_

How does he do it? I mused, placing the letter on my nightstand and searching around for my shoes. Even when he's hundreds of kilometres away, he still manages to make me feel great. Maybe he should make a business out of it; forget pepping potions, everybody just needs a daily dose of Remus Lupin and then the world's sadness would disappear!

The only problem was that it was rather addictive. One dose wasn't enough and seeing as I was a junkie, I thought it no more than my right to get more.

I quickly applied some make-up and ran my hands through my hair to make sure it looked tousled and careless but not messy, a tricky job. My need for Remus was bigger than my vanity, however, so when I felt it was okay rather than perfect, I went downstairs and got the vase my parents kept their Floo powder in.

'Effie!' I called, as I went to the dining hall, where the fireplace was. It was burning steadily and for a moment, I felt for Effie. All that useless work she did; no one ever went to the fireplace, except for dinner and sometimes, like now, for travelling. Yet she kept it burning all day and all night.

She appeared in the door opening. 'Yes, miss Emma?'

'I'm leaving now and I might not be home for dinner. Neither will Serena, Edmund of Will, so… ah…' So what, she had a night off? What would she do if she did? 'You don't have to cook for us.'

'All right, miss Emma.' Was it me, or did her large ears perk up a bit at hearing this? Probably me. 'You miss Emma needs something, miss Emma just needs to call Effie.'

'I know. Bye.'

She left and I turned to the fireplace. I threw in the powder, hoping Remus's house was linked to the Floo Network as well. Otherwise, I'd be screwed. Maybe I should write him and –

No.

Need. Remus.

NOW.

The flamed burned a bright emerald as I stepped into them. In a clear voice, I called the name by which I'd once heard Remus refer to his house: 'Cosy Cottage.' Yes, corny, but I could very well imagine Remus's house to be the cosiest in the history of cosy houses.

And when, after a strange ride through chimneys that left me a bit nauseous, I stepped into a kitchen, my suspicions were confirmed. It was the cosiest I'd ever seen: a square table stood in the middle, adorned by a bowl of fruit, while in the sink the plates were cleaning themselves. On the wall were several kids' drawings and from an adjoined room came soft piano music. A large Labrador came from the corridor, barking, closely followed by John Lupin.

'Snuffles, down,' he said to the dog, just before it had reached me. 'Hello Emma. I didn't expect you yet…'

'No, er, that could be right,' I said, brushing of the ash before I stepped onto the immaculate tiles of the floor. The dog – Snuffles – jumped up again, wiggling his tail, and I bowed down to tickle him behind his ear. 'I was supposed to come on Wednesday but I thought I'd come by and surprise you – if that's all right?' We were British, after all; dropping by somewhere without an appointment was almost unheard of.

'Of course it is,' he said. 'Remus'll be delighted to see you. Would you like something to drink, by the way?'

'No thank you.' I wanted to see Remus!

He seemed to understand, because he then led me to the living room. It was bigger than the kitchen, filled with what looked like old but comfortable furniture. The music turned out to come from a piano in the right corner, on which Remus was playing.

Maybe that one and a half day without him had been enough to make me forget a part of his adorableness, or he just looked incredibly sexy when playing the piano, with a concentrated expression on his face.

'Remus,' John Lupin said.

The music stopped when Remus turned around to look at his father; two seconds later, I was being lifted in the air. 'Emma!'

'The one and only,' I said, when he'd put me down. We'd both started our grinning again. Better than antidepressants, that boy was.

I put my arms around his neck and kissed him softly on his lips. 'Hey. I missed you, too.'

'Oh, God, puppy love,' John Lupin said. 'Those were the days, when two hours without the significant other were too long…'

I wasn't sure if he was being sarcastic or not. Either way, Remus solved it by ignoring him and saying, 'How did you k now where I lived?'

'You'd mentioned it once.'

'Wow. So you actually listen to what I say?'

'When it's useful.' I kissed him again. His father grunted and then I heard the scuffling sounds of receding footsteps. This increase of privacy was followed by more kissing, until I heard his mother say, 'Remus! Who is – oh, Emma. Sorry, I should've known.'

I broke free of Remus's arms, remembering that these were his parents and that if would help if they liked me. 'Hello Mrs. Lupin,' I said.

'Dear, just call me Rachel, "Mrs. Lupin" makes me feel old. And I kept my maiden name,' she said. 'So if you have to refer to me by my surname, call me "Mrs. MacDonald". But I really prefer Rachel.'

'I'll keep it in mind, Rachel,' I said. I might have to tell Remus that in the event of him meeting my mother, she was definitely a Mrs. Hart. Then again, he might never meet her; I hardly ever did.

'So when did you get here?' she asked.

'Just now,' I said, though a glance at the clock told me it had been at least thirty minutes. Whoops. Another side effect of the Remus drug: time-warping.

'And are you staying for dinner?'

I exchanged looks with Remus; he didn't seem to mind. 'If it's not too much of a problem,' I said.

'No, no, of course not,' she assured me. 'Remus, have you shown her the house yet?'

He hadn't, and so I got the grand tour through _maison Rémus_. The was the living room, the kitchen, hit parents bedroom, the bathroom, an attic he told me about but didn't show me, and his room, which was exactly as I'd imagined it. Loads of books, both on bookshelves as randomly lying around; and they were the _only _thing lying around. No dirty underwear, no dirty socks, no scruffy magazines. If it weren't for the books, one might almost think he had OCD.

And then there was the bed, which was made – maybe slightly OCD, then. I sat down on the bed, wondering if it smelled like him, when he came to sit next to me. He smelled like him.

'So this is your house,' I said, taking off my shoes. I tucked my legs underneath me. 'It's nice. Your parents are nice, too.'

'I think they're ecstatic that I've finally got a girl, really,' he said, bending over to kiss me. 'They were probably afraid I was planning on marrying my books, or something like that.'

I looked at the four books lying next to his bed; two of them lying page-first on the floor, one of them with a bookmark in it and one closed. 'I think that might be a very legitimate fear, darling.'

'Don't you start, too.'

'Then shut me up.'

He did, and we kissed some more. Ah, the bliss of kissing Remus Lupin!

* * *

><p>Dinner with his parents was nothing like dinner with mine. They went out of their way to tell me embarrassing stories about a young Remus, making it hard for me to decide what was cuter; young Remus or embarrassed Remus right next to me. When dinner was over, we actually <em>stayed at the table to talk<em>, and it wasn't just about work, either. His parents were incredibly curious as to what kind of girl I was, maybe in an attempt to figure out whether I was a book in human form.

As the evening went by, I became more and more reluctant to go home. So when Remus's mother asked, 'Emma, would you like to stay over?' the answer was out of my mouth before I'd even had time to consider it.

'I'd love to.'

'Son, you've scored,' Remus' father said, as he went upstairs to prepare an extra bed in Remus's room. It turned out Remus's mum was a Muggle, so while she did the cooking, most of the other chores in the Lupin house were done by the men, who were done with them in less than a second using magic.

'Sometimes your father can be such a man,' Rachel sighed. '"You've scored", really. I'm sorry about that, Emma. It's just…'

'Men,' we said at the same time, and laughed.

Then again, I loved men, something I was reminded of again when, a couple of hours later, Remus and I went upstairs. His father had put up a bed next to Remus's, but with a gap of about a foot. Just as well; the tension was tangible enough the way it was, without thinking of sleeping in the same bed.

It had been agreed I'd just sleep in old clothes of Remus, something I was looking forward to. While he searched around in his closet for something for me to wear, I stripped off my day-clothes. When he turned around, his eyes nearly popped out of his head and he turned back so quick I wasn't sure if it was good for his neck, while he held out the shirt for me.

'Remus, you're such a prude,' I said, as I got up and snatched the shirt from his hands. 'I'm still wearing my underwear, aren't I? It's safe to look, by the way,' I added, when I'd pulled the shirt over my head. I was still wearing make-up, but I wasn't going to take that off; taking off my clothes was a lot less scary than facing Remus without mascara.

He turned and, upon seeing that I was indeed decent, seemed to relax. 'I'm not a prude,' he said.

'Except when you are.'

'Exactly.' From underneath his duvet he picked up another shirt. He looked at the shirt. Back at me. Now back at the shirt. Back at me. Seemed to think of something. 'Would you mind terribly if I asked you to turn around?'

'You'd never hear the end of the prude jokes, but other than that…' I sent him a small smile. 'Really, Remus, don't be so insecure, I'm sure you're still sexy without a shirt. You might even be sexier than usual.'

He didn't reply. In one swift move he pulled his shirt off, revealing a pale, skinny body, with a couple of red and pink lines across the chest and his arms. Scars.

Before I could say anything about it, he'd put his night shirt on. 'See? Not a prude,' he said jokingly.

'Remus, where'd you get those scars?' I asked. It had to be the first time I saw a boy fumbling with his zipper and _wasn't _thinking about what was underneath it.

His hands froze. 'Er… Our last dog. He got rabies.'

'Your _dog _did this?' I asked, looking at his right arm, which had one thin, white line. As he was always covered with robes, I'd never seen it before; of course I'd known about those in his face, but I'd thought… I didn't know what I'd thought. It just seemed strange for a dog to do so much damage.

He shifted uncomfortably under my gaze. 'Yeah.'

'When did it happen?' Now, his pants were off as well, and I vaguely noticed he had Gryffindor boxers. Those Marauders; Gryffindor pride before everything, even decent underwear.

'A couple of years ago,' he said, while climbing into his bed. 'Listen, Emma,' he said brusquely, when I opened my mouth, 'could we not talk about this right now?'

I closed my mouth and studied his face. He looked very uncomfortable; I suppose I would be, too. 'All right,' I said. I slithered under the duvet and waited for Remus to turn off the lights. We lay in silence for a couple of minutes; I was achingly aware of how close he was, yet he felt very far away. 'Remus?'

'Emma?' came his voice in the dark.

'You're amazing, did you know that?'

He didn't answer me. Instead, I heard ruffling sheets, a creaking floorboard. Then I felt my duvet being pulled up and a warm body climbing in bed with me. The beating of a heart underneath my fingers. The scraping of stubble across my cheek. Two lips close to my ear. 'Emma, you're a miracle.'

It was the best night's sleep I'd ever had.


	14. Holiday spirit?

The only thing better than my dream was reality. Waking up to a room that was slowly being filled with light, despite the curtains, a lone bird singing outside the window, feeling warm and safe and rested, but, best of all, turning around and finding Remus next to me, still fast asleep. He was snoring softly and had his arm wrapped around me.

I pondered about waking him; to study him now, when he was so peaceful and sweet; or to taste the pleasure of his attention. At least I couldn't make the wrong choice.

I decided to compromise; I just lay there, watching Remus's relaxed face, and then softly prodded him. He didn't react, not even when I prodded him again, harder this time. The boy was about as responsive as a rock.

'Remus,' I said softly, though I already knew it wouldn't help. 'Remus.'

No response.

For fuck's sake.

'Oi, Remus,' I said, sitting up straight. Peaceful, my arse. Comatose, more like it. I shook his shoulder and finally – finally – I got something resembling a human reaction. I got a 'Hmmm?'. At least it was a start. 'Remus, get up.'

'Five more minutes,' he said, without opening his eyes.

But I knew this trick. I was a teenager too, and I'd uttered these words on many an occasion when Lexi tried to get me out of bed. It only took thirty seconds for someone to fall asleep again, sometimes even less, and the rest of those minutes were only rebuilding the wall of sleep I'd just destroyed. Or at least dented.

'No, Remus Lupin, you will wake up right now,' I said, cursing that my hands weren't cold. Nothing like cold hands on a chest to shock a boy awake.

He opened his eyes and stared blankly at me for a couple of seconds. 'Emma? What are you doing in my bed?'

'What are _you _doing in _mine_, you mean,' I said, nodding to his bed, which was still empty.

He turned around, saw he was indeed lying in a bed other than his own, and then turned to me again. 'I think I remember. Sorry, I'm not too good at thinking before I've had my first chocolate shot.'

'And people say I'm a chocolate hooligan.' I bent over to kiss him. 'Good morning, by the way.'

'A very good morning.' Hmm. Morning kisses in bed with Remus Lupin. That was the great thing about this day; it had barely even started and already it was getting more and more wonderful with each passing second. Also, it seemed chocolate wasn't the only thing to help Remus get up; if you just kissed him long enough, he'd retrieve his sense. And he'd become even better. Because despite what his reputation would make you believe, he knew what to do.

All in all, life was great that day.

And many of the subsequent days. If Will wasn't at home and I didn't feel like visiting my Muggle friends, I just stepped into the fireplace and went to Remus's. I got to know his parents, who liked me, his dog, who didn't like me very much, but best of all was of course that I got to spend loads and loads of time with Remus. In the second week, Sirius, James and Peter came by a couple of times, too, which meant I had to share him, but seeing as I liked the Marauders, that wasn't too much of a hardship.

I spent the rest of my time with Will, who was home almost every evening (and then went out again at night, only to bring several girls home with him) and some of the afternoons, too, when he wasn't at work or with the DE's. (I'd resolved to referring to them like that, seeing as I just couldn't think of my brother as something named a Death Eater. No matter what he said, I couldn't shake the images off mad people feasting on the bodies of their kills.

Of course, the DE's weren't anything like that; I met Lucius Malfoy, who was quite nice, if a bit full of himself. He might've been my type, had it not been for the long, blond hair that I found rather girlish, and the fact that I already had the most perfect person alive as my boyfriend.

'He was nice,' I said, when he had Disapparated after a couple of hours' chat in Wills room. 'He needs to do something about his hair, but other than that…'

'Yes, it's gay, isn't it?' Will looked into the mirror, at his own ebony curls. 'But don't say anything about it to him, he's proud of it.'

'Merlin knows why. So, apart from those secret meetings in various places such as your bedroom,' I said, which earned me a soft tap on the head, which I easily dodged, 'What do you lot do? Discuss girls? What are the other guys like, anyway?'

'It's not a dating centre, Ems,' he said.

'I know that. I don't need a dating centre. I'm just curious about who you hang out with. I mean, Lucius is nice enough, but what if I suddenly find out you're chilling with someone utterly uncool?'

'I'd never.' He paused, frowning slightly. 'All right, some of them aren't the sharpest knives in the drawer, but most of them are nice. There's Antonin, who'd be a bit old for you, even if you _were _looking for a bloke, and there's Rodolphus, who you'd probably fall for within a second, so I'd best keep you away from him…'

This time it's my turn to smack him. 'I'm very faithful, I'll have you know.'

'Of course, darling. Who else is there… Lucius you know, and there's Fenrir, but he's definitely not your type. Unless you fancy werewolves, of course.' He wiggled his eyebrows at me. 'But somehow I don't see that happening.'

I shuddered. 'No, neither do I. There are werewolves in your club?' Werewolves were society's dregs; it seemed weird to imagine Will hanging out with them.

He nodded; his mouth was a grim line before he said, 'I don't know why, I'd rather there weren't. He makes me nervous, he does. Just the thought that once a month… And his manners are _horrible_. He really is like a beast in human form, even when it's not the full moon. As you might imagine, I avoid him as much as possible.'

'You should,' I said. It made _me _nervous, thinking of him spending time alone with a werewolf. What if he got bitten? I wasn't sure if werewolves could infect others whilst in human form, but I'd rather Will didn't become the test case.

He must've seen my worried face, because his unusually grim face broke into the smile I was more familiar with. 'But other than him, they're nice enough. Few girls, unfortunately, but I suppose that's why one goes clubbing.'

At Platform 9 ¾, Will was the one to see me off. Edmund had to go to the Ministry again, which was hardly surprising, and Serena said she needed her beauty sleep. Will was up at nine, however, helping me pack my last things, having breakfast with me, making me promise I'd write him.

'Well, have fun,' he said, once we'd come through the magical barrier. 'Don't do anything I wouldn't do.'

'You realise that rules out basically nothing?' I said, while pushing my trolley to the train. We were running a bit late – that was the price one paid for travelling with the ever-late Will – so most of the students were already inside the crimson train.

As Will helped me load my trunk onto the train, he shot me a grin that I knew made girls' heart beat faster. 'Exactly. And whatever it is you do, I want to know about it. No more "I'm in love and have better things to do than write my dearly beloved brother." If you're up to something naughty, I want to know.'

'This is starting to sound incestuous,' I said. The sharp sound of the conductor's whistle broke through the chat. Will quickly heaved my bag – new, given to me for Christmas by a father who seemed to think that nice bags made up for a lack of attention – on the train.

'I don't need to know everything about your sex life,' he said, knowing, like always, what I meant. 'You can keep that to yourself. Unless something very exciting happens.'

'That is exactly what I'll keep from you.'

'Boo, you whore. Anyway, whatever you might do… Consider the offer from the DE, all right?'

I stepped onto the train just before it came in motion, glad I didn't have time to answer. I sent Will an air-kiss, which he pretended to catch, and seconds later, we'd left the station and I was standing in a busy corridor. Time to find my friends.

They found me first. Lily had been on patrol and was nice enough to show me to the compartment where Lexi and Alice were staying; she said she'd be back within an hour.

'As if,' Lexi snorted, when I'd closed the door behind me. 'More likely she'll drag James into an empty carriage and snog his head off.'

'Hello to you too,' I said. I tried to get my suitcase on the compartment meant for the bigger luggage and was about to fail when Alice simply waved her wand and magic did the trick for me. Right. I really had to start remembering that. But first things first. 'Did her longing for James become so strong she has to give in to it now?'

'He sent her a necklace for Christmas. She's wearing it right now,' Alice simply replied. 'If he sees that, she might not have to drag him to that compartment.'

'They'll just do it in the middle of the train?' I surmised.

'Exactly.'

I grinned and went to sit next to Lexi, who started telling me about her holidays. After about two hours, the doors opened and Lily stood there, but she wasn't alone. She was accompanied by James, who looked very smug, and Remus.

'And after an unbearable two weeks without each other, the star-crossed lovers meet again,' Lexi said in a deep, commentator-like voice, as I leap up and throw my arms around Remus.

'More like an unbearable two days,' said James. 'You didn't think they'd actually survive two whole _weeks _without each other?'

Loathe as I was to admit it, there was nothing I could say against it.


	15. Newspapers

'Good Heavens, it can't be! Emma Hart, reading a newspaper?' Sirius asked, holding one hand over his heart.

'Not yet. Emma Hart holding a newspaper.' I held it up for him to see, while at the same time trying to get off the rubber band that held the paper in its tube. 'But I'm planning to read it.'

'I suppose _this _is what dating Remus Lupin does to you.' He shook his head as he went to sit opposite me, with Peter on his left and James on his right side. James might as well not have been there, though, seeing as Lily was only two seats away and he had to impress her.

'Yes, horrible, isn't it? He's turning me into a concerned citizen.' I finally slipped off the band, which Sirius grabbed with one of his swift reflexes. In a true show of his maturity, the first thing he did with the band was catapulting it to an approaching Remus; it hit him on his chest.

'Who's a concerned citizen?' he asked, sitting down next to me. 'Not Sirius, surely?'

'Of course not,' Sirius said. 'I'm a young sex god; I've better things to do than worry myself wrinkly about things.'

'Why doesn't that surprise me,' said Peter dryly.

'Because you are so in awe of my awesomeness, you know better than to doubt it.'

'That's one explanation. I myself prefer to think that it might have something to do with your megalomania, but maybe that's just me,' Remus said, which prompted Sirius to steal my newspaper and smack my dearly beloved on the head with it.

'Oi! I've still got to read that,' I said, snatching it back.

I didn't get to see their faces as I read the front page, seeing as I was reading and all, but Remus's voice was so filled with incredulity that it wasn't difficult for me to picture his face. 'Emma… are you reading the Prophet?'

'I am,' I said proudly. I didn't look up from the paper, though. I was a very busy and important woman, who had to read the paper. And listen to the conversations around her when the articles weren't too interesting.

'This is your fault, you know,' Sirius said. 'If you hadn't been who you are, Emma would still be superficial. Now you're turning her into a woman of the world.'

'What have I done?' Remus replied. 'Before we know it, she'll be telling us what she thinks of the political climate…'

'Too cold,' I replied, before realizing that I wasn't supposed to listen. To keep my dignity, I said, 'And could you be quiet please? Some of us are trying to read.'

Just to show them that I _was_, in fact, reading, I turned the page. I caught a glimpse of Sirius's face, which told me that he was very much aware of what I was doing. Damn boys whose brain works in the same way as my own!

But as I scanned the page, my eye caught a phrase that after the holidays, a month ago, I had been waiting to see. Will had said they were mentioned in the _Prophet_ once in a while.

_Death Eater attack in Chippenham. One death, two missing, several injured._

_Yesterday evening at 22:14, in the Muggle town of Chippenham, there was an attack by two Wizards belonging to the so-called 'Death Eaters', alleged followers of You-Know-Who. They Apparated in the village just past ten and continued to wreak havoc upon the Muggle inhabitants; their acts included, but were not limited to, making apparently arbitrary Muggles hang upside down in the air, setting fire to several houses, and even the Cruciatus Curse (one of the three Unforgivable Curses) on people who opposed them. The Muggle casualty happened when the roof of one of the lit houses collapsed, burying the unfortunater Muggle alive. A Magical trauma team arrived at the scene around half ten, which caused the Death Eaters to Disapparate. The Muggles' memories have been erased; for the explosions and the fire, they gave the excuse of a 'gas explosion' (something that sometimes happens in the Muggle world; gas is something they use for cooking etc). _

'_It is a tragedy,' a spokesman of the Ministry said. 'We are trying to find out who the Death Eaters are and I assure you, they will be punished.'_

_Continue reading on page 7._

I didn't. I closed the newspaper and lay it down next to me, feeling a bit queasy. Of course I knew those Death Eaters couldn't have been Will; he was like a teddy bear. But if this were people from the same group he was a member of… I didn't like that thought. Not at all.

I wondered if he knew some of his fellow DE's were doing this. Something he'd told me sprang to mind.

'_But you should just know that you shouldn't believe everything you read about them in the Prophet.' _

Was this what he was referring to? Had there been more incidents like this in the Prophet and had I just missed them? The followers of You-Know-Who. It was probably just a pile of bull; why on _earth _would Will want to be a part of the followers of You-Know-Who?

Maybe it was a different group that called themselves Death Eaters as well. Maybe it was a popular name for… clubs. Groups. Cults. Whatever they were.

The bell rang and all around me people got up. I started to follow Remus, until I realized it was a Tuesday; I didn't have my first period with him.

'I'll see you in the library next period?' Remus asked.

Next period. Why was that a – oh, right! Tuesday, second period, tutoring sessions.

I nodded and kissed him on his cheek. 'I can't wait,' I said, meaning every syllable of it. Clutching the newspaper in my hand, I followed Alice and Sirius to Muggle studies, which went by surprisingly fast. Usually I had to wait for what seemed like hours before I could see Remus again, but this time I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts, the seventy minutes flew by.

'Have fun with Remus,' Sirius said, giving me a wink I didn't return.

You'd think that being in a relationship with the most professor-y person in Hogwarts would make your grades go up, but let me tell you something: that's not true. The Tuesday morning tutoring sessions we used efficiently when I was still trying to jump on him and he was still scared of me, are now little more than spending five minutes in the library, looking at books, only for either of us to say, 'This isn't working'. Then, we were off to a deserted corridor, so we could spend those remaining sixty-five minutes in a manner suited for seventeen-year-olds.

Remus broke into a smile when I entered; despite my worries, I couldn't help but smile back. 'Hey Remus,' I said, taking my place next to him. He, good boy that he was, had already got his Ancient Runes books and had opened them at the right page. He always tried harder to study during these hours. 'Before we start on these undoubtly endlessly fascinating texts, could I ask you something?'

'Of course,' he said, although he sounded rather uncertain.

I got the _Prophet _from my bag and handed it to him. To say he looked surprised would be an understatement.

'Could you read the article on page two?'

I hadn't told him about Will's new band of brothers, so when he'd finished reading, I had to give him a quick summary of what Will had told me. 'I just… I mean, they're not the _same_, are they? Do you think they are the same?'

He scratched his nose, still looking at the article. 'I don't know. I mean, it's not exactly the most logical name ever, and for two groups to have it at the same time…'

I had kind of been hoping for him to say, 'Of course they're not, as a matter of fact, "Death Eater" was very popular in the 19th century and is an anagram for the old-Slavic word of "Cookie-baker"', but no such thing, apparently.

I bit my lip and retrieved the newspaper, staring at the picture of one of the houses on fire. 'Maybe Will doesn't know this happens.'

'But didn't he tell you that they were mentioned in the papers once in a while?'

'Yes, but he also told me not to believe everything they said.' But then why would the _Prophet _make something like this up?

Remus seemed to think the same. 'You know, I could always ask my dad,' he said. 'He works there, you know.'

Aah. See, I knew Remus had an answer to everything!

I put my arms around him and hugged him so tightly I was afraid he might get hurt. I didn't think he minded too much, though, judging from the way he hugged me back.

'Remus, you're the best,' I said, before kissing him on his cheek.

'Ah, well, I try.' He allowed me one more kiss and then pulled away; he'd once told me that kissing in the library was almost like blasphemy to him. I thought he was just afraid madam Pince found out and kicked him out. 'So, Ancient Runes?'

'Do we have to?' I groaned, looking at the text lying in front of us.

'Seeing as this might be the only time I can convince you to actually do your homework… yes.' I groaned again, and he laughed. 'C'mon, if we work fast, we can still do something else afterwards.'

Only the mischievous glint in his eyes was enough to persuade me to get to work. Once I'd started, it was quite fun; there was a reason I'd chosen Ancient Runes as my N.E.W.T., after all. This, combined with the help of Remus, who was better at dead languages than any person had the right to be, ensured we were finished within fifteen minutes.

'So, do you want to work forward, do something of the next chapter?' Remus said, turning the page to chapter 14. He stiffened and turned the page back. 'Or shall we just be irresponsible and see if the fourth floor is empty?'

'I don't know. I think I'm in the flow now,' I said. 'Maybe we ought to work now, while I can.' I turned the page again and read out what the next chapter was about. 'Deirdre and the werewolf? They made a story about that?' I glanced at the texts, which titles as, 'A lovely day in the woods', 'Getting distracted', 'The werewolf discovers them' and 'The werewolf bites Deirdre and infects her'. Whoever compiled these books, they were awful at building up suspense. Why would anyone bother to translate it when it just tells you what's about to happen?

'Let's not,' said Remus. 'I'm done translating, I think.'

I clasped my hand in front of my mouth. 'This has to be a first. I'm willing to do school work when all you want to do is snogging? Remus, are you feeling well?' I exclaimed in mock concern.

He smiled, but somehow it didn't reach his eyes. As he closed the books, he said, 'Shall we go?'

Translating runes. Homework.

Snogging Remus. Maybe more.

It wasn't that much of a choice, really.

'Let's go!'


	16. Discovery

I was pressed against the wall; I hardly had enough time to utter a sound before he'd covered my mouth with his. I ran my hands through his hair, enjoying the soft texture, while his hands rested on my bum. I liked that, too. I liked his proximity, his warmth, the unexpected passion. One of his hands slowly crept up, under my robes, trailing along my ribs, but suddenly it was pulled away.

'Remus? Is anything wrong?' I asked, disappointed. I'd kind of liked how we'd been too busy kissing to do anything else.

The answer came, but not from Remus. Around my midriff, I heard a high voice say, 'Man, you are one lucky bastard.'

It was a scrawny first year from Hufflepuff, who was looking at Remus with nothing less than adulation in his eyes. 'How do you do it?'

'How do I do what?' Remus asked. He straightened his tie and I was left undecided over what I found sexier; a dishevelled Remus or a Remus who was adjusting his clothes as if he was the goody-two-shoes he appeared.

'Be a nerd and still get the girl,' the boy said.

'I don't know, you should ask her,' he said, nodding to me. 'She's the one who did all the hard work.'

The boy sceptically raised one eyebrow. 'Please. I'm not naïve. Girls never do the work.'

I laughed, remembering the first weeks of my attempts. Girls never did the work? I could've got _paid _for all the work I did to lure Remus in. 'Oh, believe me, they do,' I said. I grabbed Remus's hand. 'But only when the boy is worth it. Like Remus.'

The boy still didn't look convinced. 'But he's a book worm, I see him in the library all the time. Why did you make the effort?' Yes, he looked like the kind of boy who might spend hours in the library, obsessing about the girl he fancied.

'Because firstly, bookworms are very sexy,' I said. It wasn't even a lie, though if you'd told me before I'd started fancying Remus, I'd have laughed at you. But really, the concentrated look on his face when he read a book, the way he could completely lose himself in another world… Rawr. 'But it takes time for girls to realise that.'

The boy's face fell ever so slightly, so I continued, 'But, you know, it helps if a girl already knows you a bit. I mean, before I started chasing Remus, I'd already spoken to him, you know, he'd help me out with my homework, stuff like that. So the girl slowly starts to realize the bookworm is awesome.'

'You make me sound like a secret agent,' said Remus.

'Are you?' the boy asked.

'No, I'm a ninja.'

The boy mouthed the word 'wow'. 'You're the master, bro,' he said, pushing his glasses a bit higher up his nose. 'A ninja _and _the girl? That's the coolest!'

'You don't have to be a ninja for a girl to fancy you, though,' I said. 'Just be a nice, concerned boy who washes every day, and a girl will come along. And now, Remus and I are going to practice our… ninja skills, so we might see you later.'

'All right. Good luck, ninja-man,' he said to Remus, before running off.

'And that was our good deed for today,' I said, standing on my tiptoes to kiss Remus again. It was a shame it had cost us our make-out session, but the look on that boy's face when he heard Remus was a ninja had made it all worthwhile. 'What shall we do now?'

'I suggest we practice our ninja skills at a quieter place,' he said. 'Before there's an entire class of boys who want to become girl-having ninjas.'

'A true ninja wouldn't get caught, no matter where he was snogging his girl,' I said.

'I wouldn't, but you would, and how would you explain _that _to all those innocent first years?' He raised one eyebrow. Seeing as there was nothing I could say against that, we left the hall. I wondered where we were heading; had we finally, after two and a half months, reached the phase where we make out on his bed? _Finally_? I mean, all this going slow was romantic and all, but a girl – that is, me – had her needs. And just now, it seemed Remus had those needs too.

As we walked along the fifth floor, we heard someone call, 'Watch out, Black, or I'll - '

'Or you'll what, Snivellus? Scream at me?' Sirius asked. 'Now, I know there are more beautiful sounds in the world, but it'll take more than that to put me off.'

Remus threw his eyes to heaven and muttered, 'Oh, for fuck's sake.' His hand moved towards his wand while he went around the corner. When I got there, I saw a spectacle that I hadn't seen for months; I'd almost forgotten Sirius and James used to bully Snape.

'Padfoot,' Remus said, as if he'd said it a thousand times before. 'Don't get into fights.'

'It's not a fight,' Sirius said, holding his wand directed at Snape, who was hanging upside-down in the air, with his wand three metres behind him. 'That would suggest Snivelly fighting back.'

'If he isn't, that's all the more reason for you to leave him alone,' said Remus. 'It's hardly fair this way, is it?'

'He started it!'

'Sirius.' Oh, shit got serious when Remus started calling him by his actual name.

For a moment, I was distracted by why that sentence seemed so strange to me. Shit got serious? Why was that –

Damn Sirius Black and his serious-jokes! Shit just got Sirius. Now I'm even making those jokes subconsciously. I didn't even _know _I was making a joke in my mind.

While I was distracted by a strange synapse, Sirius had sent of another curse at Snape, whose head was turning red from hanging upside down for so long.

'Sirius,' Remus said again, in a more stern voice. 'Stop it, now.'

'But… oh, all right.' With a swift flick of his wand, Sirius let Snape down; he fell to the ground in a bundle of robes and greasy black hair. He got up swiftly, his wand poised.

'See, he's fighting back, can I curse him now?' Sirius asked, the way a petulant child might ask his mother if he could _finally _play on the swings.

Snape sent a curse flying at Sirius, which he deflected. He was about to curse Snape, when Remus grabbed his arm and pulled it down. 'Sirius, stop it, or I'll give both of you detention.'

'Stay out of this, Lupin,' Snape spat, moving closer to the two Marauders. He grabbed his wand so tightly I wondered if it might break. 'I can handle this. Besides, haven't you got other problems to worry about now?'

'What do you mean, Snivelly?' Sirius asked.

'If I'm correct, it should be his time of the month soon,' said Snape. The corners of his mouth turned up in an unpleasant smirk; I wondered how Lily had ever been able to befriend someone so obviously nasty.

But wait.

Remus and his time of the month? As in, his period?

God, someone had to tell Snape that boys didn't have that. But he was a smart boy; surely he knew boys didn't menstruate?

'His time of the month?' I asked. I grumbled for my wand, just in case Snape thought it a good idea to make me join in their petty fight. 'What are you talking about?'

Snape looked at Remus; his expression was both shocked and elated. 'My my, Lupin, you haven't _told _her?'

'Hasn't told me what? That he's secretly a girl?'

'Severus, don't,' Remus said. I looked at him and was surprised to see he was looking at Snape with pleading eyes.

'But Lupin, surely she had a right to know,' said Snape. 'Surely you can't keep it from her much longer.'

This was getting annoying. Not in the least because Remus was taking Snape so seriously; what could Snape know about Remus that I didn't? 'Keep _what _from me?' I snapped.

'If you value your balls, I'd keep my mouth shut, if I were you,' Sirius said, but before he was able to do anything more than utter a threat, Snape had said, 'Why, that he's a werewolf, of course.'

I burst out laughing. The entire idea was just too ridiculous; Remus, a werewolf? My scrawny little Remus, who had spent the majority of his life with his nose hidden in books? Remus, who was about as soft as any boy could get?

None of the others joined in my laughter. It was obvious why Snape wasn't; Sirius was firing curse after jinx at him, and Snape was busy enough dodging them and retaliating. But Remus… He didn't look amused in the slightest. If anything, his expression bordered on fear.

What, bordered on fear?

He looked terrified. All the blood had drained from his face and his eyes looked like those of a Hippogriff chased by a fire.

Why wasn't he laughing?

Oh, Merlin. No.

No no no no no no no.

'Remus?' I asked, all laughter gone from my voice. 'Is it… It's not true, is it?'

He opened his mouth, hesitated, then, in the smallest of voices, 'It is.'

It felt very surreal. Remus was a werewolf? Remus – a _werewolf_? _Remus _a werewolf. No matter where I put the infliction, it didn't make any sense. Remus was about as non-werewolfy as you cold get. He had to be joking.

Except that he wasn't. And suddenly, a whole lot of things started to make sense: the scars, why he was ill so often, but also smaller things, like how he almost hadn't said anything when we were doing werewolves in Defence against the Dark Arts.

Oh good Merlin. No.

'Emma, you must know, it's not what it seems like,' Remus said, taking a step towards me. He grabbed my hand, but I pulled it away like it burned me.

'Don't touch me,' I hissed. A werewolf. A _werewolf_.

The hurt in his face was obvious, but he took a step backwards. 'Emma, it's not… I mean, it's true, but I'm not… It's…'

'You're a werewolf or you're not,' I said. It was very simple, really.

'I am, but…'

'But what? You didn't think it was something I should know? You're a _werewolf_ and you didn't think I'd mind? Does Dumbledore even _know _that you - ' There were no words for how I felt. There'd been a werewolf at Hogwarts all those years that I'd been there. Fuck, I'd even slept in his bed. With a werewolf.

'Emma - '

'Leave me alone,' I spat. Before he could say anything else, I'd turned around and ran away. Oh, Merlin, what on earth was I supposed to do know? Remus was a werewolf. Remus. My Remus. Well, not my Remus any more, obviously. How had this happened?

As I ran down the stairs, skipping over a step of the stairs, I felt a hand close around my upper arm. I turned around, expecting it to be Remus, but it was Sirius.

'Don't tell anyone,' he said.

I blinked. 'Sorry?'

'Don't. Tell. Anyone.' His grip on my arm tightened. 'Promise me you won't.'

'But - '

'Promise me you won't tell anyone.'

This confused me even more. Somehow, I felt like Sirius _knew _about Remus being a werewolf, but then why was he still sharing a dormitory with him? 'Fine! Fine, I won't tell. Now let me go.'

He did so. 'You know that if you walk away now you're making a huge mistake?'

'You know that I don't agree with you on that? If Remus is a -' I looked around, but there was no one around who could hear it, ' – a _werewolf_, then I think staying away from him is the smartest thing I can do.' I didn't like the look he gave me – patronizing and almost pitying. Why would he pity me? 'Leave me alone.'

I didn't wait for him to reply, but quickly descended the stairs.

What on _earth _was I going to do now?


	17. Confusion

I hardly got a wink of sleep that night. I lay in bed, wondering how everything had gone so awry. One moment, things had been wonderful; the next, I found out my boyfriend was a werewolf. A _werewolf_. One who changes into a giant, furry, murderous, blood-thirsty, cruel _wolf _every month. And those were all adjectives I'd never thought I'd use for Remus.

Remus a _werewolf_. It just didn't make any sense. It just… didn't.

This was usually the part in my reasoning where I thought, 'Wait, Remus, a werewolf? No. That's ridiculous, he's such a sweetheart.' Only for my brain to remind me of what Snape had said and how Remus had _confirmed it. _Then I kept having a moment in which I thought, 'maybe he was just lying, because… because… I don't know. But he can't be a _werewolf_.' And the entire process started again.

I couldn't wait for the night to be over, yet I dreaded the morning. I couldn't just get up and face him, could I? Now that I knew?

Long before even the earliest birds considered getting up, I took a shower and headed for the kitchens. Since I had no idea what I was going to do when I saw Remus, it seemed the most prudent to postpone that moment as long as possible. Ergo, I would not be at breakfast, where there was a pretty big chance of seeing him.

Despite missing dinner the night before, I wasn't hungry. Not even when the house elves offered me a triple chocolate muffin could my stomach be bothered to become interested. Briefly, I wondered whether Remus had an appetite; was he stuffing himself with chocolate, or did he feel as strange and empty as I did?

What _was _Remus doing?

Sleeping, probably.

Unless he was awake and – wait, it wasn't a full moon tonight, was it? Snape had said something about it being soon. But did he mean _that night_ or just… maybe _this _night? Shit. I had to know. But to know meant to go to the library, where Remus might be.

The second this thought crossed my mind, I glanced at the clock. A quarter past five. Maybe he wasn't in the library yet.

I looked down at the hand in which I held the muffin and found I'd picked it into small chunks, which were now lying on the ground. Poor elves, but not my problem. I was in serious distress; I could've been much worse.

Four hours later, I knew the full moon was tonight, which was bad enough but not as bad as when Remus had become a wolf this night. I didn't know what difference it made – after all, he'd done it tens, maybe hundreds of times before.

It was time for my first period, Transfiguration. One of the classes I had with three of the four Marauders, and the missing one was Peter. Not Remus.

_I'm not sure if I shouldn't just say I'm ill_, I thought, while taking a seat. My eyes darted around the classroom, waiting for the inevitable moment they came across Remus, but even when James and Sirius had taken their seats and McGonagall had started her checking of the homework, Remus didn't show up.

My nerves were wrecked by the end of the class; they'd been on constant alert, waiting for the moment the door swung open and Remus came in. But he didn't.

_Is he avoiding me?_ I thought, not sure how I felt about that. If he _was _avoiding me, that would make it easier, I supposed. But I didn't want him to avoid me, I wanted him to explain. Except when I wanted him to stay away from me. I didn't know what I wanted.

'James,' I said, when the bell rung.

James looked up. I froze when I saw his expression; cold and angry, his mouth a taut line and his usually kind eyes hard. I vaguely noticed he looked about as tired as I felt. Maybe he'd found out yesterday, too?

'Yes?' he asked, his voice bordering on rude.

I choked. 'I er… Do you know where Remus is?'

'Hospital Wing,' he replied. 'He doesn't feel well.'

Well, that was taking it a bit too far, I thought, before Professor Anderson's voice – our Defence teacher back in fourth year – rang through my ears. '_Even in the days before the full moon, werewolves will often feel ill, weak. That is their body working up to the change._'

The change. Of Remus's body. Into that of a killer.

Merlin, I so couldn't handle this.

'Oh,' I said.

'I'm sure he'd feel loads better if you visited him,' James continued; his tone was softer now.

He made it sound so reasonable. Making Remus feel better by visiting him. But it was just… 'No.'

'I repeat what I said yesterday,' Sirius said, while he swung his back over his shoulder. 'You are making one big mistake by letting Remus down like this. If you have anything even resembling a heart – or a brain, for that matter – you go down to the Hospital Wing right now and apologise. C'mon, Prongs,' he added, before leaving, followed by James.

I couldn't believe Sirius's nerve. _Apologise_, me? I wasn't the one who turned into a monster, thank you very much. Speaking of which, how on earth did Remus do it, change without killing the entire school? Did he find an empty classroom? He wouldn't do anything that misguided, would he? People might get hurt.

But as a werewolf, he might not care so much about that.

I was back in my now-familiar circle; disbelieving Remus could be so cruel to reminding me that he was a werewolf. But it just didn't make any _sense_.

When any of my friends asked me what was wrong with me, I told them I was suffering from intense PMS; it was enough to keep them at bay, at least until I could come up with an explanation why Remus and I had broken up.

Shit, we'd broken up. Probably the only reason why I didn't flinch every time I was reminded of that, was that I just couldn't wrap my mind around it. Remus and I, break up? Why would we?

I went to bed around half seven. Even though I was exhausted, my brain wouldn't give me a break. Part of it longed for me to just ignore that he was a werewolf, to go down there and comfort him – but of course I couldn't. Not when he was about to change into a monster anytime this night.

As around me my dorm mates went to bed, I lay in mine, frozen. Remus might be changing _at this very moment_.

I tried to imagine it; Remus, in a classroom somewhere, or maybe in the dungeons, his bones deforming into those of an animal, his pale skin being covered in fur, his lovely face becoming that of a wolf. Back when we'd studied it, Anderson had said the transformation was incredibly painful. Only now it was happening to someone I lo – knew, did I wonder _how _painful. Surely he had painkillers, some potion that made it better? Right? They couldn't just leave him to transform when it was so gruesome, there had to be at least something to relieve some of the pain?

I fell asleep around three. My dreams were filled with Remus; Remus explaining Arithmancy to me, Remus kissing me underneath the mistletoe, Remus embracing me and changing into a grotesque, monstrous version of him.

I jerked awake just before he assaulted me. I was drenched in sweat and not at all rested.

I looked at the clock; a quarter to seven. Had Remus turned back into his normal self yet? Did transformations last longer in the winter, when the night was longer as well? I hoped not.

Shit. I had to see him. Just to be sure he was himself again.

I got up quickly, throwing on yesterday's clothes. I put my hair in a ponytail, as that was quicker than brushing it, and went down to the Hospital Wing. Since I'd started dating Remus, I'd spend more time there than in the rest of my Hogwarts years combined.

As usual, he was the only one here. On his nightstand was a tray filled with bottles. There was also a towel that looked very red; I suppressed a shudder as I remembered how white they usually were. But maybe that was just from a red potion.

What was I saying? I wasn't even kidding myself.

Remus lay very still. Had it not been for the slow rise and fall of his chest, he could've been dead. The bandage on his forehead stood out against the pallor of his skin; the red spot in the middle of it didn't make it look any better.

I wondered what the rest of him looked like right now. I'd seen some of the scars; did he have new wounds, which would scar as well? Surely all the blood on that towel couldn't come from the gash on his head, could it?

For the first time, I wondered how he'd got those cuts. Were they something that just occurred when you changed or had someone done it to him? It had to be the first; I couldn't think of anyone stupid enough to spend the night with a werewolf.

I brushed my hand along his cheek. He felt so cold…

'You're up early, Miss Hart,' I heard a female voice say behind me. I jumped and swivelled around, only to be faced with Madam Pomfrey, who was holding a little pot filled with a white ointment. 'I hadn't expected you. Move aside, please.'

I did so and watched as she pulled down the duvet, revealing Remus's chest. I strongly wished she hadn't; it explained only too well where the blood on the towel came from.

As she smeared the edges of one of the wounds with the salve, she said, 'The poor sheep. I don't think he's had such a bad night since his fifth year… '

'Bad night?' I asked, hoping my voice wasn't too high.

She nodded. 'I think it's when he's under a lot of stress; it's only normal for his change to react to that. It's so nice for him to have found a girl to whom it doesn't matter; he's such a lovely lad, isn't he?' She closed the pot and looked down at Remus, a fond smile on her face; only the pity in her eyes seemed out of place.

What was I supposed to say now? 'I'm sorry, I think there's been a misunderstanding, it matters a lot to me and I dumped him the moment I found out' didn't sound like it would endear me to her.

'Yes, well, er… I've to go,' I said.

'I'll tell him you stopped by,' she said.

I tried to smile at her, but it became more of a grimace. 'Right. Well, bye then.' I didn't look at Remus before leaving. I was more than confused enough the way I was.


	18. Paradox

By the fifth day of Remuslessness, I was a wreck. I often cried myself to sleep; in my dreams, Remus and I would be together again until he turned into a wolf, which was when I woke up. I didn't have any appetite, only eating when Lily threatened to hex the food into me if she had to.

Things got worse when he got out of the hospital wing. When he was there, I could pretend I was just busy, that nothing was going on, but seeing him in class every day was killing. I so badly wanted to sit next to him, feel his arms around me, have him translate McGonagall's talk into a comprehensible explanation.

I didn't know why I was so upset. I was the one who'd broken up with him, wasn't I? Besides, he was a werewolf. I should be fine without him.

Except that I wasn't.

Telling my friends had been strange. Of course I couldn't tell them the true reason of our break-up, so I had to make something up; and to be fair, my 'I just don't fancy him anymore' wouldn't have convinced me either, had I been Alice, Lexi or Lily. One day we're inseparable, the next I suddenly don't care anymore?

But they didn't push it, instead offering to cheer me up. Not a day went past that I didn't spend at least half an hour being held by Alice, while Lexi, on my demand, read from glossy magazines. It didn't help, though; even the promise of new handbags couldn't lift my spirits. Nor could the endless amount of chocolate and ice they kept bringing me; I just left it there to melt.

All in all, my days were miserable and filled with self-pity and regret.

I was sitting in the common room, listening to a conversation between Lily and Alice about James Potter's arse, when they suddenly changed the subject to the pros and cons of cheese brownies.

This struck me as weird, until I heard Sirius's voice behind me, 'Emma, could I have a word?'

For some reason, I didn't think he wanted to ask me about my new shoes. We hadn't spoken since the time he told me I had to apologise to Remus; I wasn't sure if we were in a fight, but either way it was strange. Sirius and I had always been close. Was I going to lose him too?

'All right. I'll see you guys later,' I said to Lily and Alice, before getting up and following Sirius to the boys' dormitory. While climbing the stairs, I noticed his hands were clenched in fists.

In the dormitory, he didn't beat around the bush. Folding his arms in front of his chest, he said, 'Emma, you need to stop behaving like a bitch and make up with Remus. This is killing him and you're being unreasonable.'

'There's nothing to make up,' I said.

'Yes, there is. You're being ridiculous about this. So Remus is a werewolf - ' He raised an eyebrow when I flinched at the word, but continued, ' – why would that be your problem?'

'Everybody knows werewolves are savages,' I said, proud that my voice sounded so matter-of-fact. 'That would seem like quite a problem.'

'So you're saying Remus is a savage?'

I shrugged. I noticed I was playing with my robes and let them go immediately. 'I suppose, yeah.'

'You realise that is bullshit?'

Yes, I did. But I wasn't going to let him know that. 'It's not.'

'It is! You were _fine _with Remus before you found out. More than fine, even, you were _crazy _about him and just because you now know he's a werewolf, you think he's suddenly a monster. But if you _hadn't _known, "savage" would've been the last word in your vocabulary you'd use to describe him. Remus didn't become a monster just because you now know.'

I tried to find fault in his logic, but failed. 'Even so, he could've told me. Now I had to find out like this, through _Snape_, of all people.'

Sirius relaxed his arms and let them fall by his side. 'No, that wasn't the smartest thing he's ever done, but can you blame him, seeing how you reacted?'

'Yes!' No. Yes. No. I didn't know.

Damn you, Sirius, for deconstructing my carefully built wall of explanations why Remus was an arse!

'Well, I can't. I mean, it took him two years before _we _even knew, and we are his best friends. And we had to figure it out ourselves,' he said. 'D'you have any idea how guilty he felt about not telling you?'

'As he should.'

He sighed and sat down on a bed – Peter's, I thought, though I couldn't be sure. 'Okay, let's start from the beginning. You don't want to date a werewolf, because they're savages. Remus isn't, so that isn't a valid argument. Then you're angry with him for not telling you, which is very logical, but Emma, just try and put yourself in his shoes. Would _you _have told yourself, if you'd known this was the possible reaction?'

I tried to imagine being a werewolf and telling Remus, assuming I would still be myself when I became one. I had no idea where on earth I'd start that conversation, or how to explain the not-savagesness. But maybe Remus _was _a beast and –

No, brain, now you're being ridiculous. Even I can see that.

'No, I probably wouldn't,' I said. 'But it's completely different!'

'It is not! You're just making it different.'

'He turns into a _wolf _once every month,' I said, deciding to choose a different course of action. 'How can that not be a problem in a relationship?'

'You can be not around him during that night,' he simply said. 'That doesn't seem like the most difficult solution to me. And the rest of the month he's just Remus, except that he feels like shit in the days before and after the full moon. Relationship problem solved.'

'You don't know anything about relationships.' My arguments were becoming weaker and weaker, I noticed.

'No, I don't,' he admitted. 'But I know a lot about Remus and I can assure you that he'll do anything in his power to ensure you never have to see him when he's wolfing. And if that's taken care of, why _shouldn't _you be with him?'

'Because… because…' How was I supposed to explain this to him? Everybody knew you stayed away from werewolves. It was as obvious as not eating shit or smiling when you felt happy. Werewolves: bad.

But _Remus_, a different part of me groaned. You _know _he's not bad. You _know _he's the most wonderful person in the universe. And Sirius has a point; if I just stay away from him while he's changing…

I looked up at Sirius, who was smiling smugly.

'It seems the combination of my logic and rhetorical skills have proved to be too much for you,' he said. 'So I suggest you go to Remus right now, tell him you can't live without him and that his furry problem doesn't bother you, and that you'd like a make-up shag.'

It took me a couple of seconds to register the second half of that sentence; I was too shocked by figuring out – at last! – what his 'furry little problem' was. I'd always thought he had a hyperactive bunny (or dog, since this Christmas), but… Of course. I felt rather stupid, not figuring it out before Sirius mentioned it.

Which just proved that Remus's absence diminished my intelligence. It was the best for everyone, really, if I just apologised… wouldn't it?

Regardless of what would be best, I just desperately wanted to be with Remus again.

'Fuck this. D'you know where he is?'

I didn't think I'd ever see Sirius so happy with himself. He ran to his bed, grabbed something from his trunk and stared at it for a couple of seconds, before stuffing it underneath his duvet once more. 'Kitchens.'

'Great.'

Just as I made it to the doorway, I heard Sirius say, 'Emma?'

'What?'

'I'm glad you've got your brains back. I'm not sure if Remus'll just forgive you, though, so if I were you, I'd offer him a couple of blowjobs. Just so you're sure everything's okay between the two of you again.'

I rolled my eyes, but kept it in mind all the same. You never knew when it might be necessary.

As I went down to the kitchens, I felt like a woman on a mission. I'd been stupid, I'd hurt Remus, but I was going to be a better person. I was going to apologise. I was going to use puppy-dog eyes for that make-up shag.

Shit, I was nervous.

Because what if Remus just told me to stuff it? That he could do better than a girl who cheated him like shit when she found out? He would be right, of course, but then what was I supposed to do? I knew I was often accused of being melodramatic, but I really knew I'd just _die _if Remus wanted us to stay broken-up.

No, really. DIE.

But I had to stay positive. Stay positive. 'Stay positive.' Ignore strange looks from other students when they see me talking to myself. And most of all: 'STAY POSITIVE!'

In the kitchens, the House elves were busy preparing dinner; I stood still for a while, taking in the activity of hundreds of elves running to and fro carrying dishes and ingredients and passing down the instructions. Within all the commotion, I almost didn't see Remus, who was sitting with his back to me on a chair at one of the four large tables. On his left was a pile of chocolate bars; on his right was a bundle of empty wrappings. James and Peter were sitting across the table, talking animatedly.

It was Peter who noticed me first. He nudged James, who glanced up and smiled broadly. Had this been some sort of combined Marauder mission?

Knowing them, it probably was. The Three Musketeers could still learn from their friendship.

'Oh, Peter, I think we have to go,' James said, after checking his watch. 'Important stuff to do.'

Peter nodded. 'Yeah, sorry Remus. Good luck with the chocolate.'

'And Emma.'

'What?' Remus asked, the chocolate that had been on its way to his mouth, stopping. He turned around and – I swear to Merlin – he paled. That wasn't exactly the reaction I'd been hoping for, but it had to mean something good… Right?

'Hi,' I said. My throat was as raw as sand paper.

I vaguely noticed James and Peter leaving, their arms laden with sweets. I indicated the chair next to Remus's. 'Mind if I sit there?'

He shook his head. 'Go ahead.'

So I sat down. I stared at my hands instead of Remus, wondering where I was going to start. In the end, it just seemed the best to get the most important out first. 'Remus, I am sorry. I am so sorry. As in, I can't tell you how sorry I am.' I peeked at him and to my immense relief he looked flabbergasted, but in a good way. I took this as my cue to continue, 'I was stupid, and inconsiderate of your feelings, and… and… racist, and even stupider, and now I'm sorry. I'm so, _so _sorry. _So _sorry.' I took a deep breath. 'Could you please forgive me?'

I glanced up again. Remus looked like all his Christmases had come at once.

_Thank you, Merlin_, I thought, relief flooding through me. _Thank you, thank you_.

'Are you serious?' he asked.

Even when I was grovelling at his feet (figuratively speaking, anyway) I was a bit insulted. 'Of course I'm serious!'

Ah, that grin. That broad smile that could make my day, and was doing exactly that at this very moment. 'Of course I forgive you,' he said. 'Of course I - '

I didn't let him finish. His absence over the past couple of days combined with my relief made me jump him and smother him with kisses. His chair fell over and it couldn't have been comfortable for him to have me land on him like that, but if it bothered him, he didn't let it show. Or maybe he tried to but I wouldn't let him because I was kissing him so vehemently.

'I'm so sorry,' I said again, when the first wave of need had been satisfied. 'I'm so sorry. Really, I am.'

He laughed and kissed me again. 'You might've mentioned that,' he said, stroking my hair.

'Yes, I know, but… I'm _really _sorry.'

'I know.'

'Do you?' I wasn't sure he could. 'I'm so sorry. If there's anything I can do to make it up to you… I could wear one of those hairy vests Muggles wear for penitence!' Yes! The perfect way of atoning! 'And, you know, I am sorry.'

'A white sheet?' he asked. He shook his head and kissed me again. 'Emma, if you're going to repent, I can think if better ways of doing so.' He kissed me again and I was reminded of Sirius's hint of offering him a blowjob. It didn't seem necessary, but…

He interrupted my train of thought by asking, 'But does this mean you don't… mind?'

'I don't mind… what? Oh!' Merlin, I was slow today. 'No. No, I don't mind. Sirius made me see reason.'

This was enough to make both of us freeze.

'Sirius made you see reason,' muttered Remus, quite taken aback. 'It's a good thing we're back together, if our separation leads to that. Sirius and reason. Good God.'

* * *

><p><strong>an : **Shit really got Sirius when he's the one making people see reason again, isn't it? That's also the 'paradox' in the chapter title. But yay them, they're back together and for those of you who were angry with Emma: She's at least as angry with herself.

Also, I found out there was an actual Emma Hart, also known as Lady Hamilton; her wikipedia page says: "Through the popularity of Romney's work and particularly of his striking-looking young model, Emma became well known in society circles, under the name of "Emma Hart". She learned quickly and was elegant, witty and intelligent. And, as paintings of her attest, Emma was also extremely beautiful." It must be a sign!

Except that this Emma won't become a mistress. I , I hope you enjoyed it!


	19. Werewolf

Once more I was reunited with my two favourite things on this green earth: Remus Lupin and chocolate. They really were a wonderful combination, especially when I was lying on a bed in the arms of one of them and was eating the other. Even more so after a couple of days of abstinence and when combined with a hefty dose of kisses. Yes, life was good.

'Remus?' I said, after breaking off a chunk of white chocolate. 'When you were in the Hospital Wing, Madam Pomfrey said you'd had a bad month. What did she mean by that?'

'That it hadn't been a good one.'

'That, my dear, is a very unsatisfying answer,' I said. 'What's the difference between the two?'

I got the impression Remus didn't want to talk about it; reluctantly, he said, 'When I, er, phase, or furrify, as Sirius likes to call it, there's… Well, the transformation _an sich_ hurts, of course, but there's also the being-a-wolf part.'

I nodded; of course. But did this mean that in a bad month the transforming was just very painful, or…?

'And when I'm a wolf, there's a strong need to destroy things. Hurt people. That kind of thing.' His tone was light, but around me, his arms tightened. 'But seeing as there are no people around, I hurt myself. A bad month is when I end up a bit bloodier than usual.'

I thought back of that morning – the morning after, I called it to myself – when his chest had looked like one bloody mess. Horrible as that image was, it was comforting to know that wasn't the normal course of events.

'Aha… And…. Is there a particular reason why you'd had a bad month, or is it just something that comes and goes?'

He bit off another chunk of chocolate and chewed it thoughtfully. 'Sometimes when I'm feeling… When I wasn't feeling that good in the first place, I'm moodier as a wolf.'

'But why weren't you – oh.' Stupid Emma. Why wasn't he feeling wonderful that day? Because he'd just been dumped. In other words, because of you. 'I'm sorry,' I said again, wishing a part of the guilt would fade away if I just reminded Remus of my sorrow often enough.

'Don't be,' he said. 'Poppy fixed me up in a couple of days.'

'Poppy?'

'Madam Pomfrey.'

'On first-name basis, eh? Should I be feeling jealous?'

'Nah, she adores you,' he said. He broke off a bit of chocolate with nuts and held it out to me. 'She told me only three days ago how great she thinks you are, because you didn't mind. Said you were a right sweetheart.'

'Even though I was a bitch at the time. I'm sorry for that.'

'I know that. Do I need to tell you I forgive you again, or will that not make a difference?'

'It won't, but you can always try.'

He kissed me; his lips tasted of chocolate. 'In that case, I forgive you. Now, seeing as you're interrogating me anyway, is there anything else you'd like to know about my furry little problem?'

'Actually, yes.' Now I got to think about it, I realized I had loads. But I should start at the beginning. 'Where do you, you know, err…'

'Transform,' he said. 'In the Shrieking Shack.' Upon my look of surprise, he continued, 'Emma, I presume you are smart enough not to abuse this information.'

'I'm not, but you can tell me anyway.'

'All right. There's a path, leading from the Whomping Willow to the Shack. It was built before I came here, so I wouldn't be, you know, a danger to the other students.'

'But isn't it haunted?'

He laughed and ruffled my hair. 'God, no. That's just me the villagers hear.'

Oh. I wasn't sure if I liked that much better, but I had other questions to ask. 'You said "before you came here"; when were you bitten? Really before you even went to Hogwarts?'

'Yes.'

I waited for him to elaborate. When he didn't, I asked, 'So what happened?'

A muscle in his jaw twitched; he didn't look at me as he said, 'When I was about seven, my father did something to enrage a werewolf, and he thought… I don't know exactly what he thought, but it ended up with him biting me when I was nearly eight.'

A shiver went down my spine. Nearly eight? As in, he was _seven_? A seven-year-old who…

Oh, boy.

Even though there was nothing I could do for the poor child Remus had been and he showed no signs of hurt now, my maternal instincts took over. I had to do _something _to comfort him, even if it was just holding him tightly. 'Oh, Remus,' I sighed, feeling my heart break. Seven. _Seven_.

'It's okay. I got over it. Sort of,' he said, rubbing my back.

'But it must've been _awful _for you,' I said. 'I mean… you don't really understand what's going on when you're seven and suddenly you're changing into a wolf, right?'

He shook his head. 'No. That… That was quite awful, yeah. My parents tried to prepare me, but…' He rubbed his hands over his face; he looked very tired and old. 'That first time was definitely the worst, yes.'

To my consternation, tears started welling up in my eyes and I tightened my hold on him; this time, it wasn't just for his comfort, but for mine as well.

'But it's something you get used to, more or less, anyway,' he said. 'It hasn't been too bad since I got he – Emma? Are you crying?'

'Sorry,' I said, quickly wiping away an escaping tear. 'I'm just… A bit emotional after the last days and it's just so _sad_…' I gave him a wobbly smile. 'Sorry, but you went through all this and then I was treating you like shit when you're so sweet and - '

'Please don't say "I'm sorry" again.'

'But I am.'

'For what? Your reaction wasn't that strange,' he said. He attempted a smile, but it looked false. 'It was normal, actually. And anyway, I've had worse.'

'Worse?' I echoed.

'When Peter found out, he was afraid to be in the same room with me for about two months,' he said. 'And loads of professors protested against me going to Hogwarts. D'you remember Jones?'

I nodded; Jones had been one of our many Defence against the Dark Arts teachers.

'He was scared shitless of me. Wouldn't answer my questions, always made me sit in the back, that kind of thing.'

I had never noticed, but judging from Remus's bitter smile, it was something he hadn't forgotten yet. 'Other than the teachers and the Marauders, not many people know. Lily does - '

'Lily?'

For the first time, his smile softened. 'Yeah. She found out in our fourth year.'

'And she didn't freak out?'

'No. I think it might have something to do with her Muggle upbringing; she wasn't taught the same prejudices we were, I suppose. Then again, Sirius, James and Peter were, and apart from Peter, they handled it very well, too.'

Great. So now I was in the same category as Peter and Jones; the people who let him down. 'When did they find out?'

'Second year. I was terrified they'd react… well, like you did.'

'Sorry about that.'

'I know you are. But they were great, especially James. They said they'd do anything they could to help me.'

'Like what?' I asked. It seemed to me there was rather little one could do to help werewolves; you could hardly be with them when they were transforming, unless you wanted to become one yourself, too. Maybe they brought him loads of chocolate when he was in the Hospital Wing?

'Just, you know, supporting me. Making sure Snape kept his mouth shut.'

In the uncomfortable silence that followed, I knew we were both remembering the moment that Snape had _not _kept his mouth shut. Bastard.

'So yeah. James's also offered to help me out – financially, I mean – after Hogwarts, if I can't get a job.'

I raised an eyebrow. 'Why on earth wouldn't you be able to get a job? Your grades are wonderful.'

'You're joking, right?' he asked.

'No…'

'Emma, if you were an employer and you had the choice between two employees, one of them a werewolf and the other one a normal person, who would you choose?' he said, while his fingers played with my hair.

'You, of course,' I said. 'You don't have to tell them, have you? You can just be the best employee, except you've a bad health.'

His hand stopped playing and lay on my back now. 'If only that were the case. I have to tell them, it's the law. Besides, it'd only be a matter of time before they found out and then I'd be fired anyway.'

'Not if you work very hard,' I said.

'You mean the way a girl wouldn't break up with me when she found out, if I'd been a good boyfriend before she discovered it?' he said.

I flinched, but there was little I could say against it. 'That's… I'm young and stupid. Employers - '

'Are old and stupid. Or not so stupid, maybe; if anything, I'd have a lot of sick days, which isn't good for the labour productivity.'

'But that's so unfair!' I protested. 'It's not like you can help it.'

'You're preaching to the converted here, honey,' he said. He kissed the top of my head. 'But I'm glad you think this way. It means a lot to me.'

I reached up to kiss him. We spent a couple of very pleasant minutes this way, until something soft hit the back of my head.

I looked up, just in time to see Sirius throw another pillow, but not fast enough to avoid it. 'We were busy,' I said awkwardly.

'Yes, I saw that, so I thought I'd disturb you,' said Sirius, who grabbed another pillow – it had to be James's, judging from the pillow case adorned with snitches, brooms and quaffles. 'So, Moony, how'd you like the blowjob?'

'… The blowjob?' Remus asked, looking from Sirius to me and back again.

'Yeah, I suggested Emma give you a blowjob, to speed up the process of forgiveness. Don't tell me you didn't ask for it,' he said, a stern expression crossing his face.

'Why on earth would I ask for a blowjob?' Remus sounded confused. The poor boy; sometimes, it was only too obvious I was his first girlfriend.

'Because they're the _best _feeling in the world,' Sirius said, as if it were obvious. Which to him it probably was. 'Remus John Lupin, did you ask her for a blowjob or not?'

'No.'

Sirius buried his face in his hands. 'Why not? I'd paved the way for you, man, all you had to do was ask. All you had to do was _ask_… But maybe all is not lost yet! Ask her now!' His face shone with the brilliance of his idea, but Remus just raised his eyes to heaven, as if asking God why he had created Sirius Black..

'No, Sirius, I won't.'

The light quickly faded from Sirius's handsome features. 'But why ever not?'

'Because… Just because.'

Sirius shook his head in disappointment. 'This is not how I raised you, Remus. I'd expected better from you.' With those words, he left for the bathroom.

Remus cleared his throat. 'So, where were we?'

'I think we were going to continue snogging wildly, maybe with the removal of some clothes.'

'Sound like a great plan.'

Yes, it did.

And it was.


	20. Warning

'There he is!' I jumped up and waved at Will, who'd just entered the Three Broomsticks. Despite my enthusiasm, it still took him a couple of seconds before he'd located Remus and me. When he did, he did the familiar 'Need a drink?'-dance, to which I responded with my 'no'-move. While Will went to get his drink, I sat down next to Remus again.

'I'm so glad you finally get to meet him,' I said, after taking a sip of Remus's butterbeer. 'About time. I mean, your father and I are basically married already, it's about time you met your in-laws as well.' I leant into him to kiss him and didn't stop until Will cleared his throat loudly behind us.

'Hello,' I said, jumping up again and wrapping my arms around him. 'Glad you could make it.'

'Of course I could – it's not every day my baby sister has a boyfriend,' he said. He held out his hand for Remus to shake. 'So, you're the infamous Remus Lupin. The one I've heard so much about.'

'No, I'm the other one,' said Remus with his best poker face. 'The one you're talking about couldn't make it today.'

'Too exhausted from all Emma's demands?'

'Naturally.'

Great! They got along! Even if it was at my expense. 'Right,' I said loudly, sitting down. They both followed my example. 'Will, this _is _the infamous Remus Lupin, Remus, this _is _the not-so-infamous William Hart.'

'Not so infamous? Emma, I put the "in" in "infamous",' Will said. 'It's because of introductions like these that people don't take me seriously.'

'No, it's because of your hair that people don't take you seriously.'

His hand flew to his hair and patted it; it was about as shiny and cared-for as Sirius's, so I hadn't been joking completely. 'There's nothing wrong with my hair, thank you very much. Anyway, I'm not here to talk to you, I was going to meet your boyfriend. Remus, can I take this moment to express my unutterable respect that you have managed to be in a relationship with my sister for so long without going mad? There aren't many who could do the same.'

'Someone has to do it, I suppose,' said Remus. 'I think the key lies in chocolate.'

Will nodded. 'That sounds plausible. It's always been the best way to make her shut up.'

'I'm sitting right here, you know,' I said. 'If you have to discuss me, be nice. But you could also talk about not-me-related topics, such as your hobbies, Will's job, Remus's awesomeness or the weather.'

'But we already know those things,' said Will. 'You keep writing me about them and I'm sure you've mentioned them to Remus here as well. This is my one time to discover how a man can handle you for so long; grant me this one wish, it's the only thing I'm asking for.'

'I think I can see where your melodramatics come from,' said Remus.

'Yes, we Harts are incorrigible,' nodded Will. 'If there's a way of dramatizing something, you can be sure we'll find it. Anyway, if we're not supposed to discuss your survival skills, let me ask the most hated question when you're in your seventh year.' He sat up straight and, in a voice that reminded me only too well of Edmund, he said, 'Mr Lupin, what _are _your plans for the next year? Will you be joining me at the Ministry?'

'I have no idea,' Remus said.

Will grinned and slapped him on the back. 'That's the right answer. Although I should advice you to steer clear of the Ministry, they'd work your backs of and then expect you to pay them for the honour. Emma says you like teaching?'

In the typical way of Hart-conversations, it started at the topic of work, then moved on to horrible teachers and ended with Will and Remus trying to best each other with strange things Muggles did. Remus won, hands down, as he was Muggleborn and had much more experience with Muggles. Like me, Will had taken Muggle Studies, so most of the time he knew what Remus was talking about.

It ended after about an hour, when Remus saw it was time for him to meet up with the rest of the Marauders.

'I'll see you tonight,' he said, after he'd kissed me on the cheek. He straightened up and made to leave, but I grabbed him by his tie and pulled him close once more for a proper good-bye kiss.

'I can't wait,' I said, when I'd released him. 'Say hi to the boys for me.'

'I will. Bye Will, it was nice meeting you.'

'Likewise,' said Will, with a little nod of his head.

Remus left. Only when he'd gone out of the door, did I notice Will was laughing.

'Merlin, Emma, you're pathetic,' he said, his body shaking with laughter. 'Those lost-puppy dog eyes when he left. I knew you fancied him, but that it'd be _this _bad… Never thought I'd live to see the day. And after about three months, too; for the fire of love to last so long!'

I shrugged; I couldn't even feel embarrassed, being in love with Remus was so wonderful there was no reason whatsoever to give in to Will's teasing. 'Yeah, well, he is the best person in the universe, so…'

Will stopped laughing. Leaning on his forearms across the table, he said, 'And does this mean you've been faithful to him all along? As in, you haven't kissed _any _other boys?'

'That is exactly what it means.' I ran my index finger along the rim of Remus's empty glass. 'But I wouldn't want to kiss anyone else, so it doesn't matter.'

Will raised his eyebrows. 'So if, say, Lucius came in now and offered himself to you, you'd decline?'

'Oh, yes, definitely,' I said, surprised. 'I mean, he's good-looking, but it would just feel wrong, kissing someone who isn't Remus. I know this is going to sound very corny and sappy and I know I'll lose your respect for me for the rest of my life, but with Remus, kissing is very intimate. And doing that with someone else would be… I don't know. Apart from the fact that it's not appealing, I think it wouldn't be worth it if Remus found out. And,' I added, after a moment's pause, 'I'd die if Remus kissed anyone else.'

'Wow. This boy deserves even more respect than I thought,' said Will. 'I'd never thought I'd hear you say this.'

'Neither had I, to be honest. But a _lot _of things have happened with Remus and me that I'd never thought would happen.' Me dating a werewolf, for one. Me not having sex with someone after nearly _three months_. Me having feelings heavier than just fancying someone.

'So, what's he like in bed?' Will asked.

'He's a good kisser.'

'Yes, but -' He opened his eyes wide. 'Oh no. Emma, you're not going to tell me that you haven't done the dirty with him yet?'

'That is what I'm telling you, I'm afraid.'

'But… how not? Why not? Oh, Merlin.' He groaned. 'He's a eunuch, isn't he?'

'What?' I laughed. 'No, no, not at all. And yes, that is something I'm sure of,' I said pointedly, when Will gave me a stern look. 'But it's just… You know, it's going to be his first time and… I don't know, we just haven't got there yet.'

'And you don't mind?'

I thought about that for a moment. Having sex with Remus was something I was looking forward to, definitely, but until we got there, I was more than content with what attention I got. 'No, I don't, actually,' I said.

'And you're sure he hasn't used a love potion on you?'

This made me laugh out loud. 'Will, if you'd ever been in a potions class with him, you'd know that's impossible. And don't forget, I did all the chasing. It'd be more than a little weird for someone to use a love potion, only to reject the poisonee, don't you think?'

'Yes… I suppose. Well, it's interesting, at least.' He drowned the last inch of his butterbeer. 'Anyway, have you heard anything from Serena and Edmund lately?'

'No, I've written them a couple of times but I haven't had an answer yet,' I said, trying to hide my disappointment. 'Why, has anything happened?'

'The old man is thinking of retiring,' said Will, toying with his empty glass.

'What?'

He nodded. 'Says old age is getting to him and that he wants to spend more time with his family. I suppose that's you and me, unless he's talking about some secretary and whatever he managed to sire.'

'Nah, he'd never admit he had them,' I said. 'So I think we are that family. Well, about time, I should say. But for him to quit work… That's a whole lot scarier than me being monogamous, and you know it.'

'I do. But he's closing in on seventy now, Ems,' said Will. 'He's no longer the youngest. But he hasn't told you of his plans yet?'

Of course he hadn't. I'd only got one letter since the start of term and that was to remind me that if I wanted an internship at the Ministry I'd have to start writing them soon. _Of course _he wouldn't bother telling his daughter he was thinking of retiring. Why would she care?

'No. Maybe he forgot,' I said.

'Yeah, probably. Or maybe he was just going to write you about it,' he said.

'Hmm, yes. Maybe. So, you mentioned Lucius… how is he?' I asked. 'Still preparing for his wedding?'

'Yes. It's coming really close now,' said Will. 'Narcissa's getting pretty crazy, apparently, she's constantly going over the guest lists and the flower decorations and what their vows will be.' He rolled his eyes. 'It's driving him bloody mad.'

'Poor bloke. Has he still got time to play with you?'

'Emma!'

'What? I meant with your little group of DE's, I didn't mean for the two of you to be engaged in homoerotic… things. Although I wouldn't mind if you were,' I added, laying one hand over my heart. 'Because I will love you no matter _whom _you fall in love with.'

'Shut up,' he muttered. 'And yes, we still see each other.' When I grinned, he kicked me underneath the table. 'You've a dirty mind, Emma.'

'You know what Gran said: A dirty mind is a joy forever.' Yes, that was an expression of my grandmother. She was very open about love and sex; it was why, at the age of 6, I already knew she had had several affairs with my grandfather's young assistants. She died when I was eight, but my grandfather lasted until I was thirteen; frankly, I couldn't blame Gran for seeking love with younger men. My grandfather was about the most emotionless and cold person in the world.

I think that might be why he was so sure Edmund wasn't in fact a little Mr. Jones or Mr. Smith; he and my grandfather were too much alike to be anything other than relatives.

'That is true,' he said. 'But I'd like it if you kept your dirty mind to people who weren't me.'

'Hey, I didn't say anything when you said you were still seeing each other,' I reminded him.

'But you were thinking it.'

'No, I was smiling and _you_, with _your _dirty mind, gave it a dirty interpretation. But you still have a jolly good time – a gay time – together,' I said. 'That's nice to know. You know, I read about the DE's a couple of times, in the papers.'

Nothing in his facial expression changed, yet I sensed something being off, a coldness creeping over him. 'I told you not to trust everything they write,' he said. 'Most of it is crap.'

'But not all of it?'

'Probably not,' he said.

'So, say, that one article a couple of weeks ago, where it said a group of DE's terrorized a town, set houses on fire, that kind of thing… That was all made up by the Prophet?'

'No, but you must see it in the right perspective.'

I didn't like his tone at all. 'Then what _is _the right perspective?' I snapped.

'That you take into account that the world is changing,' he said. 'Things aren't the way they were before.'

'Yes, that's usually what "to change" means,' I said, which got me a glare.

'Emma, I mean it,' he said. 'The days where people like Fudge have the power are _over_, as are the days when we Wizards have to hide from the Muggles. The transition won't be easy and there might be some casualties, but in the end it will be for the greater good of the Wizarding world.'

I was mesmerized by his words; never before had I known Will had such a persuasive voice. 'But…'

'What you read in the Prophet…' He shook his head. 'It's a huge exaggeration. They just don't see yet how in the end this will benefit us all. You don't think I'd be a part of an organisation that hurt people just for nothing, do you?'

'Of course not. I just didn't think you'd need such a violent approach.'

'It's only violent when they don't cooperate,' he said.

I ignored the uncomfortable chill in my stomach. 'Who's "they"?'

'The losing side. Would you like another butter beer?' he asked, pointing at my empty glass.

'No. Don't change the subject,' I said quickly. 'There is a losing side?'

'There doesn't have to be. If people side with us, they won't lose,' he said; I wasn't sure if this was a valid argument or a fallacy. 'But you've nothing to fear; I'm sure you want to be a part of the winning side, don't you?'

'Well, yes, but…' How could I express my discomfort if I didn't even know what it was myself? 'I just don't like the idea of burning innocent people's houses' might insult him. Not that Will would do that, of course, but if his friends did so… 'Can I get a bit more time to reflect? Just so I know where I stand in this whole thing?'

His mouth, first a pleasant smile, was now a grim line. 'I advice you make up your mind soon, then,' he said, while getting up. 'You're almost leaving Hogwarts and if you go over to the wrong side, I'm not sure if I'll be able to help you.' He grabbed his coat and stormed out of the Three Broomsticks.

To say this visit had been confusing would be an understatement.


	21. Thank you my arse

_Like an overexcited puppy, I bounced on Remus's bed, my eyes fixed on the bathroom door, waiting for him to come back. Until then, I had my ways of entertaining myself; when I got tired of jumping, I lay on the bed, my arms and legs stretched out as far as I could. My fingertips reached something hard; closer inspection showed it was a book. _Jeanne d'Arc, Witch of Orléans. _I flipped through it; just a biography. Remus was in dire need of new books – maybe it was time someone gave him the Kama sutra?_

'_Whatcha doing?'_

_Without my notice, Remus had reappeared._

'_Reading your books. Aren't I virtuous?' I said. I moved to the side a bit, so he could come and lie next to me. When he held out his arms, I snuggled into them._

'_Almost saint-like,' he said._

'"_Almost" he says,' I scoffed. 'For all you know, I might be the new Messiah.' Oh, that would be fun, me leading a group of religious people. What would my commandments be? Or my holy services? 'But I think it might be better if I'm not.'_

'_I've no doubt you'd be great as the Saviour.'_

'_Thank you for your trust in me. However, I've no desire to discuss my religious potential, interesting as it might be. Professor me.'_

'_What about?'_

_I held up the book. 'This. Her. This Jeanne d'Arc. I'm listening.'_

_And so he started 'professoring'. It was what I called it when he gave me a lecture on something; the subjects differed from the history of Hogwarts to tips on becoming an Animagus; from the best chocolate producers in Europe to a Muggle literary masterpiece. _

_I loved it when he professored. I loved his enthusiasm, his willingness to answer my questions, the little crease between his eyebrows when he doubted on how to formulate something. Professoring reminded me what an intelligent man my boyfriend was._

_And my Merlin, did I think it was sexy. _

_So, yes, if you were wondering if this meant I was being turned on by my boyfriend being a nerd (or, as he preferred, a _scholar)_, the answer would be positive. It wasn't how I'd expected things to do, but who was I to complain when life was so much better than my imagination?_

_In the middle of his summary of Jeanne in Orléans, I suddenly said, without thinking, 'Remus, I love you.'_

_He looked just as baffled as I felt. 'Oh. Thank you.'_

_Thank you._

A sodding _thank you_!

* * *

><p>Lily laughed out loud when I told her. 'He said "thank you"? That's hilarious. Sorry, but that's the funniest. I can totally imagine him saying that.' She threw her head back as she laughed again; a couple of fourth-years were startled by her laugh. I couldn't blame them; it did sound rather evil.<p>

'This isn't funny,' I said. 'This is the main crisis of my life right now, okay? What do you think it meant? Does it mean he doesn't love me back, you think?'

'I love how you describe something like this as a "crisis."'

'And I hate how no one ever takes me seriously! I mean, I hadn't been planning on telling Remus, but… I'd always thought that, _if _I told him, he'd be all - '

'"Oh, Emma, you're the light of my life, of course I love you back, let's get married"?' she prompted.

I shrugged. 'More or less. The proposal wasn't necessary, but… yeah. I hadn't expected him to _thank _me…'

She put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed it. 'Oh, relax, it could've been far worse,' she said. Somehow, the comforting smile she gave me looked more like she was biting back another bout of laughter. 'He could've said, "Oh, thanks, but no thanks", right?'

'You whore,' I said, but without my usual energy. 'You're no help whatsoever, did you know that?'

'That's me, the most useless of friends.' She flipped her shiny red her over her shoulder. 'And still you love me, oh, how _do _I do that?'

'Slipping potions into our pumpkin juice every day for over the past six years,' I muttered darkly. 'But the conversation wasn't about you. We were focusing on my problem. What if Remus doesn't love me?'

'What makes you think he doesn't?'

How on earth did this girl have top marks in everything?

'Er, well, I know this might sound a bit crazy,' I said, lowering my voice to a conspiratorial whisper, 'but he didn't say "I love you too" back, so, you know, just maybe that means he doesn't love me back. Just a thought, might not mean anything…'

She leaned against the wall. 'Emma, we are going to look at the facts here, okay?' she said calmly. 'Firstly, he is crazy about you. Secondly,' she continued, counting on her fingers, 'you know about his furry little problem and you still like him, which basically means he'll do anything for you. Thirdly, he shares his chocolate with you. In Remus-language, that says more than "I love you" ever will be able to.'

I knew that, but… 'But what if he just fancies me?'

'Then he'll love you when he's ready for it, won't he?'

'Yes, but… But what if this means we're having relationship-problems?'

She hit her forehead with her hand. 'God, Emma, don't be so bloody paranoid. Apart from the "Thank you"-incident, what reason could you possibly have to think there's anything wrong between the two of you?'

'The fact that we _still _haven't had sex,' I said. 'That's getting quite worrisome.'

She let out a long, depressed sigh. 'Really, Emma? Really?'

Her disappointed green eyes made me feel guilty. 'I don't know. Yes, really?'

'Sometimes, I think you come up with stuff like this just so you can feel like you're in some sort of young-adult novel and you need the obligatory amount of angst before you get to your eternal happiness,' she said. 'Because really, I don't see how else you _find _these problems. So what if you haven't had sex with Remus yet?'

'I had sex with David when I'd only known him for a week,' I reminded her.

'Yes, but wasn't David the guy who got his girlfriend pregnant?' she said. 'I think he can hardly be compared to Remus.'

'When I slept with Mark -'

She held up her hand to silence me. 'Emma, let's not compare Remus to the other boys you've slept with, okay? Because let's face it, they weren't all that fantastic and you were more than a little bit a slut before you became monogamous.'

'I prefer "sexually developed",' I said curtly.

She closed her eyes and I swore I heard het mutter something along the lines of 'mother of God'. 'Regardless of what you call it, we can say you have some experience when it comes to… physical love, no?'

'Yes.'

'And you agree with me that, especially before you, Remus had about as much sexual experience as this tie?' She tugged at her own Gryffindor tie.

I shrugged. 'Depends.'

'On what?'

'Whether James is into ties, I suppose.'

She shoved my arm; her cheeks were very pink. Definitely a touchy subject, then; I'd say James was close to succeeding. 'We're talking about Remus here, not James. And as far as I know, this tie has only ever been used as a tie. But what's important about this is that Remus's innocence has been preserved over the years. And it's only natural for him to be nervous about it; not having sex immediately is quite normal for most people, you know.'

Though Lily had never opposed to me acting like a slut, I knew there was a small part of her that didn't approve of my behaviour. (Or maybe it was a quite big part; she could be quite self-righteous.) It was at times like these that she slipped and showed me her true colours, but I could hardly blame her. She had a point, after all, though that was easier to accept now I'd taken some distance from that lifestyle.

Saint-like indeed! If only Remus knew.

Well, he probably did. It wasn't that big a secret. But we never talked about it, so I didn't know if it bothered him. Maybe I should ask him? 'Oh, Remus, does it bother you that your girlfriend is a bit of a whore?' Maybe I shouldn't ask him.

'I know most people don't, but we've been together for _months _now,' I said, hoping I didn't sound too whiny. 'What if it just means he doesn't want me?'

'You know what? I'm not even going to answer that question.'

Touché, Lily.

'You know me too well,' I said. 'How can you still love me?'

'Even when you're a melodramatic bitch, you're still my dorm mate,' she said, shrugging. 'It'd be quite nasty if we turned on each other, wouldn't it?'

'That's a very good point you've got there.'

Another hair-flick. 'I have answers to everything.'

For some reason, that disturbed a tiny part of me. It took me a while to figure out which bells were ringing, until it hit me. Will. Death Eaters. Answers! 'Have you ever heard of the Death Eaters?' I asked, hoping furiously that she'd say 'no'.

Her face darkened. 'Yeah, I have, why?'

Shit. That was not the expression I wanted when I asked her about them. 'Well, it's just, ah, that Will says he's a part of them and I read some things about them and I was just wondering… if you had an opinion on the matter.'

'Your luck is in, I have,' she said. 'What do you mean Will's a Death Eater? Those guys are… I mean, they follow _Voldemort_, for the sake of Merlin's pants! What does Will _want _with them?'

How to say this without making Will sound like a psychopath? 'He, er, says they're on the "winning side",' I said.

Her eyes grew wide. 'You're kidding? That's what he called it?'

'Yeah.'

'The creepy side, more like it,' she said. She shook her head. 'Please tell me you are kidding? I like Will. And the Death Eaters are evil. It doesn't add up for the two of them to be connected. I mean, you read the papers now, right? You've read what they do?'

'Yes, but Will told me not to believe what they said, apparently a lot of it's been made up.'

'Either they make up a lot at the Prophet, or the Death Eaters are really evil,' she said. 'Never have I read that they did anything good. They just go around terrorizing people they consider unworthy – Muggleborns, for instance,' she added bitterly.

'What? No.' She was obviously misinformed. 'Will wouldn't do that, he likes you. And, you know, other Muggleborns.'

She held up her hands. 'I don't know, I just know that this is something they claim to want.'

I was going to protest, but then I remembered something Will'd said. _'We're going to purify the Wizarding World People who shouldn't… who shouldn't be allowed to be near magic.' _I'd thought he'd meant criminals or something like that. Not Muggleborns. Will knew better than that, didn't he?

'I really need to ask him what's going on,' I sighed. 'This is getting so confusing. On the one hand, there's the newspapers and you telling me they're evil, but on the other hand there's Will who says they're not and I Know Will isn't evil, so… I'm confuzzled.'

She put her arms around me in a tight bear-hug. 'I'm sure he has an explanation,' she said.

'And until then I just shouldn't worry?'

'No, until then you should think about the chocolate heart that's flying towards you.' She let me go at the same time that a heart made of chocolate floated over my shoulder and into my hands. It was milk chocolate with almonds and in the middle, written in white chocolate, it said, 'I love you too.'

Lily smiled and walked away just when two other arms were wrapped around my waist and my favourite voice in the universe said, 'A lot.'

I leaned back to kiss him. 'Thank you.'

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Sorry for the long absence, I've been ill. But here I am again, mhuahuahua!**

Ps. Review button is right down there!


	22. Hair

It was clear something was wrong.

When Alice, Lexi, Lily and I entered the Common Room, the Marauders had claimed the couch near the fire. James had one hand on Remus's shoulder and seemed to speak quietly to him, while Sirius and Peter were laughing their heads off.

'What have they done now?' Lily wondered, worry colouring her voice.

'I don't know, but anything that makes Sirius Black laugh so loudly must be evil,' said Alice. 'Maybe they're pretending to be gay again?'

'They'd better not do that with my boyfriend,' I said.

'Not sure if Sirius was pretending,' Lexi muttered.

'Then they'd _really_ better not do that with my boyfriend.' I moved to the boys and, after glaring so lividly at Peter that he got up and left, I sat down next to Remus, who had just opened another chocolate bar. Merlin, he looked miserable; what had they done to him? 'Hey honey,' I said, placing one hand on his leg. 'Is everything okay?'

He shook his head. Almost inaudibly, he said, 'No.'

'What's the matter?'

'It's the funniest thing _ever_,' said Sirius. His devilish grin was even broader than usual. 'He really is a professor now, eh?'

'Hey, I hadn't even thought of that,' James said. He'd let go of Remus's shoulder and was now stroking his chin thoughtfully like he had a beard he could play with. 'But you are right. Remus, you will now be referred to as Professor Lupin rather than Moony.'

'Why would he be more professorish now than before?' I looked at the two boys, but it was Remus who answered in a loud, uncharacteristic wail.

'Because I've got grey hair!'

Despite his obvious misery, I couldn't stifle a snort. 'What? You serious?'

'No, I'm Sirius,' said Sirius, his face – what else? – serious.

'Shut it, Pads,' said James. 'This is a grave matter. Remus has lost his virility – or thinks he has, anyway.'

Peter nodded. 'Not only his virility, but his youth as well.'

'Will his girlfriend be lost, too?' added Sirius in an urgent whisper.

'Guys, this is not funny,' mumbled Remus. 'My hair is _grey_.'

I took a closer look at his hair; it seemed brown and chocolate-coloured as always. 'I don't see any – oh, wait.' There was a line of silver. And another one over there! 'Hey, Remus, you've got grey hair!' I realised this wasn't very supportive, but my surprise was stronger than any social cues.

'I know!'

'Don't worry so much, Moony,' said Peter. 'You don't look _that _old.'

'Yet,' added Sirius.

'Besides, you don't want to make them come even faster!' said James. 'Imagine, you'd be as grey as your dad in no time!'

'Not helping, James,' Remus said.

I smiled and kissed his temple. 'Don't worry, you can hardly see it.'

'No, once you know, they're quite hard to miss,' said Peter.

I glared at him again, which shut him up. 'It's quite sexy, really,' I said, squeezing his leg. 'It really makes you look professor-ish. And that's a good thing.'

'It makes me look like an old man. That's not a good thing.'

'He's been spending too much time with Emma,' said Alice, shaking her head. 'All that drama was bound to rub off on him some time.'

'Let's talk again when _your_ hair is grey, shall we?' said Lily, who was playing with her own locks like there was no tomorrow. 'I feel his pain.'

'Remus, grey hair really isn't all bad,' I said.

'Yes it is,' protested Sirius.

'You've horrible friends,' said Alice, ruffling Remus's hair. 'Maybe you deserve being so dramatic every now and then. You share a dormitory with Sirius, after all.'

Remus let out a weak laugh. 'That's hard enough to make you care about your hair, at least. You don't want to know how much I've learnt about hair-care products…'

Everybody looked at Sirius, who patted his dark hair self-consciously. 'What? At least it's healthy and shiny and not-grey!'

Remus choked. 'That's true.'

'Oh, c'mon Remus, smile!' said James, cheerfully nudging him. 'We always knew you were the most mature one, it only makes sense for you to be the first to hit adulthood.'

'I think this is more middle age, mate,' said Peter.

Okay, time for the Marauders to sod off. But how to get them out of here?

'You guys, did you know that if you stay in hot water for longer than fifty minutes, your penis doubles in size?' I said, looking from Marauder to Marauder.

James stiffened. 'Excuse me?'

'Yeah, you should totally check it out,' I said. 'Maybe you could go to the Prefect's bathroom and see for yourselves.'

They exchanged one look and then they left sooner than I'd thought possible. Even Sirius, though he might just do it because I wanted him to piss off. And there was a possibility James just wanted to see how Peter reacted; but who knew? Maybe Lily would have more trouble making those babies than she'd thought.

I climbed on his lap and put my arms around him. 'It's really not that bad. Grey hair can be very sexy. And Peter was joking, you can hardly see them.'

As an answer, he held out his chocolate bar to me and I broke off a piece.

'I was going to say "Professor me",' I said, nibbling on the chocolate, 'But maybe you're not in the mood for that right now.'

'No, I'd rather not be reminded of my old-mannishness right now,' he said. His hand was running up and down my leg, which was very nice. Even if he was in one of the darker moments of his life, I couldn't deny I was enjoying this. 'So maybe you should entertain me.'

'Entertain you?' I repeated. 'Remus Lupin: knows how to sound like a pervert since '72.'

'I didn't sound like a pervert back then.'

I nodded. 'No, you sounded like a hormonal teenage boy. I guess it's the hair…' I grinned and kissed him on his nose when he groaned. 'No, okay, I'm sorry. Entertain you. All right – how?'

'Tell me something.'

I waited for him to continue. Only when he widened his eyes innocently, I realised what he was doing. He was exactly like me when I was asking for a professoring. Well, fine. I had more than enough things to tell. 'Have I ever told you that your girlfriend is worth no less than seven camels?' I said.

'No?'

'Well, I am. You see, we were in Egypt last summer, and when we were at the market, this random man goes up to Edmund and says, "I give you five cows for daughter." As you know, Will is a boy and Serena's not…' I paused for a second. 'Okay, she might pass as his daughter, but he was pointing at me, so we can assume he was willing to pay five cows for me.'

'That's not the same as seven camels, darling,' he said.

'I haven't finished yet.' I gave him my best McGonagall-look.

He hung his head in repentance. 'I am very sorry. Do continue.'

'All right. So, the man was willing to pay five cows for me, but Edmund told him to go away and said I wasn't for sale. Anyway, that evening, in the hotel, my father was talking to the manager and told him this story. The manager was angry!' I shook my head, as if I still couldn't believe it. '"What? He tried to buy your daughter for five cows? That's absurd! A strong, young fertile woman like her could get _at least _seven camels!"'

Remus laughed. 'And to think I got you for free.'

'Yes, just imagine how lucky you are. You might have a few grey hairs, but your girlfriend is worth at _least _seven camels.' I kissed him again. 'Feeling better yet?'

'That depends. I really don't look like an old man?'

'You really don't.' I took another bit of his chocolate and wondered if I should stop now. I was getting chubbier again. How horrible this fight between me and my diet was! 'So anyway, how's your day been, until you found out you look like a professor?'

He shrugged. 'Peter's found a new love of his life.'

'Again? Who is it?'

'A fourth-year.'

'Poor girl.'

He raised his eyebrows. 'Emma, Peter's really nice.'

I shrugged. 'I just don't like him. Maybe it's because I know what it's like to be the love of his life. Believe me, I'd rather be yours.'

'They're so cute together,' a voice to my right sighed. We both looked up, only to see two first-year girls staring at us.

'Sorry,' one of them said, her head becoming as red as a tomato. 'We'll just pretend we have a life.'

'Good plan,' I told her, before returning my attention to Remus. 'Remus, I suggest we leave this very non-private place so we can be somewhere without other people, this is, your dormitory.'

He glanced at the two first-years and seemed to take his decision. 'Sound like a great plan.'

'Great.'

'Yeah.'

'So we will.'

'Yes.'

He poked me in my stomach; for a moment, I worried about the rolls of fat. 'You might have to get off me first.'

'Oh. Right.' I jumped up and darted to the dormitory, dragging Remus with me as I went. In the dormitory, I made straight for his bed and started jumping in the middle ofit. 'So, your grey hair… Does it run in the family?' I remembered how his father was almost entirely grey; how would Remus look when he had more grey than brown hair?

Dignified, probably. And _very _professor-ish.

He sat down on the side of the bed, shaken up and down every time I landed on the bed. 'No, my dad didn't turn grey until he was forty.'

'Then why d'you think you're blessed like this already?'

He leant back and I stopped bouncing, in case I'd step on his face. 'I don't know. Maybe because of my lycanthropy?' he said. He put his hands underneath his head and looked up at me; looking back at his face took al my will and self-restraint. I was far more interested by the little patch of skin that showed now his shirt was pulled up.

Focus, Emma. Focus.

'Your lycanthropy?' I asked, moving into lotus pose. 'What's that got to do with it?'

'I don't know. But it's quite stressful, so maybe that's… I don't know. It's not like I know any other werewolves to compare myself to,' he said.

Focus, focus. Compare himself t – oh! Focused! 'I do!'

He turned his head and stared at me incredulously. 'What?'

'Well, I don't, really, but Will does,' I said. 'And I've seen him once or twice. What was his name again? Something Norwegian-ish…' No, don't look at the stomach. Think, Emma, _think_. Werewolf, Will, werewolf…. 'Something Fenrir? Fenrir…' What was it again?

'Greyback,' said Remus softly.

'Yes, that's – Remus? What's wrong?'

He sat up; he'd turned very pale. His hands were clenched into fists by his side. Without looking at me, he said, 'Your brother knows Fenrir Greyback?' His voice was trembling, as, I noticed, was he.

'Yes, but… is that a bad thing?' Stupid question. Of course it was a bad thing, otherwise he wouldn't react like that. But I'd kind of thought he might like meeting another werewolf. They might bond over… werewolving. Or something.

'Yes,' he said. 'Emma, do you know who Fenrir Greyback _is_? Do you know what he _does_?'

I knew what he didn't do, which was shaving, but other than that, my mind drew a blank. 'No…'

'Fenrir Greyback is every prejudice against werewolves personified. He is violent, and cruel and -' He looked around, unable to find words. I'd never seen him like this.

'He bites children, you know,' he said, in a voice higher than I'd ever heard. 'He thinks that way, werewolves can overthrow the Wizarding world. Sound like a great plan, doesn't it?' He looked up at me, a wry smile around his lips and – oh shit – eyes that were glistening. 'He's the foulest, most - ' He shook his head, as if he could shake out his thoughts.'Sorry, I just – Fenrir Greyback is not someone I want to compare myself to.'

I put my arms around him, wondering what the fuck I was supposed to do when my boyfriend suddenly got emotional. 'Remus?'

'Sorry,' he said again, his voice muffled because he was talking to my shoulder. He sat up straight again. 'It's just that Greyback was the one who bit me, so I'm not really inclined to meet him any time soon.'

'He – Oh. I didn't know that,' I said in a small voice.

'So, Will hangs out with him, eh?' said Remus. 'That should be interesting.'

'I… I think Will doesn't know this.'

But when I lay in bed that night, I wondered if that was true. Will kept telling me not to believe what I read in the papers, but I couldn't believe they made everything up, either. And if that Fenrir Greyback was a part of the Death Eaters and he bit children, then that was not something I could just ignore. Did Will really not know this or…?

What the hell had Will got himself into?


	23. An offer you can't refuse

When Remus got to his usual seat in the library, there was a box containing twenty-five bonbons waiting for him. Next to it was a letter.

_They say it takes an hour of rigorous sex to burn off the calories from only five of these chocolates. _

_I suggest you eat all the chocolate, professor. I've got plans for you tonight. _


	24. Invitation

I traced one of Remus's scars with my forefinger. The pink line had faded until it was barely visible, unlike some other scars that still stood out on his pale skin. Thinking again of how he had obtained those wounds, I shuddered.

'Emma?' he murmured, his voice nothing more than a sleepy mumble.

Another shiver went down my spine, but this one was from pleasure. I was quite sure there was nothing sexier than Remus's voice when he'd just woken up. 'Good morning, professor,' I said, kissing the tip of his nose. 'Have you slept well?'

He nodded. 'Hmmhmm. Never better, I reckon.' He opened his eyes and sent me a sleepy smile. 'And you?'

'The same – when I got any sleep, that is.' I leaned in for another kiss. 'You know, if this is so good for our night's rest, maybe we should do it more often. This not-sleeping thing. In your bed.' I kissed him again and again until he answered. That took a while.

'When would you like to not-sleep in my bed again?'

'Tonight?'

We kissed again. 'It's a date.'

After a couple more minutes of kissing, I modified my request. 'Maybe tonight is a bit too far away. What would you say about not-sleeping now?'

* * *

><p>That afternoon, after I'd informed my friends Remus was innocent no more and shared the proper details, Lexi and I were sitting in the Common Room, trying to work out the assignment we'd been given for Muggle studies. I wasn't the most productive; every time I was about to pay attention, my brain had to remind me of last night and I was lost in a reverie about Remus until Lexi shook me out of it.<p>

'Emma, what have we just heard?'

I looked up and saw Sirius and James. The latter held a big book, through which he was flipping. Both wore broad smiles that made it very obvious what they had just heard.

'I don't know,' I said, while Lexi groaned at being interrupted by Marauders once more. 'What did you just hear?'

'Something about how our Remus is a man now,' said James. He seemed to have found the page he'd been looking for, because he'd stopped browsing and was now looking at me too. 'Congratulations.'

At that moment, the Portrait Hole opened and Remus came in, closely followed by Peter. My heart made a giant leap at the sight of him – Remus, not Peter, obviously.

'Peter,' Sirius groaned. 'Couldn't you have held him back for one more minute?'

Peter shrugged. 'No?'

'Guys, you know Emma doesn't need to see this?' said Remus, walking up to us. He held his hand out to James, while looking pointedly at the book.

'Yes she does. Especially now – it is essential for your relationship that she is prepared, Remus,' said James in a stern voice. 'How else will she ever survive? It wouldn't be very nice to keep it a secret, now, would it?' He sounded very reasonable.

'It wouldn't be very nice to embarrass me in front of her, now, would it?' said Remus with the same reasonable tone.

'No, not very nice,' Sirius acknowledged. 'But very funny.'

'Okay, I'm curious now,' I said. 'What's in the book that's important to my relationship? Is it Kama Sutra?'

'It's funnier,' said James. He held out the book to me. 'Read it before Remus burns the book.'

'He'd never do that, it would be sacrilege,' I said as I took the book and scanned the pages for what they might be referring to. It was about werewolves, so much was obvious, but what were they… 'What is it?'

'Read this,' said Sirius, pointing to a part labelled 'natural instincts'.

_In the days leading up to the full moon, werewolves often find their natural instincts intensified. This goes for the basic human and animal needs: food, shelter, sex. Werewolves may have an increased libido, which will stay until two to three days after the transformation, depending on the possibilities of satisfying that need and personal matters._

I blinked. '… Okay. That is… interesting.' I made sure to keep the book tilted away from Lexi; if she read this in combination with the knowledge that it would be 'useful for my relationship', she'd definitely put two and two together. 'Have you waited with this until I slept with him?'

'No, we wanted to before,' said James.

'But Remus's threats were such, that we did not dare thwart him,' said Sirius.

'Today, however, we thought we might risk it,' said Peter, who, I now noticed, had a strange purple spot near his ear. 'Although whether it was worth it is open to debate.'

'Merlin, Wormy, if you'd just be a better Wizard, it wouldn't have been a problem and we'd have released him before he got you,' said Sirius, sounding impatient. 'But yes, Emma, that is the story of how this has come to pass.'

'I hate you,' said Remus to his friends, shaking his head. 'Honestly, I do.'

'We love you too, Moony,' said James, slapping his friend on the back. 'And I'm sure Emma loves us too. You have to admit,' he said, looking directly at me, 'that you love this news.'

'This news is that Remus - '

'Will probably be up for _anything _when it's his monthlies,' said Sirius. His eyebrows made a fascinating wiggle at me. 'So if you want anything kinky…'

I wrinkled my nose. 'Honestly, Sirius, I don't know what's worse, that you refer to Remus with "monthlies" or that look when you talk about kinky things.'

'Remus's monthlies?' asked Lexi.

'When the Honeydukes supply is almost being changed but the new chocolate hasn't arrived yet,' said James. 'He'll need his distractions then and who is better at distracting Remus than Emma and her boobs?'

'I always thought he was an ass-man,' mumbled Sirius.

'Remus, your friends are pathetic,' I said. Remus grinned as the other Marauders expressed their shock; Peter by clasping a hand in front of his mouth, James by averting his wounded gaze and Sirius by grabbing his chest and falling to the floor in agony. And they called me a drama queen! 'Now that we've established this, do join me on the sofa.'

'I take this as the sign that the homework hour is over?' said Lexi, as Remus went to sit on my other side and put his arm around me.

'I'm afraid so, yes.' I smiled, unable to pretend I was sorry. Being with Remus just made it impossible for me to have negative emotions, it seemed. 'But I wasn't that much help anyway. We'll finish it some other time, right?'

'I'd love to help you out, Lexi,' said Sirius, who had recovered from his 'heart attack' and was now leaning against the couch, his winning smile on his face.

She smiled back. 'Thanks, but I'd rather it turned out good rather than the rubbish you usually hand in. Sorry, sweets.'

'I'd have another heart attack if I wasn't worried you didn't take me seriously,' he said, holding one hand over his heart. 'Lexi, I happen to be _very _good at Muggle studies. I know how a motorcycle works.'

'You thought electricity was an aphrodisiac. I'm not letting you _near _my Muggle studies homework.' She got up and started collecting her books. Within a second, my legs had taken her empty place.

As Lexi left the Common Room, followed by Sirius who was explaining her how electricity could be _used _as an aphrodisiac, James and Peter took their familiar spot next to the window for a game of Wizard's chess.

'So,' I said to Remus, looking at the book. 'An increased libido, eh?'

His cheeks turned red. 'Ah, yeah, well…'

'Good to know.' I kissed his cheek; it was hot, which wasn't very surprising seeing the colour. 'So in about… a week… we should be having excellent sex?'

'I thought we did already, actually.'

'That's true.' So maybe it wasn't an issue now. But maybe in a couple of years, when I'd gained twenty kilos from all the chocolate he always carried with him… Then again, if we had enough sex, I wouldn't get fat. 'It's still nice to know. In case I ever want anything kinky, like Sirius suggested.'

'Let's not follow Sirius's advice when it comes to our sex life.' He closed his eyes in mock-horror. 'I think that's the easiest way to mess up a relationship.'

'Now, now,' I said, moving so my head was lying on his lap. 'You have to give Sirius some credit. I think he has very ingenious ways of fucking up a relationship. Now: professor me.'

'Any particular subject?' he asked, while his hands started playing with my hair.

'Some ancient civilisation with awesome gods.'

As he professored, I closed my eyes and wondered if anyone had ever been as happy as I was at that moment. I doubted it. The sound of Remus's voice, his hands in my hair, the soft fabric of his robes… It was wonderful.

My bliss was interrupted when Remus nudged me. 'Ems, there's a letter for you.'

I opened my eyes reluctantly. An owl was hovering over me. Its big, yellow eyes looked at me as if trying to say 'are you awake yet? I've got better things to do'. Since I didn't want to be the one to distract the poor owl from mouse-catching or whatever it was they did, I sat up and untied the letter from its paw.

Its feathers brushed my face before he got up and flew to the window before taking off.

'Who's it from?' asked Remus.

'Dunno. Will?' I tore open the envelope and scanned the parchment.

_Dear miss Hart,_

_Hereby I would like to invite you to the retirement party of Mr. Edmund Hart, Warlock of the Wizengamot and Head of the Department of International Magical Cooperation. After more than 50 years of service, he has decided to end his glorious career at the peak._

_It will take place Friday the third of March, from 19.00 PM, in the Atrium. You are allowed to bring one guest._

_Kind regards,_

_Amelia Bronckhorst, second assistant of Edmund Hart, Department of International Magical Cooperation._

'Oh,' I said.

'What is it?' Remus asked.

I held out the letter to him. While he read it, I said, 'Apparently my father is retiring and he didn't bother to tell me. If Will hadn't told me, this would've been the first time I'd heard about it. Way to go, Edmund!' I wondered if I had to take it easy on the sarcasm for a moment. 'I'm his sodding daughter, he could've at least _told _me he was about to get a life outside of his work? He saw me… only two months ago.' And Serena had written me a total of two times since; surely she could've mentioned it _somewhere_?

Bitch.

'Maybe he forgot,' said Remus. 'I mean, I think people are usually very busy when preparing for their retirement – preparing the successor, that kind of thing.'

'I don't give a fuck about his busy-ness,' I said. 'And I don't care about his bloody retirement party either. He can go fuck himself. I won't go.' I crumpled the letter and looked around. My eye fell on the fireplace; would I be able to throw that far?

Remus's hand closed around my wrist. 'Emma, don't,' he said. 'It'd probably mean a lot to him if you came.'

I raised my eyebrows. 'How would you know? You've never met hi – Oh.' A plan! It was childish, yes, but it was the best I could come up with right now. 'You know what, you're right, I should go. It's about time he met his future son-in-law, eh?'

'Sorry, what?'

'I can bring a guest,' I said. 'You can be my guest, then you can meet my parents. It'll be fun; I'll introduce you, they'll be mean to you for a minute and afterwards they'll ignore us.' Again, the heavy sarcasm. I really had to stop. 'There might be champagne; maybe we can embarrass them!'

Remus sighed. 'Will you go if I come with you?'

'Yes.'

'Only if I come with you?'

'Yes.'

He let out a breath. 'It's horrible, always being the responsible one. Okay, I'll come with you. When is it again?'

I unfolded the letter again. 'Friday week.'

Remus's lips moved without making a sound. 'Friday week… oh, shit, I can't.'

What? How did Edmund do this? Did he send out signals to other people, so that the moment he came in touch with them, they'd start ignoring me, too? 'Why not?' I demanded.

'That's the night after the full moon,' he said, his voice but a whisper. 'I won't have recovered enough to go. I'm sorry.'

Not bad Edmund-vibes then, but bad friends of Will's who'd misbehaved. Not sure if I liked this better. 'Then I shouldn't go anyway,' I said. 'I should be with you.'

He shook his head. 'I'll be fine and… asleep, probably. You should still go, though. You could invite Lily,' he added, when I rolled my eyes. 'Even if you won't like it, she could use it as an opportunity to meet some people at the Ministry. You know she wants to work there; it'd be a great way for her to get some connections.'

I narrowed my eyes suspiciously. 'Do you mean this or are you just trying to get me to go anyway, just so Edmund can feel like he's a good father?'

'A little bit of both?' His hands started playing with my hair again.

'Remus Lupin, you are a manipulative bastard,' I said. 'But you are right, it would be good for Lily. You will meet my parents soon, though. I think it's ridiculous you haven't met them yet.'

'That's fine,' he said.

'Good. Now continue the professoring; I need something to distract me.'


	25. Party hardy

'So, how do I look?' I made a pirouette. How I loved doing that when wearing high heels; it made me feel so feminine. Like I was out to seduce loads of handsome men, even though the only one I'd like to seduce was now sitting in a bed in the Hospital Wing.

'Gorgeous,' he said. 'I'm kind of worried about the other men there now…'

'I don't have to go. I could stay here with you.' I sat at the edge of his bed and grabbed his hand. It had – apparently – been a good month for him and he did look better than when I'd visited him last month after the full moon. It hadn't been a good month for me, though; I'd lain awake all night, wondering how he was doing. To be quite honest, it wasn't just reluctance of my father's retirement party that made me hope Remus would ask me to stay; going to bed early seemed like a great idea.

'But then you'd be all prettied up with nowhere to go,' said Remus. ''t Would be a waste.'

'Hardly. You get to see me, right?'

'Yes, but I'm going back to sleep in an hour.'

'But is an hour spent in your presence not far more valuable than a whole night with people I detest?'

'Not if those people are celebrating your father's retirement and you have friends who would benefit from being introduced to all kinds of important people.'

'Ugh. I can't help but think you might be wrong about it,' I said, leaning in to kiss him. 'Those men are not _that _important. They just like to think they are. Whereas you are the centre of my universe…'

'But talking to me wouldn't help Lily's career, I'm afraid.' He kissed me back, a lot more fiercely than usual. Maybe there was some truth in what Sirius and James'd let me read. It made tonight a lot more bearable if I could anticipate great sex tomorrow, I suppose. 'When are you leaving?'

'When I'm done saying goodbye to you. Lily's waiting outside the door.' Though I knew it was rude to keep her waiting, the need for procrastination was too strong. I didn't want to be with old, boring men who, if they talked to me, only looked at my breasts. I'd seen too many of them already. And really, Remus was ill, he needed me, right?

'Lily,' Remus called, to which the door opened. 'She's ready to go.'

Lily's mop of red hair appeared in the door opening. 'About time. You'd think she's off to war, the time it takes her to say goodbye.'

'Going to a party at the Ministry is far worse than a war,' I said darkly. I turned back to Remus. 'I'll see you in the afternoon, I guess?' Seeing as the party was probably going to last until late at night (Lily didn't believe me, but I knew the effects of Elfen Champagne on those men) I'd asked McGonagall if we could just sleep in my house. In the framework of career guidance, she'd allowed it, if we were back before four the next day.

'Yeah. Have fun tonight.' His hand reached for his book – _Dracula _again.

'I'll try. I love you,' I said.

'Love you too.'

I kissed him again before walking over to Lily. She was wearing an emerald green dress, which made her eyes look even greener; for the occasion, she'd curled her hair, which looked soft and beautiful as it framed her face. I might've had more boys, but there was a reason why Lily's admirers persevered: a combination of a nice personality and stunning good looks that was rare at Hogwarts.

We were to walk to Hogsmeade, where the Knight's bus would pick us up. The walk to the little village reminded both of us why wearing high heels to a party was a bad idea, but we both agreed our legs looked too great to sacrifice just for the sake of comfort. On our way, I told Lily about some of the people I was sure would be there; colleagues of my dad, maybe some people from the Prophet, probably Will. I gave her a quick lesson on who was useful and who was to be avoided at all costs.

This lecture continued in the Bus, though it was less effective than before. The constant jouncing and jumping made it difficult to concentrate, though it was funny to see Lily react to this way of travelling. Muggleborns could be so hilarious when they were faced with something so commonplace as the Knight Bus.

'London, Ministry for Magic,' the conductor, an elderly man with wide-rimmed glasses, said, after one particularly nasty jump over the Thames. He held out the door for us; Lily and I made our way out of the bus. The combination of high heels and dizziness provided by the Bus made it harder than expected to walk straight to the door.

Outside, the March air chilled us to the bone; the price of wearing thin stockings.

Lily readjusted her scarf, so it covered her neck up until her lips. 'All right. I have no faith whatsoever in your sense of direction, but as I have no idea where to go, I'll follow you anyway. Please don't make me walk any more than necessary in these heels.'

'Don't worry, sweets. I might get lost in Hogwarts on a daily basis, but I know my London.' After checking my reflection in one of those Muggle devices – Lily called them 'cars' – I led Lily along the slippery path through London. It was pretty quiet; this was not the entertainment centre of town and most people were in their houses, protected from the cold and the rain that started after a minute or five.

'Are you _sure _you know where we're going?' asked Lily, just as we rounded a corner. Her teeth were clattering.

'Yes! In fact,' I said, speeding up my pace, 'we're already here.' I stopped in front of a phone booth. I didn't recognize the graffiti; they must've repainted it since the last time I came here. I opened the door and motioned for Lily to follow me.

'Emma, sweetheart,' she said, a doubtful look on her face, 'you realize this is a pay phone that is probably defect?'

'Lily, darling,' I said, in the same complacent tone, 'you realize that we're Witches and that we can use this booth to get inside? I'd really appreciate it if you showed more confidence in my knowledge of the Ministry.'

She hesitated, but then stepped into the booth as well. Her breath made small clouds when she asked, 'So, now what?'

'Now, we make a… what's it called? Phone call?' I said, as I picked up the horn. As I looked at the buttons, I tried to remember the code. 'What was it again? Six… two… Four…' I bit my lip. Damn you, memory! 'Four, two!'

'Phone numbers usually have more digits,' said Lily, but before she'd finished, a pleasant, female voice reverberated through the cabin.

'Welcome to the Ministry of Magic,' it said. 'Please tell me your reasons for coming.'

I hated this part; the talking into nothing. It made me feel like I was talking to imaginary people. 'We're here –er, two of us, Emma Hart and Lily Evans - for a retirement party, as guests,' I said, looking around.

'Thank you,' she replied. 'Please take your badges. The Ministry of Magic wishes you a pleasant visit.' When she'd finished speaking, two badges fell into the slot underneath the phone. I wondered what Muggles used it for; somehow, I didn't think normal phone booths issued buttons with your name and purpose on it.

I grabbed the badges and gave one to Lily while the booth slowly made its way underneath the ground. 'See?' I told Lily smugly. 'I told you I knew how to get here.'

'Sorry if I didn't think the entrance to the Ministry would be so disappointing,' she said, while pinning up the badge to her coat. 'I'd always expected it to be, I don't know, like the British Museum or something. Big and stately and impress-'

She was cut off by the sight of the Atrium that was now visible and becoming bigger every second we went down more. I had to admit, it looked pretty spectacular; they had really put an effort in this party, it seemed.

The hall was filled with people, Wizards and Wizards alike, and House Elves that walked around carrying plates with glasses of Firewhiskey and Elven Champagne or hors d'oeuvres. The entire Atrium had been decorated with blue and white, the colours of the Hart family. Around the room, all kinds of decorations had been situated; small elves that emitted a colourful glow, garlands, some of them with 'We will miss you, Edmund', though I doubted my father would appreciate those. Even I thought they were tacky. The fountain was spraying a dark red liquid and I saw some Wizards holding their glasses in it; could it be wine?

'_This_ is the Minstry?' Lily asked, shocked.

I grinned. 'Yup. Does it live up to your expectations?'

She nodded, awestruck.

The doors opened and for the first time, we heard the music; classical, the way my father liked it, and nothing more than a background music. No such thing as dancing; it might interrupt the low, muttered, important conversations everyone was having.

I spotted Will within a second. He looked very handsome in his dress robes and was talking to a burly, dark-haired Wizard that seemed about mid-thirties. Despite the reservations I'd had about him and his friends lately, I let out a sigh of relief; he hadn't been sure if he'd be able to make it and I'd been seriously worried I might have to face this night with Lily as my only aid.

'Will!'

He and the other man, whom I vaguely remembered as one of the DE's, although I couldn't remember his name, turned around. For a split second, Will looked annoyed but then his face broke into a grin and he held out his arms to me. 'Emma! I was starting to think you wouldn't come,' he said, while enveloping me in his arms. 'And you've brought Lily with you! Just what the party needed, two beautiful women.' He winked at Lily, who had heard enough about him not to seem impressed.

'Antonin, this is Emma, you've met her of course, and Lily Evans; Lily, Emma, this is Antonin Dolohov,' he said.

Antonin was older than I'd first thought; or maybe it was the frown that made his face look like an old man's. He was charming enough, however, shaking my and Lily's hands and asking us about school. He didn't seem very interested, though, and after a couple minutes of idle chit-chat, he turned back to Will.

'Okay,' I said, grabbing Lily's hand, 'we're going to see my father and show him how nice we are to have shown up and then I'm going to introduce you to some boring people. How does that sound?'

'So exciting I'm nearly wetting myself,' she said; the dry tone of her voice couldn't be in a bigger contrast with what she'd said.

It wasn't hard to locate Edmund. He was the one surrounded by people hanging on to his every word, though I doubted it was interesting. In the time it took me to get his attention, phrases like 'of course, one must never forget that the stock-market is unpredictable, especially when it comes to dragon liver' and 'yes, but will Roderick ever understand that the intrinsic worth is in the workmanship?'

'Edmund,' I said, when all bystanders burst out laughing because of a pun I didn't understand. 'Hello.'

'Oh, hello Emma,' he said. He held out his glass to one of the passing house elves, who filled it immediately. 'I didn't think you'd come.'

'Your secretary invited me,' I said. 'Wasn't that nice of her?'

'Yes, yes, of course.' He smiled; I wondered how many glasses of Elven Champagne he'd had. 'And you've brought Miss Prewett with you!' He nodded to Lily.

'No, this is Miss Evans, also known as Lily.' Was this talk long enough? 'But you seem like a busy man, so I'll just go and mingle.'

He didn't reply to that; Arthur McManus's father, Henry, had started an anecdote and he was listening to that. Just as well; maybe it was better to stay as far away from the McManuses, before they started teasing my about my 'fiancé' Arthur again.

So I started introducing Lily to her possible future employers. Every single conversation went exactly as the last.

'Hello Alexander,' I'd say to Important Man No. 4. 'How are you?'

'Oh, hel_lo _Emma,' he'd say; they all put the stress on the 'lo' part, as if that made them sound jovial. 'How lovely to see you again, it's been ages. Are you still at school?'

'Yes, I am.'

'What a wonderful time that is. And you're finishing this year or next?'

'This year.'

'So you're starting work next year! That's the _real_ life. Have any idea what you want to do yet?'

'No, none. Probably at the Ministry, though.'

This would be the moment where they'd start advertising their own department. This was mostly about them being important and awesome, but I could usually find a niche in which they said they needed an intelligent, young woman; this was the part where I introduced Lily. There was a standard procedure for this as well.

'Oh, really? And what's your name, young lady?' A broad smile, maybe a wink; alcohol, power and beautiful young girls weren't the best combination.

'Lily Evans, sir.'

'Oh, yes, I know you. Your grandfather used to be my trainer/role model/boss/colleague -' This depended on the man's age, but they always said something like this. It wasn't until our third conversation that we found out there'd been a Michelangelo Evans at the Ministry about fifty years ago '- such a shame to hear he's passed away. But he was a great bloke. So, are _you _going to honour us with your presence next year?'

'I hope so, sir,' she'd say, ever so polite, even though I could see she was bored out of her skull.

'Well, if you come around this summer or this autumn or anytime, I could help you find a spot. You look like the kind of girl we could use at our department!'

After about an hour, Will tapped my shoulder to let me know he was leaving. It was a huge bummer; even though I hadn't spoken to him since that introduction, it'd been a relief to see him and exchanged horrified looks with each other every few minutes.

'Do you have to?' I asked, trying my best puppy-dog eyes.

He nodded. 'Sorry, sweets. I'm sure you and Lily will be able to enjoy yourselves.'

'I'm not sure. I think I might be bored to death before this night is over,' said Lily, who was rubbing her temples. 'I need a drink.'

'If Will's leaving, so do I,' I said.

'Behave yourself,' said Will. 'Wouldn't want to hear you slept with all my bosses.'

'You just say that – it might be the only way for you ever to be promoted.'

'You whore. Maybe I'll see you tomorrow.' He pecked me on the cheek and did the same to Lily, before taking off with Dolohov.

Lily and I held out another hour before getting seriously worried about out mental health.

'I say we're leaving,' I said, after a fruitless conversation with a man who was so old, he and Mr. Evans had been trainees together. 'Go for a drink?'

'I'm in.'


	26. Oh crap

'I am torn between amputating my feet and Summoning shoes in which I can walk.' Lily leaned against the wall of a small brick house, and looked down at her feet. Her high heels were gorgeous, there was no doubt about it, but beauty meant little when one had to walk home on a Friday night. 'Next time we're going out, _you_'d better make sure you've got your Apparition license.'

'I'm sorry,' I said. The urge to sit down on the cold, wet pavement was nearly irresistible. It was only the fear of being incapable of getting up that kept me standing. 'I just didn't think attempting Apparition when tipsy is the best plan ever.'

'It's not. But neither is walking almost an hour in these shoes.'

I shrugged and waited for her to continue walking. When she didn't, I followed her example and leaned against the wall.

'Walking to your house on my bare feet isn't a good plan either, is it?' sighed Lily.

'If this were June, I'd tell you to go along with it, but I think you'd regret it now.' Hell, I could barely feel my toes and I was still wearing my heels! Though truth be told, they weren't the best for keeping your feet warm. It might have something to do with the fact they were open-toed.

'What if I just abandon you here and Apparate to your house?' said Lily.

'You wouldn't get in and I'd kill you the moment I got there.'

'And I'd deserve it. But death seems preferable to this agony. It reminds me of why I want to be a man,' she said. She took off her left shoe and started massaging the ball of her foot. 'Imagine wearing warm clothes to a party like that. Sensible shoes. _Flat _shoes. It must be wonderful.'

'Yes, but you'd have a penis,' I said.

'That's a price I'm willing to pay.' She put her shoe back on and started on her other foot. 'I mean, a penis can't be that bad, right? It just hangs there…'

'… getting hard at times that are chosen specifically for the uncomfortable moment…'

She slapped me. 'That's what _your _penis would do. And even that would be worth it, if my penis were that rude.' She held my shoulder for support as she put her shoe back on. The curls had sagged and her hair was now little more than wavy.

'_On continue_?' I asked when she stood upright again.

'_Oui. On y va_, and whatever the French might say, and may God be with me.' She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. 'Please, feet, don't fail me now. Take me to the finish line and I'll love you and pamper you with foot lotion. Just hold out a few minutes longer.' She opened one eye and looked at me. 'How many minutes?'

'Ten,' I lied. 'We're almost there.'

She closed her eye again. 'Feet, only ten more minutes. I have faith in you. Don't fail me now.'

'We won't,' I said in a high-pitched voice that was supposed to resemble Lily's feet's. 'Let's just walk before we all freeze to death.'

The look she then gave me was both incredulous and amused. 'If you think my feet talk like that…' She started walking; she flinched every time she took a step. I knew exactly how she felt; my heels weren't as high as hers, but cutting off my feet seemed like a sensible idea.

After about five minutes, Lily grabbed my arm. Expecting she was just trying to persuade me to have another break, I turned around impatiently; I nearly fell down due to the combined powers of alcohol and heels. 'Lily, if we just hurry, we'll get there soon enough.'

She shook her head. Her lips were parted and she stared at a point above my head.

I followed her gaze and gasped. In the air, above a house that seemed about two streets away, a green skull was suspended, a snake coming out between the teeth. It was a sign I'd seen popping up more and more often since I'd started reading the newspapers. The Dark Mark.

'Oh, shite,' I said. Or at least, I tried; the words couldn't quite make it out of my mouth.

When I looked back at Lily, I saw her jaw had tightened and that she was taking off her shoes.

'What the hell are you doing?' I asked.

She threw her hair back. 'I'm going to help those people, of course,' she said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Except that it wasn't. 'Lily,' I said, but I was ignored. She started running towards the house.

'Well, fuck,' I muttered. I kicked off my shoes as well and, not bothering to pick them up, I followed Lily. I was so filled with sudden adrenaline, I hardly noticed the cold of the pavement. 'Lily, you realize the people there are probably dead?' I asked when I'd caught up with her. 'There's nothing you can do, they might still be there - '

'What if the inhabitants _aren't _dead?' she said. She rounded a corner and nearly slipped; that night's rain had made the stones wet and slippery. 'Maybe we can still help them.' She stopped at an intersection and glanced around; I saw her hand was closed around her wand and I reached for mine.

'You know, when we spoke about stupid things that weren't smart to do, I think we could've included this one,' I said. We rounded another corner and entered the street with the attacked house; the skull cast an ominous green light over the street, turning the cute small gardens into breeding grounds for monsters.

The door to the house was ajar; it swayed eerily in the wind.

In front of the small path of white rocks that led to the house, Lily stopped and turned to me. 'Emma, I'm not asking you to come with me,' she whispered. 'But I have to check.'

I snorted. 'Do you honestly think I'm letting you in there alone? Even if there's nobody there…' Well, there probably would be bodies; the Dark Mark was only cast when Death Eaters had killed someone. I couldn't let Lily face that on her own.

And if there were people alive… Then they'd probably need help as fast as possible. And if there were Death Eaters inside? Then I definitely couldn't let Lily go in there alone. Yes, this was very high on the list of stupid things to do, but that wouldn't stop us, it seemed.

Shite.

Lily laid her finger over her lips and gave me a pointed look before she slowly pushed open the door. It creaked; the sound was incredibly loud in the dead silence, as were Lily's footsteps when she stepped inside.

I followed and was struck by how normal the hallway seemed. It could've been in any house; the coats were dangling from their hangers, there was a litter box in the corner, a stack of old shoes. The only thing that seemed out of place was the drops of blood that increased in size and number when they got closer to the stairs.

A quick glance aside told me Lily had become the colour of old milk. 'You can still go,' she told me.

'Don't be ridiculous.' I pushed a stray lock of hair from my face, wishing I had a rubber band.

We went up the stairs. I was grateful we weren't wearing our heels anymore; our stocking-ed feet barely made any sounds. I was extra-careful about where I stood, though; one step was so bloody, I skipped it altogether.

At the landing, Lily suddenly stopped. I bumped into her, but not before I saw what had immobilized her. A woman of about thirty. Blond hair, a bit chubby, blue eyes. Dead. Lying on the floor in a puddle of blood, her broken wand only inches away from her lifeless hand.

Lily's hand shot to her mouth and she retched. 'Good God,' she said softly. The hand holding her wand was shaking.

'Think there's anyone else?' I asked, my voice high.

At that moment, a bloodcurdling scream came from the adjacent room.


	27. Surprise!

Lily and I were frozen to the spot. It felt like my brain had just stopped; it couldn't put together the pieces. The Dark Mark, the blood, the body, the scream, _me_… How were they connected? And, most importantly, how the _fuck _had I ended up here?

Lily was the first to get back in motion. Stepping over the body, she ran to the room and pulled open the door. She left bloody footprints on the wooden floor, like a gruesome parody of a pirate's map.

'Expelliarmus!'

This snapped me out of my state of shock. I ran after her without pausing to think if this was a good idea: the simple fact that Lily's wand was now shooting spell after spell was a clear enough sign that _not good _didn't even come close to describing the situation. It also told me this was not the time for cowardice.

Lily ducked. A blue beam went over her head and missed me by a millimetre. It hit a grandfather clock, which burst in two.

I looked over Lily's shoulder into the room. There was a man of about thirty – probably the dead woman's husband – lying on the floor, gasping heavily. About three yards away from him stood two hooded men in long, black cloaks. Their faces were obscured by dark masks, which muffled their voices as they shot spells at Lily.

Another spell came whizzing towards us.

'Protego!' I yelled. The force of the spell caused us to take a step backwards, not that it stopped Lily from firing another jinx at the men.

'Lily?' I asked, trying to come up with a spell. 'Do you have a plan?'

She shook her head. Her green eyes shot to the man lying on the floor and back to the Death Eaters. 'I have no idea. Hold out until the Ministry gets here?'

'That idea is about as stupid as walking home in four-inch heels.' I said, before sending a Jelly-Legs Jinx at the Death Eaters. It hit the right-side one, who fell to the ground, his knees shaking. He let out an angry roar and sent a green jet of light flying at me.

Lily yelped when it blew up a framed photograph on the wall.

'Was that a -?' she asked.

I shook my head. There was no way we could've got in a situation where they sent Killing Curses at us – could we? I'd gone into this night thinking I might be _bored _to death, not _actually _killed.

What happened then was so strange, it shut up everybody – even the man on the floor.

'Wait!' one of the Death Eaters, the one I hadn't hit, called. He put his hand over the other's arm and pushed it down. 'Don't. What the fuck is going on here?'

My heart skipped a beat.

_Good God, no_.

This was so not happening. It could not be happening. It had to be the mask that deformed the voice so it sounded like his. There was no way in _hell _that was my brother over there. Will would never be involved in something like this. Maybe he only got here because he wanted to see what was going on, just like we were…

But then why would that other man start _screaming_?

The left Death Eater pulled off his mask and all my hopes were crashed. It was Will, looking confused and angry. 'Emma, what the _fuck _do you think you're doing?'

Next to me, Lily gasped. 'What the…' she muttered, looking at me for an explanation. She opened her eyes wide and her mouth made the shape of a perfect 'O' when realization hit her. 'You'd said he was…'

I couldn't pay attention to her right now. I focused on Will, who was still holding the other Death Eater's arm.

'What am _I _doing?' I asked. 'What the hell are _you _doing? What is going on in here? Why are you – what -' I didn't even know what I wanted to ask him. There was only one word to phrase my confusion. '_Why?_'

'You've got to be kidding me,' the other Death Eater said. He'd used a counter spell, so his legs were no longer shaking, and got up with some difficulty; Will was still restraining him. 'Your _sister _belongs to them? I thought you said she was on our side.'

'She was. She is,' Will said, giving me a hard look. 'Aren't you, Emma?'

I looked at the man they'd been attacking. He seemed to have fainted. Then I thought back to the woman in the corridor; I didn't know how she'd met her end and I didn't want to find out. I knew something else, though; I didn't want to be a part of the ones who had done that to her.

'No, I'm not,' I said, relieved that my voice wasn't shaking.

'Listen,' the other Death Eater said. Only now did I realize I knew his voice, though I couldn't place it. 'Either you're with us or you're against us, but seeing as you're his sis, I'll give you a chance to walk away if you decide to make the wrong choice. I suggest you leave _now_.'

Lily's hand grabbed mine. 'So you can go back to torturing this man?' she said; I was shocked by the disgust in her voice. 'So in a couple of minutes he'll be dead, just like that woman over there? Do you really think we'll let that happen?'

'Lily,' said Will. 'Don't make this difficult, please.'

She let out a bitter laugh. 'Difficult? Are you fucking _joking_? You're _torturing _someone and you're telling me not to make things difficult?' She shook her head. 'You know what you are, William Hart? Pathetic. I'd never thought I'd say this, but then again, I'd never thought you'd be a murderer.'

Her words hurt me – not because she said it, but because they were true, for me as well. My brother was a murderer. And I wasn't even that surprised; after all, hadn't he basically _told _me, months ago? I'd just been too stupid to see it.

Well, I wasn't anymore.

'The Ministry will be here soon,' Lily said. 'It wouldn't do for them to find you here. So if anyone needs to get out now, it would be you two.'

'Oh, we will,' the other man said. It was then that I recognized his voice; it was Antonin Dolohov's. The one Will had introduced us to only today. This situation was getting so absurd, it was nearly comical, if it weren't for the dead people involved. 'But not before we're finished.' He did a step forward, shaking off Will's hand. He pointed his wand at Lily. 'Will told me you're a Muggle born,' he said, his voice oddly conversational. 'So I suppose it was only a matter of time before one of us killed you off.'

The hand I was holding was slick with sweat, but other than that, Lily showed no signs of being terrified. 'Yeah?' she said. 'Bring it, then.'

'Antonin,' Will said. 'Don't do this.'

'What? I'm not touching your sister,' he said. I couldn't see his face, but I imagined he was smiling. 'Just getting rid of some filth.'

'We can just erase their memories -' began Will, but he was silenced by the sound of feet running up the stairs, voices, a door being slammed shut.

'Nobody move!' a man's voice called, appearing in the doorway. It was someone I'd seen at the parth this night; he reminded me of a lion and I knew he was the head of the Auror office, but I couldn't remember his name. It didn't matter; the moment I knew others were here, my heart felt like it might stop beating from relief.

Any precautions that Will might've taken because of our presence were immediately thrown overboard. The curse he sent could've hit any of us – Lily, me, or the Ministry man, who retaliated at once.

More Aurors entered the room, pushing Lily and me aside while throwing curses left and right. There were four of them.

I saw Will's scared face before he hid his face behind his mask again.

'Emma!' Lily pulled me down before a red curse hit me. Crouching, she pointed towards the unconscious man, who despite his low position was still in danger of getting hit; neither the Aurors nor the Death Eaters were careful where they directed their spells. 'We need to get him out of this room.'

I was about to say we needed to get ourselves out of this room first, but she had a point. Even if he wasn't hexed, there was a chance someone might step on it and in all honesty, he looked like that might do him in.

Bending low, we went to the man; up close, he looked even worse. His face was still contorted in pain, though whatever spell Dolohov (I couldn't think of Will doing it) had used on him was long gone. When I grabbed his arm, my hands touched something wet.

'Shite,' I mumbled, before taking out my hands and looking at them. They were red with blood. 'Lily! Lily, he's bleeding,' I called, wondering why this shocked me so much.

In the ever-changing light of the spells flying around, I could see Lily paling when she noticed my hands. 'Oh,' she said. 'I… Let's not hold him there.' She choked and pointed her wand at the man. 'Should I levitate him?'

How on earth was I supposed to know? 'Er… no? He could get hit more easily.'

She nodded. 'Right then. But… what will we do?'

I looked around for something to help us, to give me any clue what was wisdom in this situation. That was the only reason why I was the purple jet before it hit me in my face and everything became dark.


	28. Hospital

Oh, crap. My head hurt. What had I been _doing_? Or, what was probably a more accurate question, what had I been drinking?

I tried to remember what I'd done last night, but my mind drew a blank. Maybe it was because trying to think was just as complicated as an animal-to-human transfiguration at the moment. Maybe it was because I'd consumed so much alcohol, those memories were forever lost. Maybe it was because I'd embarrassed myself in such a manner that this was my brain's natural defence mechanism for self-preservation.

At least I'd made it to my bed. That was a good sign. It meant I hadn't been too shitfaced to make it up to the dormitory. Merlin, that would be awful, being found by first-years when I was already hung-over.

I waited until I fell back to sleep, hoping the headache would fade and maybe, if I were lucky, to die.

No such luck, however. After a fuzzy daydream about Remus and chocolate, I heard a door open. Part of me wanted to ask the person what I'd done that I felt so horrible, but most of me felt it was too much effort. I might have to open my eyes! Of formulate a sentence! Not something I was capable of right now.

Then again, the light was very bright, even with my eyes closed. There was no way I could go to sleep like this.

'Couldyouturnoffthelights?'I mumbled, pulling the duvet over my face.

'Oh, you're awake.'

My eyes flew open and I pulled down the covers. That wasn't Lily, Alice or Lexi – and this wasn't our dormitory, but a small room that had the same feel to it as the Hospital Wing. The voice belonged to a woman in lime green robes; over her heart, there was a sign of a bone and a wand crossing each other. In her hands, she held a brown bottle filled with a liquid that seemed black.

Okay, this was not good. What had I done to end up in St. Mungo's? Couldn't they just have kept me in the Hospital Wing?

Oh, Merlin, what if I was terminally ill and I'd only just found out and I'd just recovered from an operation that had left my brain instable and –

'How are you feeling?' the woman said. She put down the bottle and flicked her wand; a glass appeared in mid-air, spinning for a couple of seconds before the woman caught it.

'Like shit,' I said. 'What has happened?'

'You were hit by a nasty spell,' she said. She poured some of the liquid into the glass and held it out to me. 'But no worry, Healer Gerbrandy has got you almost back to normal again. Drink it,' she added, suddenly stern.

I obediently sipped it and nearly gagged. This stuff was horrible – couldn't she have given me a glass of water? 'I got hit by a spell?' I asked. I wondered if she'd notice if I put the drink away untouched. Probably. She was that kind of woman.

She put a hand do my forehead before answering. 'He said you might have some amnesia; you'll get your memory back, I reckon. And yes, a curse, cast by one Antonin Dolohov three days ago.'

Antonin Dolohov? That rang a bell, but I had no idea which one. He wasn't a student at Hogwarts, was he? Or an angry ex-shag that had –

Oh, no, wait. He had something to do with Will. With Will and a party.

Shit. I hadn't slept with that Antonin, had I?

I cringed at the thought. Not only because what I mostly remembered about Antonin was his dark, mean look. No, it was mostly fear of how I would explain this to Remus that made me wonder if maybe I should re-try that dying thing. I must've had an unbelieving amount of Fire whiskey before I'd sleep with that Antonin.

It wouldn't be the first time that I'd slept with gross people, but it was the first time I'd cheated on someone. And no amount of alcohol was going to make me feel less shitty about that. Maybe that was why I'd been out three days, so I could recover from –

Hold your horses, Emma. There was no way I'd been out for three days because of _alcohol_, unless someone had literally replaced half of my blood with whiskey.

So it was probably something else.

For a moment, this gave me relief; I hadn't cheated on Remus.

But then the implications hit me. If it hadn't been alcohol, what _had _happened?

I took another sip of the drink; in my confusion, I hardly tasted it. 'Do you, er, know what was going on between me and that guy?' I asked.

'No, I haven't been informed of – oh, for Hufflepuf's sake,' she said, looking at the door. 'No, you can't come in, we're busy.'

I tried to see who she was talking to, but she blocked my view. I recognized the voice that replied without any difficulty, though. '_We're_ busy? You mean she's awake?'

Remus came through the door. His hand was clenched around a half-eaten bar of chocolate; his expression was first confused, but his face broke into a wide smile when he saw me. 'Emma! You're awake!'

'Please don't talk so loud,' I said, flinching at the volume.

'Mr. Lupin, I really think you ought to leave,' the Healer said. 'She's only just woken up- '

'But the visitor's hour is only from two to four.' He took the seat next to my bed and grabbed my hand. 'Can't I stay with her, if I promise to keep quiet and let you do whatever needs to be done?'

I still felt uncomfortable. What if I had done some cheating on him with Antonin? Did he know?

The Healer clicked her tongue. 'I really shouldn't let you,' she said. 'But I'll make a deal. If she drinks all her potions, you can stay. What do you say about that?' She looked at me now and for the first time I noticed more bottles standing on a counter behind her.

But I felt like I really needed Remus; not just for my daily dose, but because I needed someone to explain what had happened, even if I'd rather not know. 'Deal,' I said. I looked down at the glass in my hand, which was still half-full with the dark liquid.

She followed my gaze. 'Best start with that.'

I took a deep breath and chucked down the rest of it in one go. The bad taste made me retch, but I kept it in.

'This potion'd better be some kind of miracle worker,' I muttered, sinking back into my pillows.

'It is, really,' said Remus, who was holding the bottle and reading the lid. When I raised my eyebrows in disbelief, he explained, 'I have it almost every month after the full moon. It's one of the best pepping potions. I'm sure you'll feel better in minutes.'

'Let's hope so, because there's many more potions waiting for her,' the Healer said.

'Yippee.'

Remus squeezed my hand. 'Hey, at least you're conscious this time. When I came yesterday, you just mumbled some thing about dirty socks and that was it.'

I didn't know how to respond to that. I had no idea what I'd been talking about yesterday. 'Remus, do you know what happened?' I accepted another glass and looked at Remus, who looked pale and tired.

'How much do you remember?' he asked.

'I know there was a Dolohov involved and I _think _I can remember a connection between a party and Will and aforementioned Dolohov,' I said. I noticed my head was a lot less fuzzy than a couple of minutes ago. Maybe it was a miracle potion. 'And apparently I was hit by a spell. That is everything I know.'

He looked at the bed for a couple of seconds, my favourite contemplating expression on his face. 'I don't know everything,' he said. 'But okay, here I go. Last Friday – that's three days ago, it's Monday now – you and Lily went to your father's retirement party. Afterwards, when you were walking through London with Lily, you saw the Dark Mark above a house and decided to investigate.'

I was reminded of a large, green skull floating over a house, but I wasn't sure whether I'd really seen it or if this was a picture from the newspapers. 'I think that sounds like a bad idea,' I said.

'It was,' he said. 'The fact that you're here confirms it. So, you went in, and when you came upstairs, you heard someone scream; you and Lily entered the room, there were two Death Eaters there, torturing a man, Malcolm LeGrosse.' He was silent for a moment. 'He's at the Fourth Floor now, still recovering. If anything, you saved his life with your stupid action.'

'Yay me.' I got offered another drink. I smelled it and wrinkled my nose. Nope, this wouldn't be good, either. Remus had to be like some kind of heavenly gift to this Healer, otherwise she'd never get me to drink this.

'Yes, well done you,' he said, a small smile playing around his lips. 'Anyway, the, er, Death Eaters were…' He halted and bit his lip. 'I'm not sure if now's the right time to tell you, I mean, you've only just woken up - '

'Remus John Lupin, you will tell me and you will tell me now.'

'You won't like it.'

'I'm in St. Mungo's. I'd already figured out I wouldn't like the ending to this story,' I pointed out. 'Please, just get to the point.'

'Okay. Er, so those Death Eaters were Antonin Dolohov and Will.'

That was the moment my brain chose to have me remember it. Maybe Remus had been right and now wasn't the good moment to tell me; the sense of betrayal was so strong, it made the discomfort I'd felt when I woke up seem like a minor problem.

Will was a Death Eater.

This made the 'My brain tried to repress this'-theory more plausible.

'Emma?' Remus's voice was anxious.

I wished I could tell him I was fine, but that would be lying and I didn't have the energy for that right now. 'I remember,' I mumbled, memories from 'last night' flying past; Will's face, the assumption I was a part of them, the Ministry entering –

'What happened to Will?' I asked, unsure whether I wanted to find out. My hand, that was holding the empty glass, trembled.

'He's fine – physically, at least,' said Remus. 'They caught him and he's in custody.'

'Sorry, what? _Custody_?'

'Yes, he'll be on trial for several crimes, like the use of Unforgivable Curses and a couple of… smaller offences.' Something about how he evaded my gaze told me that those 'smaller offences' were only small in comparison.

Not that it mattered. Everybody knew the penalty for using an Unforgivable Curse.

I closed my eyes and let out a whimper. 'He'll go to Azkaban?' I asked.

'Probably, yes.'

When I opened my eyes again, Remus had got up and sat down at the edge of my bed. One hand was still holding mine, the other was caressing my hair. Grateful for his proximity, I lay my head on his lap, uncomfortable though the position might be.

'How did things get so messed-up?' I asked, more to God or Fate than anyone else, but it was Remus who answered.

'I don't know.'

'You think he'll be convicted, don't you?'

He halted for a second. 'Yes, I think so. I don't know everything, of course, but it seemed like they had a lot of evidence.'

'Miss Hart?'

I looked up to see the Healer holding yet another glass filled with potion. 'This is the last one, I promise,' she said.

I sat up to drink the potion; Remus's hand went from my hair to my back, where it drew soothing circles.

'So, what do all these potions do, anyway?' I asked.

'This one was a sleeping potion,' she said. She was filling in some chart and didn't look up. 'The one before that was against the rash you've got up your bum, the one before _that _was so your body could heal from the inside and the first one was a pepping potion so you wouldn't feel too rotten.'

I blinked. Okay. She could've mentioned that _before _I drank all of them. But maybe it was better not to know about that bum-rash. 'So how long until I fall asleep?'

'About five minutes.'

I looked at Remus. 'You'll stay, right?'

He kissed my cheek; he was in dire need of a shave. 'Of course.'

I smiled and put my head back on his lap. 'When I grow up, I never want to go to a Hospital again,' I said, feeling drowsy already. But sleepiness was good; that way, I could forget my brother was about to be life-sentenced for using horrible curses.

Remus laughed. 'Sounds like a good plan.'

'Except to visit you, of course. Not that you will be in St. Mungo's, because by then they'll have found a cure for your furry little problem, but…' I yawned. 'You get what I mean, right?'

'Right. No more hospitals for you.'

'Exactly.' Damn, this sleeping potion was strong; I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. 'Professor?'

'Emma?'

'I love you,' I told his thigh.

'I love you too.'

That was the last I heard before drifting off to a deep sleep.


	29. Epilogue

_Nymphadora Tonks_

_January 1998, St. Mungo's_

Tonks looked at the little piece of parchment she'd been given by the Welcome Witch; yup, First floor, Creature-Induced injuries, room 105b, at a quarter past two.

Next to the white door there was a sign, which she checked, just to be sure; it wouldn't be the first time she walked into the wrong office at embarrassing moments.

_Healer Emma Hart, Lycanthropologist_

She knocked on the door. A female voice replied, 'Come in.'

Placing one hand on her belly, Tonks opened the door and stepped into the small but comfortable office. It looked like an office she might have; the desk was a mess, there were paintings on the walls, together with a poster of the Weird Sisters; with the attention she'd been trained as an Auror, she noticed smaller things, too, like the many empty chocolate wrappings in the waste bin.

She didn't notice the potted plant before she stumbled over it, though.

'Oh, _damn_,' she muttered, when the pot's earth was spread all over the floor. 'I'm sorry, I'm just very clumsy, I'll clean it u -'

'Don't worry, I've got it,' the witch – Emma Hart – said. She flicked her wand and the pot put itself upright again, while the dark earth flew back into it. 'I don't know why I keep that plant, I keep bumping my toe… Anyway, take a seat.'

She motioned for a simple but comfortable-looking chair. As she sat down, Tonks studied the woman for the first time. She looked like she was in her late-thirties, with thick, dark hair that hung over her shouldersand sparkling blue eyes.

'You're Nymphadora Tonks, right?' Healer Hart asked.

'That's me,' Tonks said.

'Nice to meet you.' Healer Hart broke off a piece of chocolate; Tonks recognized the bar as Honeydukes's milk chocolate with caramel, one of Remus's favourites. Well, everything was one of Remus's favourites. Not that Tonks didn't like a bit of chocolate once in a while, but her husband had made her more familiar with the different tastes and kinds of the noble chocolate family than she had ever held possible.

'Would you like some?' Healer Hart said, holding out the bar. 'I'm trying to quit, but…'

'No thank you, I've _more _than enough chocolate at home,' said Tonks.

'Wise choice.' She bit off another piece. 'So, Miss Tonks, what can I help you with?'

'My baby,' Tonks said; she still felt a rush of pride every time she could say that. Her baby. With Remus.

Healer Hart raised her eyebrows. 'You realize I'm a Lycanthropologist and not a gynaecologist?'

'Yes, but, you see, Miss Hart - '

'Emma, please. "Miss Hart" makes me feel serious.'

'Okay, Emma, er, the thing is,' Tonks said, 'the father of the baby is a werewolf. And he is worried – I mean, we're both worried, but he's the _most _worried, if you get what I mean – he's worried that it's going to be a werewolf, too.' Like she'd expected, Heal – Emma had not seen that one coming. No one ever did; most people didn't procreate with werewolves, after all.

'The father is a werewolf?' she repeated, dumbfounded.

'Yup. And he's great,' added Tonks. 'But, you know, do you think he'll…?'

Emma leaned back in her chair. She fumbled with the empty wrapping of her bar while thinking. Eventually, she said, 'I don't think so. You see, when you become infected with lycanthropy, your body changes, but your DNA doesn't. It's – it's a long and complicated story, but it comes down to this: your husband's sperm is probably the same as before he was bitten, with no trace of the lycanthropic illness.'

A ripple of relief went through Tonks. Of course she'd always known Remus had just been overreacting, but a small part of her had been worrying… 'So my baby will be completely healthy?' she asked, just to make sure.

Emma nodded. 'I see no reason why it wouldn't.'

'Thank God. Remus was so worried about it,' she said. 'I think this might be the first time I was right about his lycanthropy when he was wrong…'

Emma's jaw dropped. 'I'm sorry, did you just say "Remus"?' she asked, clasping her hand in front of her mouth, though Tonks could still see the corners of her mouth curling up.

'Yes…'

'You don't mean Remus Lupin, do you?'

_It's not strange that she knows who Remus is_, Tonks told herself. _She's done years of research on werewolves; it's hardly surprising that she ran into Remus at some point. _'I do, actually,' she said. 'He's my husband.'

She hadn't expected Emma to laugh, but that was exactly what she did.

'Your husband? Remus got married?' Emma asked. She gave Tonks a double take. 'And with someone with pink hair, no less… I suppose he keeps surprising us with his taste in women.' She chuckled and said, more to herself than to Tonks, '_Married_. And to be a _father_. Merry Merlin, I hadn't seen that coming.'

'Do you know him?' Tonks asked, superfluous as the question might seem.

'Yes, well, I did,' Emma said. 'He was my boyfriend back in Hogwarts.'

Now it was Tonks's turn to laugh and do the once-over. This had been Remus's girlfriend? It wasn't hard to see why they'd be a good match; the chocolate wrappings were a sure enough sign. And there was something about Emma's laugh that reminded Tonks of herself. She'd never thought Remus had a type, but if he had, she'd always thought it would be a quiet, organised, bookish kind of girl. Not a woman who listened to the Weird Sisters and, like Emma had very justly noted, _definitely _not a woman with pink hair.

'How is he?' Emma asked. 'I haven't seen him in ages…'

'He's… Fine,' Tonks said. As fine as anyone was in the current Dark climate, anyway. 'He was very worried about the little Lupin, but I'm sure this news will take care of that.'

'I hope so. Remus, to be a daddy…' Emma laughed again. 'Well, I have to say, I always thought he'd be a great father. Oh!' She sat up straight, wearing an excited expression. 'Please, _please _tell me he's a professor.'

'Not anymore,' said Tonks.

'But he has been? A Hogwarts professor?'

Tonks nodded. 'Yeah, in Defence. Apparently he was quite popular with the students.'

'I can imagine,' Emma said. 'Oh, I knew it! I'd always told him he'd be a professor one day.'

Tonks couldn't help but laugh at her enthusiasm.

A knock on the door put an end to their laughter. A small Wizard with a thin moustache stood in the doorway, carrying a pile of parchment. 'Emma, you'll need to read this before the conference,' he said, placing the pile on her desk; it was a sign of Emma's messiness that the new addition to her desk was lost immediately in the mess that was already present.

Emma pursed her lips in dismay. 'Really?'

'Yes.' He said curtly, with a disapproving look at Tonks's pink hair. After he'd left again, Tonks chuckled when she saw Emma roll her eyes at his back.

'Sorry, I don't like him,' she said, when she caught Tonks looking. She glanced at the new amount of work and sighed. 'Shit. I'd better get started on this, I think. Unless you have any other questions?'

Tonks shook her head. 'No, this was all I needed to know.'

'Okay.' Emma ran her hand through her hair. 'Well, it was lovely to meet you, Nymphadora. Please give Remus my best wishes and will you send me a card when the little one's here?' She nodded at Tonks's belly.

'I will,' said Tonks. She got up, knocking over the chair as she did so, and held her hand out to Emma. 'You could always drop by, if you want to.'

'I might take you up on that.' Emma shook her hand.

As Tonks made her way to the door, she heard Emma say, 'Oh, and by the way, I love your hair.'

* * *

><p><strong>AN: And... that was it! I'd love a review to know what you think :)**

**A/n 2: And seeing as a lot of people want to know why Remus and Emma broke up: what happened is: Time. After Hogwarts they felt the feelings weren't as strong any more and Emma went abroad for a couple of years, so they decided to stop and stay friends, even though they lost touch after a while, especially after Lily and James's death. There's twenty years between 'Say you don't want it' and Remus's death, after all, it's no more than natural for him to move on, fall in love with others, et cetera :) This is also a result of me not believing in high school relationships lasting the rest of your life; if anything, Emma needed to experiment more. It wouldn't be like her _at all _to settle down at 17, no matter how in love she was with Remus. She sees him (and Teddy) before he dies, though, so they have a reunion, sort of. Doesn't mean that Remus isn't very happily married to Tonks and who knows? Maybe Emma has a nice lad, too...  
><strong>


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